Something I'll Never Know
by akanikunimitsu
Summary: The Seigaku and Hyotei Princes have their own sad story to tell, that something that they'll never know...and there will always be that one person who truly understood. ONESHOT COLLECTION. *Shishido *Kikumaru *Mukahi *Kaidoh *Fuji *Hiyoshi *Kabaji *Inui *Atobe *Kawamura *Oshitari *Echizen *Momoshiro *Akutagawa *Oishi *Ootori *Tezuka
1. The Year Shishido Never Smiled

**SOMETHING I'LL NEVER KNOW SERIES: The Year Shishido Didn't Smile**

**DISCLAIMER: PoT does not belong to me.**

**-oOo-**

"_You should really smile more." She always reminded him_

"_You're more handsome when you smile." That would usually work; it never fails to turn that frown upside down._

"_You'll look older than you really are if you don't start smiling really soon." She always said that with such a sweet smile on her face._

A horn brings him back to reality. He was almost hit by a car crossing the busy streets of Tokyo...again. It's the third time this week. He gives off a deep breath before continuing his phase on his way to work.

By the time he got there the receptionist would greet him with the same plastered smile on her face, like every single day, doesn't she ever get tired of smiling? He would often ask to himself as he nods and walks pass her making his way to the elevators. Then, like every other morning he would be greeted by an energetic pat on the back by a narcoleptic friend from Middle School, who for some unexplained reason is able to keep his job despite being asleep half the time. And much to his amazement the same friend from Middle School would fall asleep on their up to the 16th floor and like clockwork wake up just before the doors open.

He could not begin to count the number of times he sighed that day and morning work hasn't ever started yet. He walks pass his secretary who tried to give him a smile and a warm greeting, a warm cup of tea included and a pile of paper works that he had to finish reading. He was never a good reader, he never liked reading, and he never wanted to spend his life every single day reading tons and tons of documents. He was a good listener; that he was good at. After all having a cry baby for a doubles partner in Middle-school helped him to practice his listening skills a lot, with all the complaining and ranting and just plain blabbering during morning practice, during lunch, during afternoon practice, on the way home, over the phone on weekends...he was a pretty good listener. He wasn't complaining he was a great friend and teammate; it's just that he's such a cry baby.

"_Aren't you going to finish reading that case file?...You're not in the mood are you? Want me to read that for you so you can finish your work?" she'd pick up that file folded and read away, even when she never really understood what she was reading._

The morning was slow, as always, he would pace his office trying to understand the files he was reading. Why did he have to work here? Of all the smaller offices in this city, why did he choose to stay here? Sometimes he regrets even stepping into the doors of this empire. He could have just settled for a small firm somewhere is a suburban setting, it would have been more peaceful, definitely not earning as much as he was here, but definitely more peaceful. He may even have been a happier lawyer than he was now. Oh, and here he comes, just like every Monday mornings he would grace him with his presence. He never changed, bigheaded like when they first met in Middle School, maybe tamer than before, thanks to that wonderful woman who tied a leash on his neck, and I guess to those rambunctious twins that they have that he likes to call kids, but he prefers to call clones. If he didn't witness his wife's pregnancy, and had he not been there when she gave birth, he could swear, those twins were clones of their father. And he goes on and on and on about everything and anything, as always. And he has to painstakingly listen, to every single pitiful, despiteful word that will come out of his mouth. Of all the professions of God's great earth, why did he chose to be a lawyer? He could have been a professional tennis player, but no, he had to listen to that cry baby doubles partner of his that he was built for this job. He snaps back to the present and irritatingly listens to the flashy figure pacing his office. If he wasn't an old friend and his boss, he would probably have strangled him.

"_You know you should try to see the better in people. People we're all created good, and pure. This world corrupted us. It's a choice to make on how we deal with them, and how we open our hearts to them." She always gave the most reasonable advices._

After all his flashing and walking around his office the tall arrogant figure will give him a look that says something he would rather not mind, then finally leave to give back his peace and quiet. Then he would go back to his desk and scribble a little, open his laptop and type some more before finally standing up to walk out the door to get some coffee. He knew it was bad for him, he was already having hyperacidity from all the caffeine he was throwing into his body, but he just needed this right now, after listening to that brat of a boss he had he needed this. His secretary would still try to stop him, or maybe offer that she get the coffee for him, but she never wins, nor will she ever win. He would stare at the pastry tray in the table think twice or thrice if he would pick one up of not. Then he would trip over a familiar body on the floor. Always. Always. He never learns. He pushes himself up and picks up the cup on the floor, making a mental note to tell her secretary to call for someone to clean up the spilled coffee on the floor. Then he would try to pick up the lazy body on the floor shaking him profusely desperately trying to wake him up, until he finally does, says his sorry and walk back to his own office. And again he wonders how his narcoleptic friend gets any work done at all.

"_You now it's amazing how you think people never get anything done, remember, just because they don't get it done the way you would have, doesn't mean their means isn't as effective." She always kept him grounded._

He drags himself back to the four walled prison he calls an office. His secretary will call out certain phone calls that he may want to return. But he never does. Well, maybe today was an exemption. A certain smiling tensai from a previous rival school left a message; maybe today he will return a phone call. But then, he gets trap in the dungeon with four walls, and everything else fades to gray. He continued to struggle to find the meaning of life, or living it. He remembers how he use to know what it meant and why he was living it, but like the time that fades away and the papers that seem to pile up one after the other, he forgot. He was like in an ocean drowning and asking himself how to survive, and why he would want to. But the vibration of the cell phone in his pocket snaps him back to earth. Just as always, the crybaby would send an SMS asking if they were going to spend lunch together. He asks himself what the point of eating is, if only to survive, when he doesn't even know why he was still breathing, but he would spend lunch with him like always.

"_Friends are gifts from God. Treasure them, never forget to communicate and spend time." Sweetly she would kiss his forehead reassuring him that he was not spending less time with her, but that she was happy that he still had time for friends._

He would grab his coat, leave everything else behind, say something to his secretary that he wanted done by the time he was back from lunch. And like always, he would bump into his arrogant boss and his wife who would be on the way to lunch as well. Had he not helped him before, he would probably not stand his presence in the same room. He would let them go ahead, pass him by, like he has every opportunity to make sense of it all. He would ride the next elevator out of that suffocating empire. By the time he reached the lobby, his crybaby friend would already be there waiting for him, along with three other familiar figures. He would be amazed at how his blue-haired friend ended up becoming a surgeon, the most sought after plastic surgeon, and here he was thinking that he was the vane one. He never thought his genius in the court would also equate to the genius he was on the operating room. And of course how could he not notice the frantic jumping of the hyperactive gymnast who now owns a famous bakeshop, he did always have a sweet tooth, and owning a sweet shop is definitely not healthy for him, especially when he bounces around like that. And the heir to the buchou's throne, how could he forget him, still stoic as always. He wonders how his crybaby doubles partner survived having him for a best friend since elementary. And that gentle angelic face with a smile plastered all over, that, that crybaby, has always brought sunshine, he was glad he had them, at least for a few hours he would be sane.

"_I admire you for that, your tender; you just hide it under all that 'manly man' façade." She would giggle each time because he always had the same facial reaction each time she would say that._

They would eat at the usual place, he couldn't believe they did, after all he was the hot-blooded opponent when they were in Middle School, but he sure makes the best sushi in the country. He was home somehow with them around. He remembers a phone call he had to return and excuses himself from the group. He walks out to dial the tensai's number, he went straight to voice mail, he must be busy, so he left a message. He looks back at his friends, and lets out another sigh. His crybaby partner would notice him looking at the group, like always, and he would walk up to him. Staring at him, he understood what he wanted to convey, the message was always clear, always, even on the darkest storm he would hear that message. It was amazing how they developed such a friendship after all the drama in middle school and him cutting his hair just to get back on the regulars. If he could rewrite everything, maybe he wouldn't be as melodramatic as he was. His hair has grown back, but the scar will always be there.

"_Whoever said you weren't beautiful?" she said as she brushed her finger through his long brown hair._

Then it would be time to go back to his cage, he would have to wait until tomorrow to experience sanity again. He would walk back to work, like always, every single afternoon when they separate, he walks those lonely streets of Tokyo, at least to him it was lonely. Every day he would pass by the same route, meeting the same people walking along him, across him, some maybe bumping into him. And he would always stop at that same spot, looking into that same window, with that same face staring at him without moving an inch. He use to know him as the buchou's sidekick, but now he was a well established jeweler. Something about those sparkling diamond on display gave him butterflies in his stomach. He would feel like that every day, and yet everyday he would walk the same road. He didn't mind the sharp pinch in his chest every time he did walk that same routine. Every day he did it.

"_It's a cycle, the fruit fall from the tree, the seed implants on the ground, it sprouts, it gets sun, wind, water. It grows into a tree, bears fruits, the same cycle repeat. That's life." Simply wisdom that she imparted lasts for a life time._

Then he would enter those doors again, looking at his watch, counting how many hours he would have to spend in this desolate place. He would take the same elevator, respond the same to his secretary, and ignore the same phone calls. Read through the same pile of papers, type some more, write some more, dial a few numbers that he needed to, not that he wanted to. Until finally, finally, he would see signs of the sun setting, finally he could have some peace and quiet, finally, he could be somewhere else than here. Every day the same SMS from his crybaby doubles partner, every day reminding him to watch his way home, especially when crossing the street. How many times has he been almost hit by a car, thrice right? Yes thrice this week, that doesn't include all the previous weeks. Sometimes he wishes he was, but then a certain crybaby doubles partner would slap him silly, until he takes back he ever said that.

"_A best friend is special, because he's the best of all your friends." And she wonders why he loves her so much._

He would enter that same door that he doesn't want to exit from every morning, turn on the same lights that can't seem to brighten this house enough for him to see clearly. He knew every nook and cranny of this place, yet he seemed so lost in its cold embrace. The same white curtains would brush his cheeks as he looks out the dancing lights of the city. The microwave would make the same sound as he pushes his meal to re-heat it. And the same delivery boy would ring the bell, at that same time every night, and the same package of food would come with a note from his arrogant boss that says he knows he would never get a decent meal when he got home, he hated it, but would eat that delivery anyway. The same phone will ring at that same hour with the same crybaby on the other line checking if he got home alive. He didn't really mind, he didn't really care at all. He would walk out the same patio, sit on the same chair, drink form the same mug, eat with the same chopsticks. Sigh for one last time that day and close his eyes feeling the warm summer air, or cold winter air, or whatever air there was blowing.

"_You don't see it, but you feel it right? There are things you don't see, but you've got to believe…that's faith Ryou." She always prayed, for him, for everything._

He would take that same shower, brush his teeth the same way he does every single day. Change into the same pyjamas and lie on the same bed, hug the same pillows, dream of the same dreams. But all they ever will be are dreams. But today there was something different, just as he was closing his eyes his cell phone rang. It was the smiling tensai from a previous rival school, informing him that he had a package for him, which he will hand over on Saturday. He sighs again, and realizes that he said to himself he sighed his last for that day, then finally closes his eyes.

"_What is waiting? When what you're waiting for is worth every second on waiting?" those were worlds that will immortalize her in his eyes._

His week was over, finally he could be alone, like he always was, but at least no cage to go to. He didn't need reminding of what that Saturday was. He didn't need reminding what day it was. But it seems the world around him keep finding a way to remind him of everything he wanted to forget. He met the tensai who handed the envelope, he says the spectacled buchou, the cheerful gymnast and the mother-hen figure who was now the sought after cardiologist in Japan sends their regards. He never thought he would share anything with these people, except the rivalry they shared in Middle school. But then, here they were, all friends and worried about each other's betterment. Or so they were about him, he, he was not particularly expressive.

"_You have to let it out sometimes…Ryou, look at me. Say it." She somehow hypnotizes him, and with her all her defenses were defenseless._

Every Saturday he made his way to that same solitary place, the quietest place he could find. He would stop by the same florist, buy the same bouquet of flower. He would sit on the same grass, rest his back on the same stone, and whisper the same words. Relieving everything, everything that he wanted so much to grasp in his hands and never let go.

"_I'm really nervous about being here today sir, and I really don't know what to say to you." with his hands shaking, he holds out a small black box to the fatherly figure before him, "I bought this for her, and, I wanted to give to her, if only I knew that you would approve. I, I wanted to as you first before I asked her." He kneels and bows before the silver haired man in spectacles. "If she accepts, please let me marry your daughter."_

_The fatherly figure was silent for a moment, he glanced at his wife who smiled at him, "Welcome to the family Ryou." He embraced the man he had known since his middle school years._

"_I guess you're stuck with us now, Shishido-senpai. Welcome to the family giri no ani." His silver haired doubles partner hugged him, and he never felt more at home than he ever was._

That same breeze blew on his face. That same lonely breeze that reminded him of the emptiness in his life.

"_Cheiko, you've been there every step of the way, and although me and Choutarou have had our petty quarrels, you stood by me without hurting your oto. Cheiko, thank you for everything, thank you for making me see how beautiful life is. For teaching me what faith was. Cheiko…will you marry me?"_

The same cold tears flowed from his eyes, the same cold tears he swore to himself to be held back forever. But he guessed forever hasn't come yet.

"_Choutarou, I'll never do anything to hurt her. I promise to be a good husband to your Neechan. I'll provide for her, keep her safe, you don't have to worry about her. I promise you that Choutarou."_

The same birds chirped the loneliest song he had ever heard. The same song that he hums every single day.

"_Moshi-moshi, Fuji, I was wondering if you could photograph me and Cheiko for the pre-wedding pictures and on the wedding day as well? Doesn't matter the cost, I want the best for my bride."_

The same rumbling of the gardener's cleaning cart was heard emphasizing the solitude he was in.

"_This one would look lovely on you Cheiko. Any wedding dress will look lovely on you. You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen."_

The same regrets come to the surface, he wipes the tears and pulls his long brown hair to cover his face as he burried his head on his knees.

"_Can't someone else do that? We're getting married in a week. Cheiko, can't you say no to your boss? Please."_

The seasons change, the months reminded him of how the emptiness will never be filled. Never be filled by the one he longed to fill it with.

"_Shishido-senpai…"_

"_Choutarou, did your tux arrive yet? The wedding is in three day...what's wrong Choutarou?"_

"_It's about oneechan…"_

He screamed from the top of his lungs, he screamed but he could never be heard. Never will his cries reach the ears of the one he was screaming for.

"_Shishido, do you need anything? You know we're here for you right? We are Hyotei, and we will always be here for you."_

"_It's okay guys, just, leave me be."_

He opened the envelope the tensai gave him, something different from his regular routine. He said something about giving him the package earlier but never being able to find the right reasons to do so.

"_She was the prettiest bride…would have been the prettiest bride. She was your princess sir, but she was my queen. She was my everything."_

In his solitude, firm warm hands held his shoulder, the cry baby was now the comforter, and the comforter the one crying. For the first time in the longest time he heard what anyone said.

"Shishido-senpai, it's time to let go. She was your fiancée, but she was my sister. You were with her when you fell-in-love with her, I was with her all my life. I hurt as much as you do. I want her here as much as you do. But it's time to let her go. It's time to give her the peace that she deserves. She loved you very much Shishido-senpai, and she wouldn't want to see you like this."

He wiped his eyes, looked at the pictures that the tensai gave to him, looked intensely at their pre-wedding photographs. The last capture of her beauty, of her gentleness, of all the things that she was, all the things that made him fall-in-love with her; all the things that gave him a reason to live.

"Shishido-senpai…"

He shook his head, breathe deeply, lifted his head to the sky. Summer has never been this cold. He turns to his kohai and asks a question he's been asking himself for the longest time.

"Why today? Why did she have to die on my birthday? Why was I not given a chance to show her how much I love her? Why was I not given a chance to spend the rest of my life with her?"

Bitterly he screamed, bitterly he longed for the one thing he will never have, never again.

"I cannot answer those questions senpai, but I know oneechan can't answer them as well."

He grabbed his kohai, searching his eyes for answers he know he will never find, then throws his arms around his doubles partner and would have been giri no ani.

"Let go senpai, let oneechan rest in peace."

For the longest time, he heeded his kohai's plea. He knelt before the rock that only reminded him of her, in the only place where he could be with her. He whispered one last time.

"Cheiko…Aishitemasu…I will forever love you."

He wept for what seemed like hours, and his kohai patiently waited standing beside him as he poured all his emotions to the air, to the sky, to the heavens.

"Time for me to live again Choutarou, that is what Cheiko wanted."

His kohai nodded and walked with him, back to the city, back to the place he called home, back to the people who cared for him when he didn't care for himself.

"Shishido-senpai…Happy Birthday."

"Arigato…gozaimasu…Choutarou."

For the first time, in the longest time, he felt the warmth of summer, he heard the birds sing a happy song, his world had meaning, he existed again.

**-oOo-**

**I adapted the Cheiko from my other story Hana as Choutarou's sister.**


	2. The Day Kikumaru Fell Silent

**SOMETHINGS I'LL NEVER KNOW SERIES: The Day That Kikumaru Fell Silent**

**DISCLAIMER: PoT does not belong to me.**

**-oOo-**

No one would believe that he was hiding something. No one would believe that there was something bothering him. More than that, no one would believe that he of all people was disturbed by the latest news that shook every member of the Seigaku Men's Tennis Club on the day of their reunion. Who would now? He was always happy, the most cheerful of them all. He was the one who was going from table to table making sure that everyone was to be annoyed by his silly childish antics…that is despite the fact that they were no longer middle schoolers. No they weren't, in fact they are long past that stage of life. They were men, grown men, professional men, some of them even have a family of their own. There was no rush, there were still more bachelors than there were married men in their club. And besides, he was not one to worry about such things, he was happy with his single life, he was in no hurry. Well, at least that was everyone thought, and only the other half of the Golden Pair knew the truth behind the smile.

"_You're crying…again."_

"_I'm sorry Kikumaru-kun, don't mind me, I'm okay."_

"_No you're not, you're crying, you can't be crying and be okay. And those are not tears of joy."_

_*Sobs* "Kikumaru-kun, please, is just…"_

"_Akiyama-kun, don't go!"_

He was always there; he was the one who always saw the tears, the lonely sobs, and the broken heart. He knew the reason behind the loneliness, and he didn't do anything; or maybe he just couldn't do anything then, maybe now he can, maybe, maybe not. So he pretends not to hear, he pretend to be his ordinary self, he pretends to enjoy the gathering, when inside of him he was tearing up. He would not show the tears, not that he was afraid that they wouldn't understand. They of all people would understand, because the friendship they share is deeper than words can say. But of all the eyes in that room, there was only one who truly knew how he felt. But he himself did not say a word, he respected his peace, he respected his choice to be happy. Or was he really happy, of was it all a mask. He was like a jester playing in the king's courts, laughing and making people laugh, when the truth was that he was empty inside. He listens to their stories, and show them a smile, but there was always a story that he would always remember.

"_Kikumaru-kun, please don't tell anyone what I've told you."_

"_I won't, if you promise to never cry again."_

"_I can't promise you that Kikumaru-kun."_

"_But, Akiyama-kun, please don't get me wrong."_

"_What is it Kikumaru-kun?"_

"_I love listening to your stories…even if…they are really sad. I'm happy that you trust me. But don't you get tired of those stories?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I think you deserve a happy story. One that has a happy ever after, not like the ones you have right now."_

"_Do you think this loneliness will ever end Kikumaru-kun?"_

"_Only you can answer that Akiyama-kun."_

He closes his eyes and tries to remember the stories he was told. The endless drama, the made for TV moments that were actually happening in real life; he remembered all of them, no matter how long ago it was, he remembers. And there was one who remembers with him, but for now he lets him remember on his own, because here in this show, he was the happy guy, that was his show and he wouldn't take that away from him. He was the jester, and he was the jester's friend, to whom he cried after everyone else has had their laugh.

"_Akiyama-kun, smile."_

_*Sobs*_

"_Akiyama-kun…"_

"_I'm sorry Kikumaru-kun, maybe I should just end this all?"_

"_That is up to you Akiyama-kun."_

"_I want to be happy Kikumaru-kun."_

"_Then choose to be."_

He never really cared; all he made of that precious gem was a display. He treated his precious gem like crap, like a doll to play with, like some old rag doll that you can dump and forget about. He knew better, such a gem should never be treated such way, a precious gem should be cared for, given the royal treatment; a precious gem is something that you protect, something that you treasure the way a treasure is to be treated. But he was not in place to teach anyone that, after all he the care-free youngest child from next door who grew up with that precious gem.

"_Eiji…"_

"_Nothing to see here Oishi."_

"_Eiji, let's talk."_

"_She's back in his arms."_

"_Eiji, listen."_

"_I'm tired of giving her advice Oishi. She just never listens. She always goes back to him each time he says he's sorry."_

"_Eiji…"_

"_No! I'm tired!"_

"_Do you really like her that much?"_

"_Oishi, I thought she was finally listening to me. I thought she finally got it. I thought she finally realized that she was worth more than what he was treating her. Or so I thought."_

"_Eiji…"_

"_I don't want to think about it Oishi, let's just go to practice."_

How many times did they have those private conversations where no one else could hear? It was countless, countless that he could not remember how many times he said he had given up but ending up only trying again. And his partner was always there when he fell back into that asylum of his insanity, the partner who saw it all, the partner who tried to talk sense into his jumbled up mind but he just couldn't hear a single word that he said. Or maybe he just refused to accept what he said, just like how his precious gem refused to accept his own words.

"_Why?"_

"_What do you mean why Kikumaru-kun?"_

"_Why can't you just set yourself free?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Akiyama-kun, why do you stay with him when he treats you badly?"_

"_Kikumaru-kun."_

"_Why do you spend all your time trying to make it work, when he clearly doesn't value you as much?"_

"_Because I love him, Kikumaru-kun."_

"_If he loved you as much as you did him, you wouldn't be crying…"_

"_Kikumaru-kun…"_

"_It's not like there are no other men in this world Akiyama-kun."_

"_Kiku…"_

"_There is someone out there, who will love you more, someone who will take care of you, someone who will wipe your tears instead of making you cry. Someone who will show you how beautiful love can be…"_

"_Kikumaru-kun, if there was someone out there like you say so. Then, I hope he will wait for me, I hope he will wait for me to wake up from this dream. But if I don't, then I hope that he will still love me, even if."_

Why did he not verbalize his true intentions then? Maybe if he did things would turn out differently, maybe their reunion wouldn't be so gloomy and dark. Had he listened to his doubles partner's advice, maybe he would have been happier. Maybe he wouldn't be the jester that he was right now. Maybe he would be the king being entertained by the jester. Maybe he would be counting the smiles and not the tears. And maybe he would be remembering the colors of the rainbow, not the raindrops on his window.

"_We see each other every day, and it seems like thousands of times since we first met."_

"_What do you mean Kikumaru-kun?"_

"_Of the thousands, I can only count the times that you smiled."_

"_Kikumaru-kun."_

"_It's like you continuously choose sadness over happiness, and I can't understand why."_

"_This is not like you."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_The Kikumaru-kun I know was happy, care-free…"_

"_The Kikumaru-kun you know, can also feel hurt, and he feels hurt every time he sees you cry."_

Maybe he was just stupid, that he never really understood the meaning of love. Was it his fault, or was it hers? She chose to stay when he has been saying leave. He didn't understand why in middle school, and he still didn't understand now. His doubles' partner gave him a glance of worry, but shoved it off; this was not the time to talk. He moved to the next person he could be jester to, his buchou was disciplined as always, and he was not surprise that he was the first to marry. If there was someone he knew who would truly respect and love and treasure a precious gem it was his buchou, and what his buchou has was rare, and he was happy that to this day his buchou still treasured his gem. Unlike his precious gem, the gem that he has been treasuring since middles school, the gem that someone else got hold off and never took care of.

"_I hear Oishi-kun won't be going to Seishun High School."_

"_Hai…"_

"_I know it may be a wrong time to say this Kikumaru-kun, given that Oishi-kun will transfer school."_

"_You're leaving too aren't you?"_

"_Gomennasai Kikumaru-kun, but Chiyo wanted us to go to the same high-school."_

"_Will he treat you right if you do?"_

"_Kikumaru-kun…"_

"_it's not my choice."_

"_Kikumaru-kun please don't go."_

Sometimes he just convinced himself that his gem was just stupid, but then he would feel guilty for thinking such. He knew she was not, of all the things in the world she could be, stupid was not one of them, fact is she was smart, probably the smartest girl she has ever met. but maybe event eh smartest people have their own silliness. If he did all the mistakes that she did, no one would be surprised, after all he was the jester right? But her, she was the queen, and she deserved a king, not some washed up prince charming want to-be who'll sweep you off your feet then leave you to do the laundry while he sleeps with his concubines. No she didn't deserve that, but what could a jester like him do? His doubles' partner gives him another glance, but he shakes his head, and he nods. He moves to the next person he could pester to forget about the news he heard. His tensai friend was unbelievably happier than usual, why wouldn't he be, in a month he will marry the girl of his dream, and they will ride off to the sunset for their happily ever after, unlike he.

"_Oishi, the world id strange."_

"_What do you mean? Don't you like your new classmates?"_

"_It's not about school."_

"_Is it about Akiyama-kun?"_

"_I'm glad that we can still see each other on weekends Oishi."_

"_Eiji…is this about Akiyama-kun?"_

_*Sighs*_

"_What happened Eiji?"_

"_She stopped calling. And they moved out."_

"_She doesn't live next door anymore?"_

"_They move out before school started, they moved somewhere closer to her new school."_

"_I see, and she hasn't called you since they moved out?"_

"_She did, then, she stopped."_

"_Don't worry Eiji."_

"_I can't not worry Oishi! I can't!"_

"_Eiji…"_

"_I can't…you and Inui go to a different school, Fuji-kun is in a different section, Tezuka-kun is in Germany, Taka-san didn't go to high school…Akiyama-kun is with…him…I can't not worry Oishi…"_

"_I'm sorry Eiji…"_

"_The world is strange."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Because the world treats like trash, what I treasure most."_

When he looks back that would have been the saddest day of his life, but it wasn't. Maybe it was, but it wasn't, he knew it wasn't. Because he remembers everything, even though the years have covered everything, he knew deep inside he remembers. He holds back tears that he has been holding back since the moment the news was given. He tries so hard, so he moves on to the data man; even he was happy, sure he was a bachelor like him, but at least he was happy, because he found someone to make him happy, he may not know if the one he looks to as his precious gem looks back to him as a gentle jeweler, but at least he had someone to make him smile, a genuine smile. Not like the smile he has been wearing all night, all fake, all jesterly, all a show. At least the date man, although a bachelor like him, had found a reason not to be a bachelor any more, not like him.

"_How's Med School Oishi?"_

"_It's a lot difficult than I thought Eiji? How's theater?"_

"_It's fun."_

"_I'm happy to hear than Eiji."_

"_Have you heard the news Oishi?"  
"What news?"_

"_About Tezuka?"  
"Hai. It was actually Fuji and I who convinced him to finally do what he has been holding back since middle school. And now I think he's happier."_

"_I bet you Tezuka will be the first to marry."_

"_Maybe, we should be happy for him."_

"_I am. But have you heard of the other new?"_

"_About?"_

"_Akiyama-kun."_

"_Oh…I'm sorry I haven't"_

"_She didn't go to University."_

"_Oh…what did she…?"_

"_She got married."_

"_To whom?"_

"_Him."_

"_Oh…Eiji…"_

"_it's okay…I hope she's happier now."_

"_How did you know?"_

"_I went to visit Taka-san, I saw her there, and we talked a little."_

"_Eiji…"_

He looked over the counter, even he burning member of their tennis club was happy. Of course he was, he's a newlywed, he and his wife now run the Sushi Shop where they always gather for their reunions. Even his doubles partner was happy with his own gem, he hasn't proposed to her yet, but he was certain he would. He was certain because the way he talked about her was the way he would talk about his own gem, had he held her in his hand.

All night long he pretended, he was good at it, he was after all one of the best theater actors in Japan, it would be a shame if he was not able to pull it off. The parade of smiles, as he would want to call it, to him the world was a stage. He was a comical genius and no one would know, no one, except his doubles' partner. When everyone had left, and all that he had was himself, he would walk out the doors of their favorite sushi shop; get in his car and drive. He would drive to nowhere in particular, home seem to be a very sad place right now. He did, yes he did still live in that same house with his parents. He wanted to take care of them, now that they were older. And home was a lonely place right now, especially when he will always remember the girl from next door.

After a while he would stop, he would stop and get off his car, he would look up the stars and breathe deeply, then a cold breeze will blow, would embrace it like he would embrace her. And finally, after all the laughter and smiles, he would let out the tears he had been holding back that night. The tears were so warm on his cheeks, they were so warm, no wonder his gem always shed tears, they were so warm. Repeatedly he would run the events earlier that evening in his mind, repeatedly until he was numb.

"_Did you hear what happened to Akiyama-senpai?" the younger power player asked his team mates._

"_Who?" he asked, hoping he mistakenly heard the name._

"_Akiyama-senpai, she was a friend of yours right Eiji-senpai?"_

"_H-Hai." He looks to his doubles partner searching for solace._

"_I read in the newspaper she was beaten to death by her husband, then, the husband took his own life after seeing his wife's dead body. Apparently he was a drunk, and he's been beating her a lot since they were first married. Good thing they didn't have children…" the younger power player continued on but nothing made sense to him anymore._

He screamed to the top of his lungs, but really didn't know why he was screaming, or what he was screaming. All he knew was that inside of him was so much tension that he just had to let it out. Why didn't she listen? Why did she choose to suffer? He told her so. He's been telling her so since they were in middle school. But she never listened. Neither did he tell her that he was that guy, who was waiting for her, that he was that guy who would love her right. He never told her that he was that someone who would treasure her the way that she deserved to be treasured. He never did. So what right did he have to be angry? What right did have to cry? He never told her, she never knew. Maybe if he did it wouldn't be this way. Maybe if he told her she would have been happy, she would still be alive. Maybe if he told her, he wouldn't be alone right now, standing in the dark somewhere screaming to the air.

He fell to his knees and buried his face on his palms, crying out like he had never done before. There was no trace of the happy acrobat tennis player. No he was gone. That night he was not there. He was alone. Or so maybe he thought he was. In that time of despair and loneliness he sought refuge in the cold of the night, in solitude. But there was someone who saw everything from the start, someone who knew of his broken heart, the only one who really understood how he felt when the news was broken out earlier than night. The one person who knew to wait outside of the sushi bar, silently in his own car and wait for his acrobatic doubles' partner to get into his car and drive off. There was only one person who knew everything from the start, that he knew that night he would tail his doubles' partner to wherever it was he was going at that hour of night, and be there when he breaks down and forgets everything about the happy, care-free acrobatics player; and turn into the frustrated, desperate bachelor who waited, waited, waited ending up only to be wasted. He knew that night he would follow his doubles' partner and fall on his knees beside him to show him he was not alone.

"Eiji…"

"She's gone Oishi…she's gone and I'm never going to her again…"

"Eiji…"

"She's gone and I never even knew what she went through, I never knew. I knew he would hurt her, but I never did anything. I never did anything Oishi!"

"You did."

"No I didn't! I didn't!"

"You did Eiji. You did something."

"Then why is she dead?"

"Eiji…you loved her, from the very start."

"OIshi…"

"You loved her, when she chose to love someone else."

"I did…"

"You loved her, when the world mistreated her."

"Oishi…she's gone…"

"You loved her the way he never did."

"I love her Oishi."

"You loved her, even if, you loved her Eiji, and that was more than enough. That was all you needed to do."

"Oishi…"

"Shhh…it's okay Eiji."

"I love her."

"Remember what you said to her, when we were in middle school?"

"Which?"

"There is someone out there, who will love you more, someone who will take care of you, someone who will wipe your tears instead of making you cry. Someone who will show you how beautiful love can be…."

"Oishi…"

"Remember your own advice Eiji, remember that, and keep that in mind. Remember your own words Eiji. Remember them, and learn to love again. Someone is waiting for you Eiji, do not make that someone out there, go through what you are going through right now. Do not hurt that someone, the way that you have been hurting all these years."

"Remember…"

"Remember Eiji…remember."

He would close his eyes and sit there in a grassy place in the dark of the night, somewhere, beside his doubles partner who he knew would help him through, until the day he learned to love again.


	3. Gakuto's Sweet Secret

**SOMETHINGS I'LL NEVER KNOW SERIES: Gakuto's Sweet Secret**

**DISCLAIMER: PoT does not belong to me.**

**-oOo-**

How long do you plan on staring? It's not polite to stare you know. He mentally slapped himself as he tried so hard to take his eyes off the petite green haired girl that always come by his sweets shop. She would always pick the same dessert, a slice of strawberry daifuku to go and anmitsu that she eats in the shop with a bottle of water. Each time she comes by to buy, it always makes his day. Her sweet tooth was just as sweet as her smile, and it made his heart go all acrobatic inside his chest. She was perfect for him.

"_Arigato gozaimashita, mata kite kudasai!" he would say as she moves her way out of his sweets shop, and she would always give me a smile._

He would follow her by eye, she always takes that right turn by that alley after, and after about twenty minutes she would emerge on the main street no longer holding the paper bag with t he strawberry daifuku slice inside. He always thought she visited a friend maybe, and maybe she was that sweet of a person that she would buy a little something for that friend. But why the alley? Maybe she was hard to understand, much like him. Then she would disappear in the crowd of Tokyo's busy street. And he being the busy body that he was would go around his sweet shop, fixing things, picking up trash that his staff failed to get. Maybe he has changed somehow, the bratty, mouthful of words, restless acrobat was different when it comes to dealing with his staff, he was, actually, and unbelievably…nice. He was nice. Yes it was hard to accept that fact that he was actually nice to people. And his staff really liked working for him, put aside the fact that they get to bring home free sweets from the shop whenever they like; and also the fact that he sponsors all the sweets in their parties for the family. So maybe he wasn't actually that nice, maybe he was just, I don't know, a giver? Or maybe he was really nice to them. But despite the contradictions in character he always believed in destiny, in soul mates, and in a happy-ever-after. Despite the spiteful attitude he showed in the tennis court, he was actually a sweet middle child.

The sun was at its peak and he knew that someone else would be coming over soon, so he unties his apron, wipes the confectionary sugar splattered on his shirt and pants, and remind his staff to take care of the shop while he was gone. Outside his sweets shop, like clock-work, his blue-haired doubles partner would par his car, and he would get on that car with a happy face. He would greet him, chat with him on the short ride to the same tower, no empire, that they meet up for lunch with an old friend. He enjoyed spending time with his blue-haired doubles partner, especially now, they all had to stick together, be strong for that brown-haired stubborn, old-time friend and former teammate who just lost someone special in his life. They had to be strong for him, and it didn't really matter if they had problems of their own. For now, they're worlds revolved around his, because they were his friends, and what he was going through is something none of them would ever want to experience.

They reach that tower and greet their old buchou who is on his way out with his wife, he was certain they were spending lunch on some expensive restaurant. He didn't bother much, he knew what they were doing was more important than rubbing elbow with his former buchou in some fancy place. So he puts on a smile, waves to the silver haired cry baby, the poker-faced orange head he was once paired with in the National Tournament, they were there waiting for the same sorry figure to get down from his office. He would restlessly stand around with them, but his mind was actually still wondering where the green-haired girl went to in the alley next to his sweets shop. He wanted to know her name, what in kind of girl she was, and who was the slice of strawberry daifuku for? Then the sorry figure of his old-time friend and former team mate would appear from the hollow elevators of that empire to meet them. He was sorry for his friend, he prays every day that he would finally find solace and comfort. Maybe in his mind he was secretly praying so, so they didn't have to do this routine of lunching out together so he can finally figure out the green-haired girl was. He wasn't blaming his friend for being sulked up and sorry for his poor soul, he understood that what has happened to the brown-haired counter-puncher was far beyond easy. But he had a life as well, each one of them had a life to live. But because he was a good friend, he did this, every single day.

After lunch he would watch the sorry soul walk back to his office, and he mentally notes, that he never wishes to experience that same fate. That was why he needed to learn more about the green-haired girl. His blue-haired doubles' partner would drop him off across from his sweets shop and he makes his way back to the hospital he works at. Then he thinks to himself, why would the brown hair counter-puncher walk his way to work? He was a lawyer for crying-out-loud, and he had a car, he was sure he had a car. He remembers it to be a silver sports car, or was it a black sports car. It didn't matter, he was sure he had one. But then again he slaps himself back to reality, he enters his sweets shop with a line of customers having their after lunch treats. Business was truly blooming and he was glad. Then he notices the green-haired girl walking across the street. Where is she going to? And where had she been? Will she be coming over to the sweets shop again? She passes by and all his hopes of her passing by to get some after lunch treat was shattered.

Every day he gladly made his way to his sweets shop, and gladly waited for the green-haired girl to walk in. three out of six days in the week that his shop was open she would come by, buying the same items. He tried offering her something else from the counter, but she politely refused and bought the same items over and over and over. His staff would sometimes tease him about her; it wasn't that obvious he was interested, put aside that fact that he always instructed his staff to give her a larger slice of cake or make sure that the anmitsu that they serve her were fifty grams more than the usual. He really wasn't that obvious. He noticed her coming in during the peak hours of the morning, and he devised a way for his to know her name.

After much observing, he noted the days when she would come in to his sweets shop, and he knew that today was one of those days, so implemented a new rule in his sweets shop, customers to be served at the counter will give their names instead of being issued numbers for the claim counter. His plan as ingenious, well actually, it wasn't his plan, it was his doubles partner's plan. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to tell someone, and who else perfect to tell than his blue-haired doubles partner; he did want to tell his old time friend the brown-haired counter-puncher, but her was in a funk right now and him having lost someone he loved dearly would not the ideal person to ask for advice on his love life.

"_Yushi, I never liked girl before."_

"_You like sweets, tennis, winning, acrobatics, pestering your younger brother…and your older sister. But girl? Hai, definitely not on the list that you liked Gakuto."_

"_Yushi…I'm trying to tell you something here."_

"_Well, approach her."_

"_Yushi…you know I can't…or I think I can't, I don't know I haven't really tried."_

"_You want to know her name eh? Well, you could…"_

So the plan went well, and he finally got the name he has been longing to know. He dials his doubles partner's number and happily reports that he got the name of the green-haired girl, his partner replied that he was happy for him, but he couldn't talk about it right then because he was in surgery. So they make plans to meet that night. He was happy, but his smile was quickly wiped away when he noticed the green-haired girl running from the alley, he could swear she was crying. He quickly ran out his sweets shop and tried to search for the green haired girl on the ocean of people walking the busy street, but somehow she managed to disappear.

It's been more than a week that the green-haired girl didn't come to visit his shop, and he was getting worried. He missed her sweet smile, and the extra large slice of strawberry daifuku always waited on the display for her to come, but for more than a week she hadn't. So he finally decided to find out for himself what was in that alley, what made her cry that day, and who's been getting that extra large slice of strawberry daifuku and he always prepared. Much to his surprise, there was a small art shop in the alley, he never noticed it before, and he never really thought an art shop would be located in such a place. Maybe the extra large slice of strawberry daifuku was being given to an artist. But who was the artist? Was he a he, or a she? Were they related? And why would she buy him, or her, a slice of cake before heading off somewhere, to work maybe, or some other place.

It's been a month, and no green-haired hair came. He started to lose hope of ever seeing her again, and their lunch out with the brown-haired counter-puncher was getting less and less since he's been recovering well, thanks to the silver haired crybaby of course. He had to talk to his doubles partner, he was really freaking out, but he too was busy, the price he had to pay for being one of the most sought after plastic surgeon in the country. He sighs, and hopes another day.

After a while he started to forget about the green haired girl, he forgot about the little art shop in the alley. He was now preoccupied to a little reunion game that they were playing against a former rival school, his mind was focused on crushing a certain cat-like acrobat player who just happened to be a famous theater actor now. Then the doors of his sweets shop opened, and behold, the green haired girl whose name he was trying to recall walked in. his world stopped for a while, his heart stopped for a split second, then started beating like it was racing up against a bullet train. He almost dropped the freshly baked Banana Cream Pie he was holding when he saw her. He just had to gather up the courage to speak this time.

"_It's been a while."_

"_Gomennasai, I was out of the country."_

"_Hontouni? Where did you go?"_

"_Italy."_

"_I hope you enjoyed yourself there."_

_She smiles at him, "Not really, I missed the sweets."_

"_The same order then?"_

"_Hai."_

"_Arigato gozaimashita, mata kite kudasai!"_

What was he thinking? 'Thank you, come again' was the best that he could say? Really? He mentally slaps himself in the head and runs after the green haired girl.

"_Yasou-san!"_

"_Hai?"_

"_Can we have tea sometime?"_

"_Nani?"_

"_Tea, do you mind if we have tea some time?"_

"_Naze ikenai no."_

"_Really?"_

"_Hai."_

"_I'm Gakuto, by the way."_

"_I know who you are, you're a famous sweets chef, Mukahi Gakuto-san."_

She knew who he was. I mean was he stupid enough to think she wouldn't know him? He has been featured in several magazines on pastries, and his sweets shop was famous in Tokyo. Again, he mentally slaps himself on the head. But at least he finally muttered up the courage to ask her out. Of course he dials his doubles partner's number again, he was happy for him and invited him for drinks that night to which he gladly accepted.

He looked forward to the days that he would have tea with her in a tea house near-by, and he always made sure he had something sweet for her when they meet up. The days turned to months, and he was pretty sure that he needed to tell her that she was the icing on his cake. But how? So again he consults the blue-haired tensai, and as always he had an advice or two for his acrobatic friend.

He finally gathered the courage to say so, and he planned carefully on how, on where. She accepted his offer for dinner which was a step-up from their usual afternoon tea "dates", he dressed up good for this, and he packed a special box of the choice sweets from his shop as special gift. He was excited, so excited like he's never been before, more excited that crushing the other acrobatic player from a former rival team. It was definitely different from the usual excitement he experienced before. And his doubles partner was very supportive of him, even picked the right suite for him to wear. He checked his reflection on the mirror one last time before heading out the door. He checked his watch to make sure he was early for the dinner. She refused for him to pick her up, so they agreed to meet up in the restaurant suggested by his former buchou, and expensive one of course, but it doesn't matter, for her he'd spend his entire saving.

He arrived twenty minutes earlier than the set time and he gladly ordered a good wine to start up as he patiently waited for her to arrive. He was day dreaming about how beautiful she would look like, and how happy she would be once he tells her that he wanted to formally court her. Then his mind drifted off to how he would buy the perfect ring, plan the perfect wedding, raise the perfect family, be the perfect husband, the perfect father to two or three kids. Then, his phone rang, he stiffened, he thought she was calling to cancel the meet up. He gathered the courage to pick the phone from his left side pocket. To his relief it was only his doubles partner checking in on him, making sure everything was alright, it was actually normal for him to do that since this was the first time he ever actually liked a girl in this way. The conversation was short, and he purposely made it short, he didn't want her to come into the restaurant with him talking on the phone; he wanted everything to be perfect, from the moment she enters until the moment she sits right across him in that isolated table.

Then out of the dark came a dazzling lady dressed in silver with her green hair just dangling on her shoulder, she picked an elegant shoe to match and the way she walked was just perfect. She smiled gently to him as he stood up, like the perfect gentleman that his doubles partner thought him to act, at least for that night, the clumsy, hyperactive acrobat was nowhere to be seen. She gracefully walked to the table, where he pulled out the chair for her and watched her gracefully seat. He was so captivated by her beauty that he failed to notice that behind the smile, her eyes were filled with sadness.

The night was slow, and he enjoyed every moment of it, not noticing that she was preoccupied by a thought that he was not sure he wanted to know of. After dessert she let out a sigh, and that was his first clue, for that whole evening, that something was bothering the green-haired beauty seated across him. That was when he finally asked, and that was when she finally looked straight into his eyes and in that moment he knew. Words were spoken, words that were actually quite ordinary, simple and easy to understand, but to him, those words seemed jumbled up, confusing and enigmatic. He was dumbfounded, and he really was not sure what to do. Until words escaped his lips, words that he wish he hadn't said, words that he wish he could take back, but he couldn't, how could he? When her eyes lighted up after she heard those words. Then, the night ended, and to him it seemed that the world stopped spinning.

For days he refused to talk to anyone, he would reject his doubles partner's call; he refused to return the brown-haired counter puncher's messages left in his machine, even if he himself just recovered from the tragedy he went through. He didn't open the door when the narcoleptic team mate would come to visit, nor did he accept his former buchou's invitation to play an game with some former rivals, yes even that, even the thought of crushing the acrobat player from the former rival school in the tennis court had no appeal to him. He just sulked in his condominium, he just wanted to be alone.

After weeks of solitude, he finally decided he needed some sunshine, so he went out, waling to nowhere in particular, until his feet had taken him to a familiar place. A place where he first realized how much he loved the game, a place where he met all those wonderful people who up until now he called friends. After weeks of solitude he went back to the place he once called home, to the walls of that middle school he once attended. And who would expect that there also waiting was the blue-haired plastic surgeon who he calls doubles partner. He smiles at him, and he nodded.

"I've been waiting for you Gakuto."

He sighs.

"I've been going here for several days now, hoping you'd come, but you never did, so I just waited."

"Yushi, go home."

"What happened that night Gakuto?"

"Nothing you'd want to know."

"This is not like you. Getting down like this."

"You wouldn't understand Yushi, besides, you're engaged."

"And what has that to do with not understanding? Did she reject your proposal?"

"No."

"Then why so down? You don't like her after all, and you realize this after you've confessed to her and are now wondering how you would break it to her?"

"Yushi…"

"Just throwing some ideas running in my head."

He fell silent.

"You always had the sweet tooth."

"What?"

"You always had the sweet tooth. In the team, and it's no surprise that you founded a sweets shop, became a well known pastry chef."

"She's pregnant."

"It suites you Gakuto, really…I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"She's pregnant Yushi."

"You got her pregnant? What! Gakuto! How could you? This is not how we discussed this…"

"Yushi…"

"Gakuto, how are you going to face her parents? That is a disgrace Gakuto? I now you better than this, why Gakuto? Couldn't you have waited?"

"I didn't get her pregnant."

"Gakuto, you're making my head burst. You were just going to confess that you like her that night, not get her pregnant!"

"Yushi, are you hearing a word I'm saying?"

"Yes! She's pregnant. I heard you. Have you talked to her parents about it? Clearly you have to be a man and give that baby a name."

"Yushi! Will you shut up and listen carefully! She's pregnant, I'm not the father!"

"Exactly!...Huh? What?"

He gives off a desperate deep breath and falls to his knees.

"Oh…Who is…"

"The one who she gives the slice of strawberry daifuku to."

"What?"

"The slice of strawberry daifuku that she buys from the shop three times a week. She visits the owner of the little art shop in the alley near the shop three times a week and brings him a slice of strawberry daifuku. They went to Italy a few months back and I guess that's where it happened."

"Gakuto, I'm sorry…"

"She's about two to three months pregnant and he proposed to marry her, you know, give the child a name, stuffs like that. And she was confused if she would accept it or not, she said she could raise the child on her own if the father didn't want to, but apparently he did. He came that night because she needed a friend to ask. And she thought, I was the friend to ask…"

"Oh, Gakuto…"

"I told her, go ahead, marry the guy, and give the kid a name. If that would make you happy. And her eyes just lit up and it was like she really needed someone to tell her that. I guess she really wanted to start a family with him, just that…"

"This came first."

"Hai."

"Gakuto, it's not the end."

"She was the first girl I actually liked Yushi. I use to day dream of how I would propose to her, I use to plan on the perfect wedding, starting a perfect family, having perfect kids, being the perfect husband…but the world isn't perfect, is it Yushi?"

"Iie, it isn't Gakuto."

"What do I do now Yushi? She's gone, I heard the art shop closed and I think they went to Italy."

"Maybe it's better that way."

"How?"

"Can you stand living seeing her in another man's arms? Carrying another man's child?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Gakuto. It doesn't end here you know, there is someone out there for you, someone who can be the icing on your cake, the cherry on your ice cream, the strawberry on you strawberry daifuku…"

He smiles at his doubles partner. Maybe one day, he will find that sweet soul that will surpass his sweet tooth, and maybe they'll share a little sweet secret together. But for now, he was happy he had his doubles partner to keep him sane. He was happy he had his team to keep him company, for now, they were the dose of sweets that he needed, and for now, that was enough.


	4. The Look In Kaidoh's Eyes

**SOMETHING I'LL NEVER KNOW SERIES: The Look in Kaidoh's Eyes**

**DISCLAIMER: PoT is not mine.**

**I was listening to C. Perri's A Thousand Years when this happened…Note to self, when inspiration strikes; you can't do anything about it, because you won't be able to sleep until you get it out of your system. (-;)**

**-oOo-**

He always had that look in his eyes, a scary look, frightening if you must describe it. His face was an expression of bitterness and anger. His personality is one that is feared. After all, he projected as such, that no one would dare to mess with him especially not that acknowledged rival of his from the same tennis club. But there was someone who knew better, someone who saw deeper, someone who saw pass the feared look in his eyes.

He looks at his reflection in the mirror, fixes his bow tie and finally wears his coat. He stares at his reflection for a few more minutes trying to figure out whether he would leave that room or not. He looks out the window and reminisce the memories of that backyard.

"_Kaoru-kun, what do you want to be when you grow up?"_

"_I want to be a pilot." He replies as a plane flies over them as they lay in the green grass._

"_A pilot? Hontouni? Hmn. Ne, I want to be a photographer." She playfully responded as she makes a square of her fingers and pretends to be taking pictures of the trees that were shadowing them._

"_The you can take pictures of me and my crew." He happily shares._

"_That would be nice."_

He smiles. Those were happier times, he was more care free and the world didn't have so much pain and sorrow. He sighs at the sight of the beautiful backyard where he used to play, not worrying about tomorrow and things that grown-ups do. He wishes he could go back. Back to being a child, then maybe he would be happier.

His phone rings. He answers the call from his former buchou asking him if he was going to bring a car or riding with them in the carpool for the event. He wasn't sure, he hadn't really thought about it even if they had planned for it days ago. He makes a snap judgement and says that he'll just go on his own. His former buchou understood and ended that call. He sits on his bed with his elbows to his knees he stares at the floor, he wasn't really sure he wanted to go. He just stares and let his mind fly, to a time when he was happier.

"_Ne, Kaoru-kun, I heard you joined the tennis club."_

"_Hai, I did. I heard you joined the school paper as a photographer."_

"_Ah, Hai. Maybe I'll take pictures of you and the tennis club?" she replies with a smile._

"_That would be nice." He smiles at her in return._

"_Kaoru-kun, I noticed you changed."_

"_Nani? How so?"_

"_You seem a bit scary, and the look in your eyes is different. It's like you're always mad." She bows her head and tried to fix her camera._

"_Maybe I just don't want to be bullied anymore." He replies in a tone of frustration._

"_Ano, even if you're bullied, I will always stand by you." She assures him_

"_Maybe this time around I'll be the one to stand by you."_

"_You always have. You're like my best friend." She smiled the sweetest._

A knock on his door snapped him out of his reminiscing. His otouto was asking if he was riding with the family to the event. He simply shook his head, bowed his head and sighed before explaining that he would bring his own car. That they should go ahead because he was still waiting for someone. His otouto closed the door to his room. He paced the floor with his hands in the pocket of his black pants, was when he noticed he had no socks on. He made his way to the dresser, took out a pair of sock and started to put them on. But even that little act of daily living brought back memories.

"_Kaidoh-kun." She called to him in the hallway._

"_Kaidoh-kun? Why the sudden change in name calling?" he asked surprised at the more formal address of his long-time friend._

"_I figured, since you were projecting a tougher image, maybe it'll be improper for me to call you by your name."_

"_Nande?"_

"_Because people might think you're not so though, having a girl call you by your first name." she shyly explained._

"_Demo, you're my friend since we were kids." He hesitated._

"_It's okay." She moves a little closer to his ears, "Even only in school, ne, Kaoru-kun?" she whispers, winks and smiles before handing him a small paper bag and turns to walk away._

"_What's this?"_

"_Tanjoubi omedetou." She replies as she looks back with a smile before walking away in the crowd of middle schoolers walking the hallway._

"_Arigato." He shouts to make sure she hears him in the deafening voices of student flocking in the hallway. He peaks inside to see her gift, "Socks?" and find a note. __**'Kaoru-kun, so you know that I fully support your tennis. Use this in your next match, ne?'**_

He slowly walks out of his room, finally getting the courage to go down the stairs and wear those shiny black shoes that his mother shone for him. He sits at the foot of the stair trying to fit his feet into the slim form of the shoes. He was not really a fan of black shoes, he preferred sneakers, or cross trainers, just anything more comfortable that black leather shoes. He reaches for his car keys and remembers the neatly wrapped package that he got from the department store yesterday for this occasion. He holds the package in his hands just before stepping out the door, but for some reason, he froze, and his memories floated somewhere, somewhere he was happier.

"_You're always arguing with Momoshiro-kun."_

"_I'm just really pissed with that guy." He hissed._

"_But you care for him, right? I mean, he's your team mate." She looks at him with concerned eyes._

"_Nani? I wouldn't even care if he turned over and get ran off by something." He defended._

_She chuckled, "Kaoru-kun, I know that's a lie. I know you remember." She teased._

"_Iiyo…I do care about that stupid moron. Sometimes he's too reckless in practice, he'll never make it to regular if he goes that way." He admits, although he would deny he said that even if he had to say it in court._

"_I knew you did. Momoshiro-kun is actually very nice." She defended._

"_Nani? Nice?" he replied with wide eyes._

"_He is my classmate, and he seems very friendly."_

"_Is he hitting on you? Because if he is…" he furiously started but she cut him off at mid-sentence._

"_Iie. He's just really nice. To everyone." She calmly explained._

"_You tell me if the peach head gives you any trouble okay?"_

"_Iiyo. But I doubt that he will." She smiles, "Ne, Kaoru-kun, the time we spend walking home together get rarer and rarer. Maybe time will come we won't get to see each other anymore. Let's still be friends okay?"_

"_Of course."_

He manages to get the courage to step outside, to get in his silver sports car, to place the neatly wrapped package in the passenger seat. He knew he needed to make one stop before he goes to that event. One last attempt to recollect himself before he faces the truth. He inserts the key and turns the ignition, but he had a very hard time stepping on the accelerator, or shifting the gear to move forward. He could clearly remember the day he bought that car.

"_Wow! Kaoru-kun, that's a really nice car!" she beamed with joy._

"_I wanted you to be the first to see it after I bought it. You were the one who always believed that I could make it this far, and I wanted to thank you by being the first to show my brand new baby over here." He happily explains why patting the hood of his silver sports car._

"_It's lovely Kaoru-kun. It kind of reminds me of him." She smiles while staring at the car._

"_Nani?" his smile was wiped off from his face, but he manages to put it back before saying anything more. "Oh, yes, the colour is kind of a giveaway, ain't it?" he chuckles._

_She starts to laugh, a very contagious laughter that he couldn't help himself but join in._

After sighing for the how many times he manages to shift the gear and move on, on to that one stop that he knew he had to go before he faced the painful truth. On his path he looks at the side walk as the stop light turned red. There were a few middle schoolers walking their way home, it was Saturday after all, and they were needed to report to school for only half a day. Once again his memories defeat him back to the pain in his chest.

"_Kaoru-kun." She silently calls him as they were walking home from school._

"_Hai?"_

"_Arigato for protecting me." She says with a smile._

"_Protecting you?"_

"_Well, at first you thought he was stalking me, that's why you made sure to always walk me home. Then we found out that he was actually not stalking me, that he actually did like me. And yet you still watch out after me. Especially when he can't be there to do it. Arigato for being such a good friend." She explained with eyes so bright and the sweetest smile he had ever seen._

"_Don't mention it. We've been friends and neighbours since we were kids; it's actually nothing, sort of a reflex for me." He humbly replies a tint of pink in his cheeks._

He gets back to reality by the horn of the car behind him, the street light were green and he was causing a pile up of cars behind him because if his thoughts. So he quickly shifted gear and went on his journey. But it seemed that anywhere he looked there were memories flooding in. why wouldn't it be the case, they grew up in this neighbourhood together. They played in the playground in the park, they ate in that fast food by the corner, they watched as the cherry blossoms turned pink in spring, and they walked that path every day to school since they were young, until he came along. Then he started to walk those streets alone. But he never regretted it, because he knew she was happy. Finally he arrives. He turned to get in the gates of that one place he will always remember, the one place that always cleared up his mind when he had problems.

"_Oi, Kaidoh!" she shouts right before he steps into the coaster._

"_Huh?"_

"_Kaidoh…" she pants before continuing to speak, obviously she'd been running a while, "Kaoru-kun, good luck in the National Championship. Gomen I can't come with you guys. I was really hoping to watch you in the championship." She pants again._

"_It's okay Aiko, you've been with us every step of the way." He nods back at her._

"_He'll be there though." She blurts out as he was stepping in the coaster._

"_Nani?"_

"_He'll be there; he said their team will be coming to watch you. You know ever if you are rival schools, they do really wish you well. And I asked him to take picture for me." She smiled, "Anyway, good luck ne?" she turns to the others who were already in the coaster, "Ganbatte mina!" she screams with a smile._

He parks his car, and thinks a few more times before stepping out. He walked the path they use to, just as the cherry blossoms were falling from the trees. He closes his eyes and inhaled deeply, but continuous to walk. He entered the main entrance of that happy place, to the place where they would change their shoes before going on to their rooms. He ran his fingers through the cabinet, until he reached the boxed corner where he used to place his school shoes.

"_Kaoru-kun." She calls to him from behind._

"_Aiko-chan, ohayou." He replies as he was changing his shoes._

"_Ohayou, omedetou Kaoru-kun, for being the buchou. We're really happy for you." She handed him a present._

"_What's this?"_

"_Something from both of us, he didn't become buchou, but he's really happy that you did." She smiled_

"_Arigato gozaimasu." He bowed._

"_I'll see you in class, ne?" she waved before running away._

He continued his walk in the hallowed halls, it seemed so lonely when no one was around, finally he made it to their class room, the room where he spent one of the best year of his life in, with her. He opens the door, looks around the neatly arranged tables and chairs. He sat in the seat he had back then, back in his senior year of junior high. He turns to the seat next to him, that was where she sat, at least for that year, for one whole year, he had the pleasure of seeing her beside him, every single day.

"_Kaoru-kun, did you get the list I sent you?" she asked in a whisper as their instructor was writing something on the board._

"_We shouldn't be talking in class." He whispers back._

"_But I really need your help."_

"_We'll talk about it later, on the walk home, iiyo? He won't be walking you home today right?" he asks like a regular conversation._

"_Iie, he has extended practice today, for the game tomorrow." She whispers._

"_Kaidoh, Kentaro, do you both want detention? Stop talking!" their instructor shouted her back still turned._

"_H-Hai!" they both replied before burying their heads to their notes, giving each other a look and a smile._

He couldn't help but smile at the thought; he tapped his fingers on the table and slouched in his seat. He throws his head backwards to look at the ceiling and sighs with a smile. They were never in the same class since they were young, only that once, that faithful senior year of junior high, that he was graced by her presence in the same classroom. He tapped his foot a few times before standing and walking out the room. He walked around some more before heading out the door to the field. He walked and walked until he reached that happiest place in the world.

He stood outside the tennis courts and remembers how they use to runs laps around it, how Tezuka-buchou would make him and Momoshiro run extra laps for fighting in the court. How Inui-senpai always had weird looking and awfully tasting juices waiting for them at the end of the sprint. He remembers the ichnen trio who were very fearful on him, but turned out to be excellent regulars in their junior year. He remembers how Fuji-senpai and Echizen battled out in the rain. How Kawamura-senpai's balls would always make weird indentations of the wires around the court because of his power. How Eiji-senpai and Oishi-senpai made him and Echizen play doubles because they were having a fist. He remembers the countless advice that Ryuzaki-sensei gave them, especially the year when he was the buchou of the team. He remembers how Arai fell on his knees on the court crying the day he became a regular. He remember Tomoka and Sakuno cheering for them in the sideline. He remembers Tezuka-buchou talking to him, entrusting the club to him, having one last match with him before he left for high school. He remembered all the hard work, the pain, the failures, the victories, the joys, the laughter, the tears. But he remember most, the girl with the camera, the childhood friend who always stood there, taking pictures of them for the school paper.

"_Buchou!" someone called him as he was standing in the middle of the court with his head lifted up to the sky._

"_Aiko-chan?"_

"_What are you doing Kaidoh-buchou?" she teased._

"_Thinking." He lifts his head back and closed his eyes._

"_We're graduation tomorrow." She stated happily._

"_I know." He exhales._

"_You will always have tennis."_

"_I know." He repeats._

"_You're kohais love and respect you. You were a good buchou Kaoru-kun." She assured him._

"_Not as good as Tezuka-buchou." He exasperates._

"_Iie. Better than Tezuka-senpai." She smiles._

"_You're just saying that because you're my friend." He answers turning his back to her._

"_Even Momo-chan said so." She offered him._

"_Fsssh. That fool would never say anything like that." He hissed._

"_That 'fool' had the best year of his life being your fuku buchou you know. He never showed it, but often talked about it when we talk." She assured him._

"_Fsssh." He replied._

"_He's here to greet you as well."_

"_Nani?" he turned to see past her, a tall silver haired boy was waving at him from outside the court._

"_He understands how special you are to me, that you're my best friend. So he's really making an effort to get to know you. Maybe in high school, when you're no longer rivals?" she hopefully replies._

"_I'm not giving up tennis." He hissed._

"_I know. Neither is he. But he'll be concentrating on his music when he gets to high school." She smiled back at the tall boy outside the court._

"_And you?" he asked her in a gentler tone._

"_I'll be concentrating on my art." She answered happily._

"_I know that's why you're going to transfer school." He frustratedly replied._

"_But you're still attending Seigaku right?" she questioned._

"_Hai."_

"_He'll still be going to Hyotei, so maybe your guys will still see each other in the high school tennis arena. And we'll still be neighbours; I guess we'll still see each other." She comforted._

I tear fell from his eyes, but he was quick to wipe it away. He couldn't believe he was crying over a simple thing. He turned a few times and took a mental picture of everything around him. He wanted to remember the moment. The wind was blowing a lovely spring breeze and few cherry blossoms were scattered in the court. He walked back the path to get to his car. He turned the radio on and a familiar song came up just as he was driving out the gates of his old middle school. He remembers that song, the melody, the moment.

"_Have you heard?" she asked as she sips from her tea cup._

"_Heard of what?" he asks as he was writing on his notes._

"_Shishido-san and his sister got together." She revealed the news, "I was actually surprised, I didn't expect it because Cheiko-san was older that Shishido-san by about 3 ½ years. But I guess that's love, ne, Kaoru-kun?"_

"_I guess." He answered quite indifferently as he continued to scribble on his notes._

"_I love Sunday afternoon tea with you." She said making him stop with what he was doing._

"_So do I. Is he okay with this?" he asked._

"_It was actually his idea. He said I should spend time with you, being that you are a best friend to me." She explained._

"_I see."_

"_How about your girl? Is she okay with you spending time with me on Sunday afternoons?" she inquired._

"_My girl? I don't have a girlfriend Aiko-chan." He replies._

"_Hontouni? You haven't told her anything yet?" she asked in a surprised manner._

"_Who?"_

"_Yumi-chan, I thought you were really getting along well."_

He smiled a little at the thought, never did he see Yumi-chan as more than a friend, but everyone around him thought differently. As he passes the intersection an accident was there, and the ambulance was taking a woman away in a stretcher. He slowed down a bit because of the traffic, but he couldn't get his eyes off the woman in the stretcher. It was three years ago.

"_Aiko-chan, what's wrong?" she asked as she sees her running out of the house with tears on her cheeks._

"_Kaoru-kun, it's Cheiko-oneechan." She pants tears flowing down her cheeks._

"_What happened?"_

"_She was involved in a car accident. I need to go to the hospital, Tarou is there with his family and Shishido-san." She replied as she was about to run to her car._

"_Iie! Let me take you, you shouldn't be driving in this condition." He offered and quickly ran to get the keys to his car._

_By the time they got to the hospital there was screaming and crying everywhere. Shishido was punching the wall repeatedly. The victim's parents were hugging each other. And Aiko ran to embrace her man who was sitting in a corner crying repeatedly whispering "Neechan."_

He was brought back to reality by the tapping of a police officer on his window signalling him to move forward because he was causing a traffic jam as he stopped there staring at the woman in the stretcher. He apologized and started moving along. He could feel his cheeks warming up with the tears running down. He quickly wiped them off until he reached the event place. He parked his car. He saw them, his former team mates getting of their cars and walking to the event place, everyone was well dressed. He thought he would wait a few more moments, he looked at the time, and he was still early after all. He sat in his car staring at his windshield, thinking if he should get out.

"_You seem particularly happy today." He teased as they were in line for coffee._

"_I am actually." She replied playing with something on her finger._

"_So what are you up to? Any new gallery shows?" he inquired._

"_Planning actually."_

"_Hontouni? Where do plan to do the next show?" he asked not really noticing the reflexing action of his child hood friend playing with something on her finger._

"_Not a show."_

"_Nani? If not a show what is it?" he asked before placing their order._

"_Something special." She replied happily as they stepped out of line to wait for their coffee order._

"_Hmn. Judging by the look in your face, this involves your boyfriend." He concluded as they took their coffee order and sat by a window._

"_Actually it's all about him." She replies with wide grin._

"_Something special for Christmas?" he throws off as a guess._

"_You truly are clueless aren't you Kaoru-kun?" she teased._

"_Clueless?" he almost choked on his coffee._

"_We've been together for a while now, and you still haven't noticed my new found habit." She said rolling her eyes._

"_Habit? What habit?" he replies._

"_This habit." She showed him, still playing with the ring in her finger. "He proposed." She squealed happily._

That was the first time he felt a strange pinch in his chest. All those years he never really understood what she meant to him. He knew she was special, but he always figures because she was his best friend. But only then, at the sight of the sparkling diamond ring, that he realized what he truly felt for her, was more than friendship. He almost jump off his seat by someone calling him 'Mamushi' and knocking on his window. It was his old rival/fuku buchou dressed in a blue tux.

He steps out of the car and walks a few steps behind his old rival, which was something rare, because as everyone knew they always compete, even if it was just walking towards somewhere, he would never permit him to get there first. But today he didn't really mind, he was not a fighting mood. After all today may be the biggest lost he would ever encounter in life.

He entered the doors of a small white chapel, the place was streaming with lovely white and blue flowers tied in silver ribbons. Everyone was dressed nicely. He sat quietly beside his otouto, in an aisle chair reserved specially for him. Then the music started to play, and the groom started to walk down the aisle in his white tux he looked quite good he admitted. As the groom made his way and stood at the altar, the rest of the entourage came, he watched carefully as each one of them stepped forward. He was actually asked to be part of it, but he refused, explaining that he might trip in the aisle or something and spoil the whole event. It was trivial, but somehow she understood that he was not up to it, thus his spiky haired, purple eyed rival was asked, to which we accepted. He wanted to puke as he watched the spiky haired guy walking down the aisle with Fudomine's former buchou's imouto in his arms. But he was stopped, because right as they passed by the music changed and there stood at the door of the church the most beautiful bride he had ever seen, and he was standing there waiting for her to walk down that aisle. Only, he was not at the altar, someone else was.

"_Ne, Kaoru-kun, when do you want to get married?" a young pig-tailed black-haired girl asked him as they lay looking at the sky when they were about in third grade or so._

"_Married? We're too young to think about that." He replied._

"_I want to be married in Springtime." She responded._

"_Spring time? Nande?" he replied not moving an inch from lying beside her in the grass._

"_Because spring is beautiful, it's a start, a new beginning. And it would be lovely to start a journey in spring. Don't you think so?" she turns her head towards him._

"_I guess so. But I think I'd want to be married in winter." He argued._

"_Winter? Nande?"_

"_Because it's cold. And that means I'll be spending the first few months with my wife holding her, keeping her warm in the cold weather. Then, we'll spend our first Spring together with the memory of how I held her warm in winter." He replied and turned his head towards her._

"_That's sweet." She replied with a smile._

"_But that's just a dream for now." He turns his head back to look at the sky._

"_Ne, Kaoru-kun, I want to be there to see you on your wedding day."_

"_And I'll be there on yours as well." He promised._

He smiled genuinely for the first time that day as he watched her walk pass-by smiling at him before heading to the arms of the man standing in the altar. He watched carefully, every movement. He listened to every word spoken as they exchanged their vows. He sat there with his heart aching, but his lips smiling. When they finally kissed, a tear fell from his eyes. But he was not alone, almost the whole chapel was moved at how beautiful the exchange of vows were. As the newly wed walked down the aisle to exit the chapel he moved to watch them closely. He stood there at the door of the chapel as everyone else walked to their cars to go to the reception site. He watched the newly wed kiss one more time before getting into the bridal car. And he saw her turn her head towards him and mouth out ' Arigato', he simply nodded and smiled.

At the reception, he sat with his former team mates, they were chatting happily. His former buchou was with his wife who was pregnant; their former fuku-buchou who was also a newlywed was with his beautiful wife; the smiling tensai was also with his fiancée; the burning sushi-man was with his wife and first born; his spiky haired rival was dancing with Tachibana's imouto; Echizen was blushing as Tomoka teased how lovely he and Sakuno looked together; and his co-bachelors Kikumaru and Inui seemed genuinely happy for the newly wed. Even their rival team who were seated on the other table looked very happy. Their conceited buchou looked proudly happy with his wife and twins; the blue-haired tensai looked smug holding her fiancée's hands; Shishido, who was the best man and was a wreck three years ago was now smiling happily; Akutagawa was already pass asleep in his chair; Mukahi was chomping on the dessert; even fellow-bachelor Hiyoshi and Kabaji were happily smiling. He told himself maybe he should smile too.

As the evening fell deeper and slowly everyone went away one by one, only a few of them remaining to witness one final dance the newlywed shared before leaving for their honeymoon. He stood there in a corner, holding a champagne glass in his hand staring at the beautiful bride, dancing with his beloved groom. But as he watched them, a pair of purple eyes watched him. Until warm hands patted his shoulder.

"Ne, Kaidoh, I've watched you since we were in Middle School." The spiky haired-rival said.

"That's just creepy. Does Ann-chan know you've been doing that?" he hissed.

"Stop with the tough guy act already Mamushi. I know." The purple eyed man argued.

"Know what?" he hissed.

"You like her since you were young didn't you? You never really figured it out until she found Ootori-kun, then you started to feel jealous, and started to question what you really felt about her." He elaborated.

"What makes you say that?" he retaliated still not putting his guard down.

"You were always protective of her, especially with boys hovering around her, especially with me."

"Because you're creepy." He hissed.

"Oi Kaidoh, tell me one thing. Do you love her?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"You have that look in your eyes."

"What look?"

The spiky haired boy, no, man, looks at his not-so-friend, not-so-enemy and smirks. "Okay, let's change the question. Did you love her?"

"Few things I know Momoshiro."

"What's that?"

"I loved her enough to let her go. I loved her enough to help her find that someone who made her the happiest woman I ever knew. I loved her enough to help her find her true love."

His purple eyed team mate pats his shoulder as they turn around to leave the reception. Maybe it was too late, maybe it was never meant to be. But until he figures out which, he will always have that look in his eyes.

**-oOo-**

**I got all teary eyed writing this, hope you guys like it.**


	5. Fuji's Silent Cry

**SOMETHING I'LL NEVER KNOW SERIES: Fuji's Silent Cry**

**DISCLAIMER: PoT if not mine**

**-oOo-**

He was the tensai, the one who no one could gather data correctly. He was the player who never stopped evolving. He was the one with the constant smile on his face. The one who only showed his cerulean blue eyes when he was interested in a match, or when he was mad. However, there was one person who stared into those eyes without him complaining about it, because he himself loved to stare back.

He was not blind, nor was mane; he felt every pain that the people around him were feeling. Somehow, he could relate to them, he remained a silent witness to all their pain and suffering. He was the one who stood strong for so many people, without them knowing that he himself was hurting. That was his character, he never took revenge for anything that happened to him; but he would set hell break loose when the people he loved got hurt. He loved that way.

People often see him as a sadist, someone who found it exhilarating to push his opponents to their limits, someone who laughed off when people suffer. But truth was, he was not. Maybe it was his defence mechanism, a mask if you would call it, so people would not see who he really was. Maybe they wanted them to search deeply, before he would show his true self.

His neesan knew him well, maybe she was the only person who truly knew who he was; well, maybe one other person, but he would never say anything to anyone so it was alright with him. He was more comfortable that way. Even Yuuta, his beloved otouto knew not who he really was, or what he could do, the sacrifices he was willing to make.

"_Moshi-moshi, Shishido? Hai, Fuji desu. Hai. About the wedding coverage, hai, I have a few questions regarding the setting of the venue."_

He sometimes walks pass the grass park where he often sees Shishido come to visit and wish to himself that he was the one in Shishido's shoes. It would have been easier for him. Maybe if he were, people would stop seeing him as a sadist.

"_Nani? How's Shishido?"_

"_He's devastated of course."_

"_And Ootori?"_

"_Hasn't said a word since the accident."_

"_When's the funeral?"_

"_In two days, are you coming with us Fuji?"_

"_Of course, of course I will."_

Sometimes, he would question himself, if he was indeed in Shishido's shoes, could he survive? He saw how devastated Shishido was. He even kept the pre-nuptial pictures he took to himself until after a year had passed after Cheiko died. But, if it were him, would he have moved on like Shishido has? Well, Shishido did have Choutarou to help him through the grief. He was sure someone would be there for him, but still, he believed it would have been easier had he been in Shishido's shoes instead of his own.

"_Eiji."_

"_Nande Fuji?"_

"_You've been crying haven't you?"_

"_H-How did you know?"_

"_Your eyes, they're different with grief."_

"_I've been trying hard to hide that Fuji, even if I am a good actor, I guess I can't hide it from my friends can I?"_

"_Only Oishi knows right?"_

"_And you I suppose."_

"_You've been this way since our last get together at Taka-san's, is this about Akiyama-kun?"_

"_I guess I can't deny it when it's Fuji who's asking."_

What if he was in Eiji's shoes instead; what would he have done? Maybe he wouldn't be the sadist anymore, because he'd be the murderer. Had it been him, it wouldn't be Akiyama-kun who was dead. He would have probably murdered Chiyo before he could even lay a hand on Akiyama.

He breathe in deeply and grabbed his camera from his desk, he had to charge the battery, he was going to the hospital today after all, he received a call from his former buchou and best friend that his wife had been admitted to the hospital and was in labor. He managed a small smile before reverting back to his thinking.

"_Are you letting her go that easy Tezuka?"_

"_Fuji."_

"_Aren't you going to fight for her Tezuka?"_

"_Of course I want to fight for her!"_

"_Then what are doing sitting there feeling sorry for your self? Go and get her!"_

Those were the days when he had wanted to smack his best friend in the head, for almost giving up on the girl he later married and now will have their first born with; he smirked at the thought, but also felt a pinch in his chest. He envied him secretly, finding a love so special it made oceans bring two very different worlds together. He wanted what he had, but he wanted it differently, perfectly. He wanted it so desperately that he had to put on a mask of a smile on his face in public but could never do when he was alone.

"_Where's Mukahi-san?"_

"_Well, we haven't been able to contact him Fuji."_

"_Why?"_

"_Oshitari, have you tried calling Gakuto again? We invited Seigaku for this reunion game and the Hyotei people aren't complete."_

"_I've tried a million times Atobe, no sign of Gakuto anywhere."_

"_Is something wrong?"  
_

"_Maybe he eloped with the girl he had a date with the other day."_

"_Oh, Mukahi had a date? Does that mean he has a girlfriend?"  
_

"_We hope so Fuji, he's been the least bit interested with women amongst us."_

"_Yeah, we sort of thought he was gay or something."_

"_I'm pretty sure he's not. I hope it works out well."_

Maybe he wished he were in Mukahi's shoes as well. It definitely hurt, finding out that the girl you loved was pregnant and the child was not yours. Or maybe just the thought the she never did love you in the first place. It was easier that way. Expecting but at the same time knowing that what you expect would never happen.

"_Oh really? Congratulations Ootori-kun! I'd love to be the photographer in your wedding. Hai, of course, of course. Iie, don't say that, it's not a bother. I'm happy for you, hai, just send me the details iiyo? Hai. Give my congratulations to Aiko-chan won't you. Hai, Arigato gozaimasu Ootori-kun. Bye-bye"_

He loved weddings, he loved to cherish every moment. Weddings were definitely his favourite event to cover. Especially if it was, a friend's wedding. He never did cry at weddings, he enjoyed them. He would imagine his own wedding sometimes, but of course, that was just his imagination. Only his imagination.

He goes to his room, takes a shower and dresses up to leave for the hospital. He grabs his camera if only to give him a reason to be distracted from thinking. But of course, his thought would always find their way into his brain. He drives, and drives like he was flying, sometimes he wish he were, like a bird freely flying. Migrating when winter comes and returning in the spring. But he wasn't, he was human, and whether he wanted to accept it not, he was grounded.

His memories brings him back to his Middle School years, those were happier times. He wishes he could relieve those years. But those are years that he could never have back, those were years that will only come alive in his memories. And there were times that he lived in them, he lived in those memories because that was all he had, his memories.

"_Kaidoh, do you love her?"_

"_Fuji-senpai."_

"_You should have said something to her Kaidoh."_

"_How could I, she only saw me as a friend?"_

"_Maybe that wouldn't be the case if you had said something earlier."_

"_Demo, senpai, she's seen me as such for so many years."_

"_Whoever told you that could never change? Demo, it's too late to say anything now. She's happy being with him."_

"_I know."_

"_All you can do is to be happy for her. So be happy for her Kaidoh, because you are her friend, be happy for her."_

He was great at giving advice, he gave advice to everyone who would ask for one. But even if he did say those words to Kaidoh, secretly he wished he were Kaidoh, being left in the friend zone like that. At least he'd know that was all he will ever be, a friend, nothing more, nothing less.

He arrives at the hospital and parks his car, but he couldn't bring himself to get out of the car. He just froze there, his hands on the steering wheel. He's memories betray him once again.

"_Oh, gomen."_

"_Iie, gomen, it was my fault I was not looking."_

"_IIe, it was mine. Wait, you're Fuji Syuusuke aren't you?"_

"_Ah, Hai. How do you know me?"_

"_Oh, I use to watch your games back in Middle School."_

"_Hontouni?"_

"_Hai, I use to go to Fudoumine Middle School."_

"_You were in the girls tennis club?"_

"_Oh, iie, my bestfriend Ann was."_

"_Oh, Tachibana's imouto?"_

"_Hai. I was actually a year older than Ann, but she was a really nice girl so we rather hit it off from the start. That's why I got interested in tennis. You're a really good player."_

"_Arigato. So you mean we were in the same year when you started to watch the games?"_

"_Hai, we were both seniors then, but well I was not always watching just when I had extra time so you may not remember seeing me back then."_

"_But I see you now."_

"_Of course, hai, you're funny."_

"_Oh, how rude of me, your name is?"_

"_Oh, hai, I forgot to introduce myself, Itsutshi Hatsu desu."_

"_Pleasure to meet you Itsutshi-san."_

"_You can call me Hatsu."_

"_And you can call me Syuusuke."_

Somehow, he hated going back to the University he went to. Sure, he had good memories there, but his most beautiful memory had become his worst as well. He grabs his camera and grips it tightly in his hands. His phone beeps and he reads a message from Tezuka, his wife had been brought into the delivery room.

"_Hatsu-kun, do you have a duty on Friday night?"_

"_Actually I do Syuusuke, nande?"_

"_I was hoping we could have dinner together."_

"_Oh, gomen ne."_

"_Maybe I'll just bring you dinner in the hospital then. What time do you go on break?"_

"_Well, technically I can go on break when I finish everything I have to do. You know, patient's meds, charting, stuffs like that."_

"_Must be difficult being a nurse."_

"_Well, it's my passion, so."_

"_I guess between us I choose the easier career huh?"_

"_But I love you just the same Syuusuke."_

"_Iie. I love you more."_

He manages to get out of his car, he inhales deeply and paints a smile on his face. He mustered enough courage to walk towards the building he once visited on a regular basis. Truthfully, there was a time in his life when the hospital was his happiest place. Once in his life he wanted to be a patient forever, so he could spend more time with her. But now, now, this place may as well be his least liked place.

"_Syuusuke, please don't be mad."_

"_Why didn't you consult me about this before?"  
_

"_I didn't know if you'd agree."  
_

"_And you think this is easier for me?"_

"_An opportunity presented itself, and you know that now that my dad is gone I have to support my imouto and otouto who are still studying."_

"_So you're really leaving?"_

"_It's just for two years."  
_

"_But two years is so long."_

"_It'll come by fast. We'll manage Syuu."_

Whoever said long distance relationships worked was crazy, at least that's what he thought now, because during those times, he believed otherwise. What did go wrong? Was it his fault? He kept believing it was him who fell short of her expectations. He never wanted to hurt her, so he did give all his best, but maybe his best was not good enough to keep the flame burning.

"_You've been sending e-mails less and less, I know you're tired and busy. I just wish you'd communicate more often."_

"_You didn't have to call me Syuu."  
_

"_I wanted to hear my Hatsu's voice, is that bad?"_

"_It's expensive to call me Syuu. I'll be the one to call you when I get my salary iiyo?"_

"_Iie, I'm the man so even if I spend a fortune calling you overseas I'll do it."_

"_Oh, the doctor's here, he's going to go on rounds so I'm gonna have to go now."_

"_IIyo, I love you."_

"_Iiyo, bye."_

He should have seen the signs, he was a tensai after all. Maybe he did, maybe he just choose to ignore them. Maybe he blinded himself from the fact that she was slipping away, or maybe he just loved her too much to think oddly that she would do something like that.

He manages to get himself to enter the hospital lobby and heads straight to the OB waiting area. He greets his best friend who looked horribly worried for his wife. He sits beside him and tries his best to comfort him, but secretly he wished he was Tezuka; sitting in that waiting room, worrying and praying that his wife would deliver safely to their first born. He wishes he was him, and he wished Tezuka were in his place, being the supportive best friend and soon to be godfather of the child. He observes the waiting room, filled with expectant fathers all pacing the floor, sitting with their hand clasp together, waiting for any news about their wives. But he wasn't, he was merely the friend of an expectant father.

"_Why do you always get angry when I call you?"_

"_Because it's expensive Syuu."_

"_I already told you I don't mind spending just to call you."_

"_Who are you talking to?" a male voice was heard over the line._

"_No one, just an old friend, excuse me a minute." She replied._

"_Who was that?"_

"_Syuu, I'm sorry."_

"_What do you mean you're sorry? Who was that in the background?"_

"_My fiancé."_

"_You're what?"_

"_I found someone here Syuu. And he's asked me to marry him, and I said 'yes'. I wanted to tell you months ago, but I just couldn't find the right words."_

"_How about, 'Hey I found someone else so let's break up.' That would have been easy?"_

"_I know you're mad Syuu."_

"_Forget it, just forget it, forget me, forget we ever met. Go and marry that guy, whoever he is!"_

The doctor enters the waiting room and calls Tezuka, he delivers the good news that both mother and child are doing exceptionally well. Tezuka walks over to him with a smile on his face, obviously excited to see his first-born. And he was genuinely happy for his best friend. How could he not? That child was to be his godchild. It was just the place they were in brought back to many memories he preferred not to remember, but just couldn't forget.

The neonatal unit nurse calls Tezuka to inform him that he could come see his child now. He stands up and walk with his best friend to the viewing area, Tezuka's wife hasn't come out of the Post-Anaesthesia Unit yet so they had to wait outside. We walked closer to the viewing area and there lying on a basinet, peacefully staring nowhere in particular, moving his little hands, fringing his tiny body, making adorable facial expressions, was his best friend's first born.

"He has your eyes Tezuka."

"Aa."

"Omedetou Tezuka."

"Arigato Fuji."

"You know Tezuka, sometimes I think, I wish I would just die."

"Fuji, don't say that."

"Gomen, probably not the right time to rant. You're probably the happiest man I know right now."

"I understand Fuji, no need to apologize."

He stares at the little bundle of joy in the basinet and looked at his best friend standing beside him and back to the angel in the basinet.

"Sometimes, I wish I would just die, so I can be born again. Then maybe, in that lifetime I'd be happier. Maybe in another lifetime I would hold her in my arms. In that lifetime, I'll never let her go. I'd never let her stray far away from me. And if she'd leave me again, then, I'd wish to die again, so I can be born again, so I can hold her once again, and fight for her again. Until a lifetime when I can just love her, and never have to wish to die, just to be reborn and love her all over again."

"Fuji."

"Maybe in a different lifetime she'd choose me over him."

"You deserve to be happy Fuji. She made her choice. There is someone out there who will love you as much as you love her Fuji."

"Sou dane."

"Give yourself a chance to be happy again Fuji."

"He's beautiful Tezuka. You have a beautiful son."

For now, maybe, until someone can heal his broken heart; for now, in this lifetime, he'll just love her, even if.

**-oOo-**

**Personally I don't believe in reincarnation, but I just felt that Fuji would say something like that had this been a true story. Thanks for reading minna!**


	6. Wakashi's Most Painful Defeat

**SOMETHING I'LL NEVER KNOW SERIES: Wakashi's Most Painful Defeat**

**DISCLAIMER: Standard disclaimer applies folks.**

**So I noticed that out of the five chapters 3 were from Seigaku, so I decided this next one would be from Hyotei.**

**-oOo-**

Hiyoshi Wakashi was unmovable. The only place he wanted to move to was up, meaning above everyone else. He kept a good distance from everyone else, he projected that he was strong, that he was brave, that he can survive anything. But behind that macho façade he projected was a caring, gentle spirit; and no one knew it was there, no one ever thought it ever existed.

He woke up that morning with a chill running though his spine, he realized he forgot to put on a shirt before going to bed the night before. He quickly wraps himself with his blanket, winter was his least favourite season, he hated the cold, he hated the snow, he hated the gloomy atmosphere that winter brought with it. He hated the fact that winter always takes away everything he found beautiful, everything he found pleasure in. He hated winter, because if he could, he'd give his very life just so the seasons would skip winter. He hated winter so much he even thought of moving to a tropical country, where there was no winter. He hated winter so much it makes him hate waking up today.

His phone rings, without picking it up he knew who it was.

"Ootori-kun I'm up, I'm up…Hai, hai, I'm getting up now. Hai. I'll see you at lunch."

He clicks the end button and buries his face on his pillow. He appreciated his best friend, it's just that sometimes, he wishes he'd just leave him alone. After all, didn't he have a wife now? And, wasn't she pregnant? How on earth did he still have time to worry about him? He rubs his nape and thinks twice if he should get up or not. Then the phone rings again.

"Ootori-kun, I'm getting up, I promise!" he frustratedly says without even checking if it was Choutarou who was calling him, he was pretty sure it was him.

He turns over and untangles himself from the blanket, rushes to the bathroom, which reminds him; again, of another reason why he hated winter, the water was too cold to take a bath. He turns the heater on, and takes a quick shower. He makes a cold dance after the shower and grabs his tower. He was not quick enough to get dress. So again, he said to himself, "I hate winter."

He grabs his coat, his bag, his car keys, when something cold touched his hands followed by a whining sound.

"Oh, I almost forgot about you boy." He pats his dog before grabbing his food tray and filling it up, "Nii-san will drop by at lunch to feed you okay?", he talks to his dog before heading out the door.

As he steps outside a cold breeze blow, he tugs on his jacket and walks to his car, he was too busy picking his car key from his pocket that he didn't notice the icy pavement and slipped. He pushes himself up, grabs his bag and irritantly makes his way to his car, and again he whispers, "I hate winter!"

He finally makes It to his car and starts the engine, then his phone rings again.

"Ootori! I'm in the car, I'm leaving for work already, stop calling me…Oh, ano, Okaa-san? Hai, gomen, Ootori-kun has been bugging me all morning again."

He bangs his head on the stirring wheel after ending the call, it was not a very nice thing to shout at his Okaa-san, he was going to make sure his best friend was going to pay for this. He finally gets out of the driveway, thank goodness, it was uneventful from his house to his work place. Until of course, something caught his eyes upon entering their office. There on the reception desk was a package, a winter breakfast special wrapped in a blue and brown paper bag, he knew that wrapping, it must have been bought from his Mukahi-senpai's sweets shop. He stares at the wrapping frozen from where he stood.

"_Did my breakfast arrive yet?" a female voice asked the receptionist._

"_Yes mam, here you go." The receptionist replied with a smile._

"_Ohayou Wakashi-kun." The girl greeted him as she held that paper bag walking back to her office._

"_Ohayou Kyona-kun." He greeted back, watching her walk away._

He snaps back to the present when the receptionist called him out saying that he had a phone call just five minutes before he got in; he thanks the receptionist and makes his way to his office, the piece of paper with the name and number of the missed phone call. He never really took time to see who it was, _Later_, he thought. If he only took time to see who called, maybe this day would be different.

His day went on like usual, making and answering phone calls, reading and writing paper works, typing on the computer, moving around his small office. Until he feels exhausted and just sits in his chair, thinking, _I should have just continued the family dojo instead of being stuck in this office_.

Truthfully, even if he got irritated with the overly concerned cry-baby best friend of his, he still looked forward to lunch, because it was a short time that he could relieve the glory of middle school, the joy of playing tennis. He didn't get to play as often as he wished, except for weekend games with Ootori, that have become infrequent since his wife got pregnant; except for that, the only thing he would look forward too was the reunion games they had on a yearly basis, facing old rivals and crushing them.

His phone rings again, it was his best friend.

"Hiyoshi-kun, gomen, I won't make it for lunch. The snow is too thick on the road from my workplace to yours. Maybe dinner later with me and Aiko?" Choutarou apologetically said.

"It's okay, I'll just order in, it's too cold outside anyway." He replied before ending the call.

He exhales and looks at the list of food delivery services on his corkboard, and again he remembers another reason why he hated winter. "I really hate winter!"

He was waiting for lunch to arrive, making himself busy, when a female co-worker peeked from his door.

"Hiyoshi-san, you ordered in? You want to eat with us in the pantry?" she asked.

He loses himself for a moment, the vision of the petite woman always dressed in black or navy blue office casual came to his mind.

"_Wakashi-kun your designs are really amazing." she praised him._

"_I do what I can." He humbly replied._

"_My designs are nothing compared to yours. Yours are really beautiful; if I was to have my house built I'd choose you to design it." She added._

"_But your beautiful as well." He slipped._

"_E?"_

"_A-Ano, I meant, your designs are beautiful as well." He replied with a blush._

_She simply smiled, a tint of pink on her cheeks._

He unconsciously raised the angle of his lips, not realizing the female officemate was still waiting for his response.

"Hiyoshi-san?" she repeated.

"Huh?" he snaps back, "Oh, hai, hai, sure." He agrees.

His lunch was pointless to say, the least interesting, as he wanted it to be. All his officemates talked about was work, and he didn't want to talk about work over lunch. Choutarou usually talks to him about his wife's hormonal mood swings since she got pregnant, or how she would ask for the silliest things in the middle of the night driving Choutarou nuts trying to find this food or that fruit, which were so off-season. He pitied his best friend, but he admittedly enjoyed listening to the torture Aiko was putting his husband through.

"_Why do you look sick?" he asks his best friend._

"_I didn't sleep much last night." Choutarou reasoned out._

"_Nande?" he half-heartedly asks as he chews on his lunch._

"_Aiko wanted sushi at two in the morning." Choutarou exasperated._

"_Where did you get sushi at two in the morning?" he raised his eyebrows._

"_I didn't. By the time I got home, she was fast asleep." Choutarou helplessly admitted._

_Wakashi chuckled._

"_It's not funny Hiyoshi-kun." Choutarou almost dropping his face on the soup bowl in front of him._

"_It's your fault." He replies coldly._

"_Why is it my fault that she wanted sushi at two in the morning?" Choutarou asked._

"_You got her pregnant." Wakashi replied with a smirk._

He secretly envied his best friend, getting up in the middle of the night, driving around town trying to find what his pregnant wife wanted to eat. At least he had a wife and a baby on the way. All he had was a dog, a male dog at that. He rolled his eyes at the thought, then excused himself from the still chatting officemates. He walks back to the reception area.

The front door was closed, it was lunch break after all, so he stared out the glass panels watching the snow falling outside, he had to admit, despite hating winter so much, sometimes the falling snow amazes him.

"_Going home Wakashi-kun?" Kyona asked as he was about to exit the front door._

"_Hai." He politely nodded._

"_Be careful going home, the road is slippery because of the snow." She smiled as she grabbed her umbrella._

"_Kyona-kun, are you going home as well?" he shyly asks._

"_Hai." She smiled._

"_D-Did you bring a car with you to work today?" he stuttered._

"_Iie, the snow was too think in front of my garage, so I took a cab to work." She happily explained._

"_C-Can I—." he hesitated._

"_Sure." She replied, knowing what he meant._

"_A-And dinner?" he added._

"_Why not?" she gladly agreed._

Admittedly, there was one winter that he quite liked. Because that winter, he didn't feel the cold, nor did the snow seem so sad. It was one winter he understood the warmth of his heart beating not only for his own. That was one winter that he didn't mind showering in cold water just to get to work. It was one winter he didn't mind his best friend bailing on him during lunch because he had someone else he would rather spend lunch with. Unfortunately, it was just one winter.

"_A warm cup to tea in winter always makes my day." Kyona tells him as they finished having lunch._

"_Having tea with you in winter always makes my day." He shyly admits._

_She shyly smiles as a touch of pink makes it way to her cheeks._

But why life was so cold to him he didn't know, why he was lent something so special for a short a time he didn't understand. So his winters became colder each year, and each year it became harder for him to wake up each winter morning, and each year he hated winter more.

"_Does Shishido-senpai hate Summer?" he asks Choutarou._

"_I don't think so." Choutarou replied._

"_Do you hate summer?" he asks again._

"_Should I?" was the confused response._

"_I just thought, maybe you would hate Summer coming, since Cheiko-oneesan died in Summer." He reasoned out._

"_Hiyoshi-kun. I don't think the seasons are to be blamed for whatever happens in our lives." Choutarou explained._

He walks back to his office, returns to his papers, to his drawing board, to thinking and dreaming of a perfect house, or a perfect condominium unit for some more fortunate soul out there who had someone to share his life with. He'd never admit it, but he envied them.

"_Some people have all the fortune in the world." He complained as they watched the newly wed walk to the car._

"_Stop bickering Hiyoshi." Gakuto reprimanded._

"_You can't blame him, he just got left behind before he could even say something." Yuushi snapped Gakuto on the nape._

"_Oi Yuushi, who told you, you could do that?" Gakuto complained._

"_Ano senpai, I don't think that's a nice thing to say about Hiyoshi-kun." Choutarou defended._

"_Tezuka-san is so lucky." He mumbled as they too walked to their cars to go to the reception._

"_Anyone who has anyone would be very lucky Hiyoshi-kun." Choutarou tried to calm his best friend._

"_But Spring time seems so lucky for Tezuka-san, meeting her girlfriend in Spring, being separated then reunited with her in Spring, getting engage in Spring, and now, getting married in Spring." Hiyoshi mumbled._

"_Ano, I don't think Spring had anything to do with it, it just happened to be this season." Choutarou explained._

He packs up his things and gets ready to go home, finally the day was over; and he was really looking forward to having dinner with Choutarou and his wife. He was about ready to leave the office, when his phone beeped. He flips it open and read the message.

**From: Ootori Choutarou**

**Message:**

**Change of plans, meet me at Kawamura-san's Sushi Shop; the rest of the team will also be there, impromptu reunion dinner by Atobe-buchou.**

He closes his phone and makes his way to his car, when an officemate passed him by carrying a medium sized brown box with a lot of stuff in it. It was those kinds of boxes that they carry around when they were to be transferred to another office, somewhere in the country or overseas. He hated the fact that their office loved transferring people to other locations in the winter months.

"_Kyona-kun." His eyes widened as he walked to the door of their office seeing Kyona carrying a brown box with her things in it._

"_Gomennasai for not telling you earlier." She said sadly._

"_Are you being transferred?"_

"_Hai, to Tsukiji in Chou-ko." She replied._

"_Why so sudden?" he asked as he assisted her in carrying the brown box._

"_It's actually not sudden, I've been requesting this transfer for months, but it only got approved this winter." Kyona explained._

"_You specifically requested Tsukiji?" he asked rather intrigued, most interior designers in their office would request a warmer place for transfer, since their office did have a habit of transferring people during the winter months._

"_Hai. I didn't want a big weather change to adapt to." She explained as they neared her car._

"_Well, at least you'd still be in Tokyo, and you're about an hour or so away from Chiba." He tried to convince himself._

"_Yeah, yeah, that's right." She replied, the tone of her voice not really convincing._

He watches his officemate walk out of the front door with the brown box in hand. He sighs as he realizes just how long it's been since he last saw her. _Three years._ He thinks as he walks out the door and gets in his car. _How could three years go by so fast, without hearing anything from her? She was only at least an hour away, why did I never find the time to visit her._

He taps his fingers on the stirring wheel and thinks, _Maybe I should just go see her now?_ He quickly flips open his phone and type a message to his best friend saying he was driving to Tsukiji and was not going to make it to the reunion dinner. He started the engine and was about to pull out the office driveway when his phone rang.

"Hiyoshi-kun, why are you going to Tsukiji?" Choutarou's very worried voice rang in his ear.

"I want to see Kyona." He replied bluntly.

"Iie, don't go!" Choutarou almost screaming in his ears.

"Nande?"

"Because Oshitari-senpai needs to tell you something really important." Choutarou almost pleading. "Please, Hiyoshi-kun at least drop-by Kawamura-san's Sushi Shop before heading anywhere else."

"Iiyo." He ended the call.

It was normal for Choutarou to panic, over the smallest things really, but today's state of panic was just extreme. So despite he's longing to go and see his winter warmth, he decided to stop over the Sushi Shop first.

"Hiyoshi-kun sit." Choutarou almost pulling on his best friend's arm.

"I can't stay for long." He hesitated as he sat beside his best friend.

"Oshitari-senpai will be here any minute now." Choutarou almost not letting go of his arm.

"Hey, Hiyoshi, how's your dog?" Gakuto tried to make conversation with him.

"He's fine." He replied dryly, wondering why his senpai would suddenly ask him about his dog, when he knew for a fact he was not a dog person.

"How are you feeling?" Atobe asked next.

"A bit tired." He replied looking at his buchou.

"Gomen minna, the surgery took longer than I expected." Oshitari appeared, "Oh Hiyoshi, you're here." He said with a shocked look in his face.

"What was the important thing you had to say Oshitari-san?" Wakashi asked straight to the point.

Oshitari looked to each member of the Hyotei regulars, trying to find a way to make one of them say what he had to say. But each of them shook their heads leaving him no choice.

"Will you just say it Oshitari-san!" Hiyoshi getting inpatient.

"Do you remember Yagyuu-kun from Rikkai?" Oshitari began.

"Hai, he's a doctor too right?" Hiyoshi replied.

"Hai, hai, an Oncologist to be more specific, he specialized in treating Cancer patients." Oshitari paused, waiting for a reaction from the younger.

"And?" Hiyoshi waiting.

"Well, he called me up this afternoon and he, he asked me to give a message to you." Oshitari continued.

"And?" Hiyoshi getting more impatient.

"He practices in Tsukiji, and he came across someone, three years ago, someone you know." Oshitari paused again.

Hiyoshi remained silent, he couldn't explain it but his heart began to beat so fast. He could feel his stomach churning, a part of him wanted to hear what Yuushi had to say, but a part of him didn't.

"Just say it Yuushi." Gakuto pushed.

"He first met Kato Kyona-san three years ago when she came to Tsukiji, she came to his office one day seeking treatment-."

Hiyoshi could swear his senpai was explaining something to him, but he couldn't understand. Nothing was sinking in in his brain, he could see his teammates surrounding him, each had a worried look in their faces, but he couldn't understand why. He was like frozen inside dry ice, moving without understanding anything happening.

"She's been confined in Tsukiji for almost a year-." Yuushi continued.

"Where are you going?" Shishido grabbed Hiyoshi's arm when he suddenly stood up.

"I'm going to Tsukiji." Hiyoshi replied and tried to get Shishido's hand off him.

"Iie, you're not." Atobe stood up, beaming with confidence as always.

"This isn't the tennis club anymore, you're not my buchou anymore, you can't tell me what to do." Hiyoshi argued.

"Hiyoshi-kun calm down." Choutarou tried to pull on his best friend who was still trying hard to get away from all of them.

"Iie, I'm going to go see Kyona!" he screamed.

"Iie, you're not." Yuushi said in a sad voice.

He stopped resisting, and stared at his senpai. Somehow, he knew what he meant, but his mind was in denial, he wouldn't accept it. He couldn't accept it.

"Say it." He told his senpai. "Say it or I won't believe it." He said tears almost flowing from his eyes.

"She died this afternoon." Yuushi finally said. "The cancer was far advanced when she came to Yagyuu-kun, he did what he could, but—." Yuushi choked.

"She told Yagyuu-san that when she dies, he should contact you, to tell you that she left three years ago because what she shared with you was something special, something she wanted to remember until she died. And she wanted you to remember her that way, the happy, smiling officemate you had, not the weak cancer patient that she was when she died." Choutarou continued the sentence for Yuushi.

"Yagyuu-kun called you this morning in the office because she was already looking bad and he wanted you to see her before—but you didn't return his call so, so, when she expired three hours ago Yagyuu-kun called me up." Oshitari continued.

He fell to the ground, he could not accept what he just heard. He could not process what happened. He was asking himself why, but no answer was ever coming. He just, sat there, trying his best to process everything, but nothing was being processed in his brain.

That was the longest night of his life. He had experienced defeat a thousand times, but this too him was the greatest defeat he had ever faced. His teammates stayed with him, until he was in his right senses again. Until he could drive home safely, well, Choutarou did have to drive him home that night, his best friend had to take his pregnant wife with him to stay over in his place because he was so worried he would do something drastic.

That night as Choutarou set his wife to sleep in his spare room, he stood outside the balcony, starring at the winter stars, wondering if she was up there watching over him.

"Hiyoshi-kun." His best friend called from inside the house, "You might get a cold out there, get in here."

"Is Aiko-chan asleep?"

"Hai." His best friend handed him a cup of warm tea.

"Ootori-kun."

"Hai?"

"I really hate winter." He breathe in deeply before taking a sip of his tea.

Because no matter how magical winter could be for some people, he just found another reason to hate it all the more. Maybe one winter someday, he'll find a reason to be happy and festive, but for now, he's just going to hate winter all over again.

**-oOo-**

**So, I kind of changed my writing style for this chapter but hope you still like it.**

**As a trivia, the National Cancer Center in Japan is located in Tsukiji, Chou-ku, Tokyo, that's why Kyona requested to be transferred there, so she can have treatment. (Yes, I do research when I write my stories, just to make facts more interesting =D, and sorry for inserting Yagyuu from Rikkai into this chapter, I couldn't think of any other character since I already made Oishi a Cardiologist and Oshitari a Plastic Surgeon.)**


	7. Kabaji's Journey Home

**CHAPTER 7: Kabaji's Journey Home**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**So yes, I had a difficult time writing this one, because we are talking about Kabaji, Kabaji who, as far as I know had only three lines in the whole series, "Usu", "Argh!" (When imitating an opponent's style), and "Hoi" (during the mountain training arc against Kikumaru).**

**-oOo-**

He left England at the age of eleven, to go after his best friend, to the land of the Ninjas and the Samurais. And yet after fourteen years, his memories still bring him back to that place, where he first understood the meaning of caring.

He rubs his eyes as the sun shone through his window that morning; he was home. But his heart had a different home, somewhere across the ocean, and for fourteen years, his heart has been missing its home.

He was the silent witness; the buchou's sidekick; the great mimic; the man of few words; the simple minded member of an elite group of once middle school tennis players. He was the great jeweller who fabricated the engagement and wedding bands of almost all his friends; yes, even the one that the brown haired counter-puncher never got to wear, and the one that the smiling tensai still keeps in his drawer hoping someday he'd be able to give it to someone. He was Kabaji Munehiro, and he was the least noticed soul amongst them.

He walks out of his bedroom and his eyes roam around his empty house, yes, it was empty, because despite the expensive furniture and electronic devices fashioning his house; despite the servants attending to his daily needs, he felt the emptiness. Because despite the fire burning in the furnace, he felt the lack of warmth, especially during the winter months.

His butler greets him, and he makes his way to the kitchen. A hearty breakfast waits for him at the table. He settles himself and looks at the empty chairs, he missed his sister; she did visit him every now and then, but being married with kids made it more difficult for her, nearly impossible even. He missed his parents, after he graduated from University, they moved back to England, but he stayed behind; because Japan was his home now, his, but not his heart's; because his heart still longed for the English countryside.

He didn't have to go to the jewellery shop today, it was a Sunday after all, he could just stay home if he wanted to. But he was too lonely at home, and he was not in the mood for a DVD marathon today. His phone rings and he answers it, his narcissistic best friend called to invite him to a reunion game with his middle school tennis club teammates slash picnic at the Atobe Tennis Club and Resort. He didn't have anything to do today, and besides, it's not like he ever said 'No' to his best friend. "Usu." Was his response and ended the call. He makes his way to his room to change his clothes, while his butler prepared his tennis bag.

His chauffer drops him off at the famous Tennis Club and Resort and two playful figures welcomed him in an embrace.

"Kabaji Oji-san!" they both screamed as they ran to him, behind them was a smiling woman who quickly calls the twins over, "It's good that you came over Kabaji-kun."

"Usu" was the response, along with a nod. The twins tug on his hands and drag him to the tennis court where everyone was. His narcissistic best friend pats him on the shoulder and smiles at him.

He settles himself down on the bleachers as he watched a match between his narcissistic best friend and his narcoleptic teammate, who now works as an advertiser in the Atobe Corporation. But was his eyes watched the ball go from side to side, he undetectably began to stare at the silver haired cry baby who was happily assisting his pregnant wife move around, he envied how happy they looked, and how excited he was that a baby was on its way; he shakes it off. The narcissist, although hitting the ball back to the narcoleptic was actually observing him as he stared at the expectant couple.

The gentle giant accepts the Enbu tennis player's challenge for a match; being the great mimic that he was, he was able to return all his shots, but his eyes were not on the court. Instead, his eyes roamed to the blue-haired tensai who despite being there was busy making phone calls and looking at wedding magazines with his fiancé. He returns one more ball and secretly asks himself if he will ever get to plan his own. The narcissist, although busy chatting with the brown-haired counter-puncher never took his eyes off his best friend.

The day had finally ended, and each of them had to go back to their own little worlds, he looked at each of his teammates. The silver haired crybaby assisted his pregnant wife into their car. The blue-haired tensai opened the passenger door of his car for his fiancé. The narcoleptic was smiling while reading an SMS on his phone, it could just be the volley specialist from Rikkai inviting him over for sweets, or it could be some girl they were yet to meet, but at least he was happy. The acrobatics sweets chef was busy pestering the brown haired counter-puncher about something he couldn't understand; he knew both of them has had their share of heart break, but from where he stood, even they look happy. And the Enbu Tennis player who had just recently lost someone important to him, although he knew he was still mourning, well, if he was, he was not obvious about it. And the narcissistic buchou who he calls best friend, why wouldn't he be happy? He owned an empire, he has a beautiful and loving wife, he has a pair of hyperactive twins; his life was perfect.

He gets home and goes straight to his room. He lies on his bed and tries to recall the happy carefree place he use to know. He tries to imagine the lovely soul that made his world complete. Problem was, she never knew that; she never knew that she made his life complete. But how could he have said anything? They were eleven. Could you even call it love when you like someone at the age of eleven? Well, after fourteen years and it was still her on your mind, I guess you can call it love then.

He was almost falling asleep when his phone rang, it was his narcissistic best friend, and his words kept echoing in his head, "Pack your bags Kabaji, we're going to England tomorrow." Where were they going? Did he hear him right? He did didn't he? Because despite his former buchou being the perfect embodiment of the word 'narcissist', he understood him, he could read him like an open book; and he cared for him like a brother.

He felt like he didn't sleep at all that night, and despite wanting to shut his eyes, he couldn't take it off the clouds outside the window of his best friend's private jet. "It'll be fine Kabaji." Were his best friend's words to him as the plane was about to land. He simple nodded.

The limousine ride to the English countryside seemed like forever. And when they finally arrived, he was torn between getting off or staying inside the car. Outside he saw a familiar English cottage. "Are you ready?", his best friend asks him. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath before finally stepping out of the limo.

They made their way to the door of the old English cottage and knocks. A brunette with freckles on her face, bright blue eyes and warm smile opened the door for them. She stared at them and took a moment before she finally spoke.

"Hiro? Keigo? Is that you?" she asked with a jolly voice.

"How are you Helena?" his best friends replies.

"I'm good! Wow! This is such a pleasant surprise." She smiled and opened the door further, "Come in."

She was as beautiful as he remembers her to be. The smile that completed his day was still on her lips. And after fourteen years of dreaming and imagining that face, that smile, it was finally in front of him.

"I'll go get some tea, please sit, make your selves at home."

He follows her to the kitchen with his eyes, carefully watching her very move, and his heart was unusually fast. His concentration was disturbed when he heard giggling and tiny footsteps. Two small figures entered the house, their playful laughter came to a halt when they saw him and his best friend.

"Mum! There are two men in the sofa!" the older boy screamed, while the younger boy hid behind the older.

"Oh don't be silly, they're mummy's friends." She replied as she re-entered the room a tray of warm tea in hand.

He stares at the two boys with blank eyes, suddenly all the color in the world was gone and time came to a stop.

"These is Uncle Hiro, and this is Uncle Keigo. They are mummy's friends from primary school." She introduced them, "These are my sons, the eldest is Edward, while the youngest is George."

"Hello." The two boys said in harmony.

"Hello." His best friend replied with a smile.

He simply nodded.

He felt his body went numb, like his soul was snatched out, but maybe Kami-sama wasn't through with him, because just as he was regaining his senses, he heard a voice.

"Helena, kids, I'm home." The male voice declared happily.

"Daddy!" the two kids ran to the blonde, green eyed, tall, English man standing at the door.

"Oh! We have visitors, hello." He greeted them.

He and his best friend stood up to shake the man's hand.

"Hi darling, these are my childhood friend, Munehiro Kabaji and Keigo Atobe." She gladly introduced them. "This is my husband Pier, forgive the dirt on his shirt, he's a wood craftsman."

"The Munehiro Kabaji, and The Keigo Atobe?" he shook their hands vigorously, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you both. Helena here has been talking about you for ages! She always said her best days in primary school was all thanks to the two of you." He signals them to sit as he sat across from them beside Helena, "I have to tell you, I owe you both my life for taking care of my Helena back then." He lovingly kissed her lips.

He felt his breathing to be laboured. His head became light and woozy. He looked around the small house, it was old, just the way he remembers it fourteen years ago. He had a mansion back in Japan, all they had was an old English cottage. He had servants attending to his needs day and night, they meagrely manage by themselves. He didn't even own a dog, they had two lovely boys. He fashioned jewellery from gems and diamonds, he fashioned art from wood. Yet somehow, he felt they were richer than he was.

They stayed a while longer to chat, but when his best friend felt, it was time to go they said their goodbyes.

"It was lovely seeing you again." Helena held both their hands with a smile.

He stared at her, then her husband, then to the two young boys at her side. They wish they were his, but they were not.

They makes their way back to the limousine and stand to wave at the lovely family standing outside their lovely English cottage. They get into the limo and drive back to the airport.

Before boarding the plane he stares toward the old English countryside, this was his home, this was his heart's home. Now that his home was snatched away from him, he felt like a vagabond. But they say even travellers eventually find their way home. But for now, until his heart find another home, maybe he'll just roam this earth, a lost soul, with nowhere to call his own.

His narcissistic best friend pats his shoulder, "Let's go home Kabaji."

"Usu."

**-oOo-**

**Author: Wow Kabaji, I didn't know you had so much emotions inside of you.**

**Kabaji: Usu!**

**LOL!**


	8. Inui's Happily Never After

**CHAPTER 8: Inui's Happily Never After**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**Blame the weather! (-;) Won't be using the third person in this chapter.**

**-oOo-**

It's illogical.

I don't understand.

I can't figure it out.

Nande?

I stare out my window trying hard to put the pieces together but I just can't. no matter how many times I try to re-arrange the data, it just won't fit. What went wrong? Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Was it something I failed to do or say? No matter how much I wrinkle my forehead I can't seem to make sense of anything.

"_I'm sorry Sadaharu."_

I remember what you said; I remember your face when you said it. I can even remember the weather, it was sixteen degrees Celsius, the sky was cloudy, the wind was blowing from the east. I can even remember your clothes, light green skirt paired with white plain blouse, open toed green flat shoes, your hair tied neatly in a half-pony tail. You had a pair of pearl earrings on. You were standing beside me, about 3.76cms away from me, clasping your hands, playing with the diamond ring in your left ring finger. There were about five to seven strands of hair that fell on your face when the wind blew when you said those words. I can remember the details, but I can't understand.

"_It's difficult to explain Sadaharu; I guess it's best to just say it as it is."_

I've been trying to collect every piece of memory that I have, every data that I could since it started, twenty six thousand two hundred and eighty hours when you first said words that I understood and treasured. I can still remember that night, on the rooftop, after everyone else has left the party, you stood seven inches away from me, you were wearing a tight pink dress to your knees, your long black hair let down with silver round earrings and just the right amount of blush on your cheeks. You said 'yes' and my heart just leaped with joy. Love became the most logical thing to me. Now I stand here where we stood one thousand and ninety five days ago, and you are nowhere near me.

"_Consider this thread of life broken."_

The city light use to be so beautiful from up here. The night sky use to be so bright to me even during winter. The snow didn't seem so cold. Now I do not know what to believe, or what to feel, which is logical and which is not. Right now for the first time in my life, no amount of data could ever explain to me why my heart seems to beat slower than it used to. No amount of words, figures or numbers that I write down in my notebook could ever tell me why I feel like half of me just died today.

"_You're a smart guy, you'll figure out how to move on with life…eventually."_

I always thought you owned a heart of gold, because the way you were with little children, I always knew you'd be a wonderful mother. Was it the thought of mothering my children? Or was it the thought of spending the rest of your life with me? Or was it just me? I've been turning the notes inside and out, writing down every possible variable, but maybe this is one thing I can never figure out. Even if it takes me a thousand years.

"_A part of me says it was true, but a part me want to say it was just pretend."_

Was I such a terrible memory? Am I such a terrible person? I admit I over analyse things. But, am I such a predictable being that you got tired so easily. Did I scare you with my projection and future plans? Would it have been better if I never said anything and kept things to myself? What is a lie? Was I delusional? Why am I this confused?

"_My friends were right from the start; maybe I fought for something that was never meant to be mine."_

I've always known you treasured the people around you, but was I not one of those worth treasuring. Was I not one that was worth fighting for? Because I did for you. I did for you so badly, it hurts. Can science and medicine truly explain why I feel this pain in my heart right now? Should I call Oishi and ask him? Right now, I do not need a doctor. I need you. Was it what they said? Do they even know who you really are?

"_I guess you don't really know who I am Sadaharu. Maybe I myself do not know who I am."_

How can a person live in this earth without knowing who they really are? I use to. I use to know who I was, why I was here, where I was going, what my future held. Or maybe I didn't? because I never saw this coming.

"_It's better this way Sadaharu, better now than too late."_

Thank you for being there. For being a reality to me, even if maybe, it was all a fantasy. For being the one logical thing that became illogical in a split of a second. The one mystery I can never unravel, nor will I ever try to. Because I will never have the chance to. Ever again.

"_You were all the things I thought I ever wanted Sadaharu…until I realized, I was not what you deserved."_

Who are you to decide for me what I deserve or not? To decide which decision I should take. Shouldn't I have been the one to decide on that? Wasn't I clear enough when I proposed to you? Weren't you paying attention when I placed that ring in your finger? Did the four thousand four hundred and sixteen hours that you wore that ring scare you of the actual possibility of that one-day waking in the morning and seeing me lying beside you?

"_Thank you for pretending, and for making me feel that I was the only one for you."_

It was all true. What could have led you to thinking that I was pretending? You were the only one for me. Did I have anyone else? Because as far as I can remember there was none. No one. I gave everything to you. All of me, and all my hopes, my future. I may have left nothing for myself.

"_Thank you for making me fall."_

Fall where? Did I ever let you fall? Because as far as I know I hit the ground always. When your friends badmouthed me and you kept silent. When your family refused to accept our engagement. Now that I think about it. I fell really hard didn't I? Believing that you fought for me, that you truly loved me. Another mystery I can never disentangle. Love. Such a mystery.

"Inui-senpai."

"Go home Kaidoh."

"Iie, I'm staying right here."

"Maybe some people were meant to be alone in this world Kaidoh."

"I think we all deserve to be happy Inui-senpai."

"Are you happy Kaidoh?"

"Somehow."

How can something so beautiful be so painful? Love. Such an enigma to me. Illogical.

"What was her reason senpai?"

Sometimes I envy the people who have happiness in their lives, even without knowing and understanding. They say there's a things called faith. Believing but not really seeing. Hoping and yet not actually grasping it in their hands at the moment of belief. It seems illogical, but those people seem happy. Why?

"One day senpai, we'll all find our happiness."

Where does happiness lie? In the hand of another person? In a place? In a single event of life? In the thrill of the game? In an object of affection? In jewellery fashioned for a promise to last a lifetime?

"Chotto mate senpai what are you doing? Don't throw that away!"

I refuse to hold on to something that can make me question my own. I refuse to be held captive by something that would only make a paradox out of my life.

"Senpai, why did you throw the ring away?"

"Sometimes Kaidoh, people do illogical things. But sometimes, in those illogical actions, they find the logic of the conundrum."

The city lights are beautiful, even in the snow. Because lights keep us out of the dark. That is its function. And it does it well. Maybe for now, I'll just stick to what makes sense.

"Senpai, you worked so hard to be able to buy that ring."

"It's just a ring Kaidoh."

"Demo, senpai."

"It's illogical to keep something of no value to the one thing you valued most."

"Senpai."

"Go home Kaidoh, there'll be no happy ending for me here."

Maybe tomorrow it'll all make sense to me. And If it doesn't, then maybe the day after it will.

**-oOo-**

**I know it's kind of weird and vague, but it's Inui so…it's weird and vague, like his juices.**


	9. Atobe's Dreams

**SOMETHING I'LL NEVER KNOW SERIES: Chapter 9: Ore-sama's Dreams**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**I wanted to reserve Atobe and Tezuka for last, but I just can't get this story plot off my head for days now, so I finally gave in, sorry Atobe but it's time for you to cry.**

**-oOo-**

I don't want to wake up yet.

I don't want to see the daylight, not just yet.

I woke up feeling cold today, and I was wondering why. I turned my head to your side of the bed, and found you gone. I blinked once or twice. Then I remembered; you left yesterday after our argument.

"_I'm going home to Sapporo for a while, we've been arguing a lot lately, and maybe we need some time away from each other."_

"_Do whatever you want."_

"_I'm taking the kids with me."_

"_Fine."_

I've been waking up alone for years before we got married, but why does it seem like this was the first time I woke up by myself in bed? I know it was my stubborn pride that allowed you to leave, I should have stopped you. I should have pulled you in my arms and kissed you. After all, you knew from the start that I needed to run an empire, I had no choice, I was the sole heir. You knew the life you'd live with me. Did I force you to live a life you didn't want to live? You married me voluntarily didn't you? Our marriage was not an arranged one, I fell in love with you the same way you did with me. We were in love right?

"_Keigo, why did you choose me?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Your parents arranged for you to marry someone right?"  
_

"_So?"_

"_Why insist on marrying me?"_

"_Because it's you that I love."_

This house seems so quiet without the twins here. I keep on turning my head expecting them to jump up to me, hugging me from both sides. I know I don't show it often, but I think the best achievement I've done in life is fathering those two. I was a better father than I was a husband, maybe. Even so, I know I loved you more.

"_Keigo, daijabou desu ka?"_

"_Hai, daijabou desu. I just can't believe…they're beautiful."_

"_They are aren't they?"_

"_Wait 'till they come out. They'll look more beautiful. I'll be leaving you two to look at them a while longer."_

"_Arigato doctor."_

"_Those are our sons."_

"_Hai. Our sons."_

I stare at the teacup, watching the smoke rising from the hot tea. It somehow clouds my vision, much like how my pride clouded my decision the last time we spoke. But, even if I am longing for you, I must not let it get to me; I have an empire to run and having a fight or not, it doesn't change anything, life must go on.

The limousine ride to the office seemed so long, and so boring. We use to talk about random things while on the way to the office, things that I would rather discuss than some business agenda that was on my calendar that day. My workday officially starts when you and the twins leave the office to give me time to work. But now that you're not here, my workday starts the moment I receive my first phone call of the day.

"_What are you doing?"_

"_I am turning this off."_

"_You can't turn off my cell phone; I'm waiting for Shishido to call me regarding the deal with the Kamagawa Group."_

"_No you're not."_

"_Yes I am."_

"_No you're not."_

"_Iiyo."_

"_Good."_

"_I never win in any discussions with you."_

"_You never will."_

"_Just, don't do that when everyone else is around."_

"_Afraid that the great Atobe-sama can be controlled by one lowly little lady who just happens to be his wife?"_

"_You're teasing me."_

"_So what if I am?"_

"_Fine."_

You always managed to make me smile, it's like I don't mind being weak, when it's with you. See? Even when you're not here, just thinking of you makes me smile. I miss you. Please come home.

There are a lot of people in the office today, everyone seem to be staring behind my back. I guess they can tell that we are not in good terms right now. Who cares about them? All I want is you, here, in my arms again.

"Atobe-sama."

"Nani?"

"We—."

"Go on."

"We have news about your wife and children."

I have been listening to everything that they have been telling me, and all I could say was 'Get out of my sight!', very in character for me, but still inappropriate. I've been pacing my office for hours. Shishido has been staring at me since he came in. it's annoying. Jirou is already asleep in my office couch, and I think he's already drooling. I'll just have someone disinfect that later. I know they're just being supportive, but, I just can't bear to see them supportive.

"Atobe."

Oh great! Oshitari's here too, and Gakuto and Ootori's with him. More eyes to stare at me as I pace the room, marvellous! The only ones missing are—

"Atobe-buchou!"

"Usu."

I spoke too soon. I rolled my eyes. I know my office is spacious and comfortable but the whole team here, staring at me walk round and round, it feels so cramped up. Would I be so evil if I wished you and the kids were here inside the office with me and these guys were there, where you are right now? I'm going to have to shake off the thought.

It's been how many hours already? I've loosened my tie and took my jacket off. I have also tried desperately to get rid of these seven individual who's been watching me pace the room. But unfortunately, I have failed miserably.

"We heard."

Oh great! More people, did Seigaku have to come to? Good thing that brat isn't here in the country, or he would probably be here too. Great! Speak of the devil calling me on the phone right now. I guess I have to answer this one.

That was less than comforting phone call from that brat. Where are you?

The sun is setting, how many hours has it been? This is so frustrating! I can't just sit here and wait, I need to be out there, looking for you, looking for our sons.

"Eat something."

I really wish Oshitari would leave me alone, I don't want to eat. How can I eat, when I do not have the slightest idea how you are doing. I remember each meal that you prepared since the day we got married. You loved cooking, even if we have chefs from all over the world to prepare our meals, you still preferred making dinner for yourself, and amazingly, your menu has always been fancied by my palate, more than any international cuisine I have ever tasted. I guess maybe it was because, you made it with love.

"Drink something."

Shogayu? Really Tezuka, that's the best you can offer a king? Shogayu? But admittedly, it is quite comforting. Even if it was Tezuka who handed it over.

I told you, take the family plane if you want to go home to Sapporo, but no, you were too stubborn, you wanted to take a commercial flight. I don't care if it was first class or business class that you took; you still went on a commercial flight for crying out loud! And now this. Now I have to suffer, and worry about you and the kids. If you had taken the family plane to Sapporo this wouldn't have happened. It wouldn't. it wouldn't right? Can someone please tell me that this wouldn't have happened if she took the family plane to Sapporo!

"Oi! Watch it Atobe, you almost hit Choutarou with that vase."

"Atobe, destroying your office won't make the search and rescue any faster."

Shut up Gakuto! Well it sort of calms my nerves, if you can't deal with it get out! And Shishido, still pampering Ootori after all these years, I know he would have been your brother-in-law had Cheiko-san not…well, ceased to exist in this world. Never mind. My head is just about to burst right now, and you…fifteen are of no help!

"Atobe-sama, we have sighting of the wreckage."

Wreckage? Wreckage? I don't care about the wreckage! I want my wife back! I want my kids back!

"You look like your head is about to burst."

"Fuji, let's not, agitate him."

How very tensai of you to notice Fuji. Oh Kami-sama, wreckage…wreckage…how bad was it? Where are they?

"_Keigo, I hate planes."_

"_Nande?"_

"_They scare me."_

"_This plane has been serving my family for quite a number of years; it has been maintained in tip top condition. Don't worry; nothing bad is going to happen."_

I told you, just take the family plane. Why didn't you listen?...Why didn't I stop you? I should've stopped you.

"_Otou-san look Yuuna looks like a pilot."_

"_I'm going to fly a fighter plane someday Otou-san!"_

"_And I'll be famous tennis player like Tezuka Oji-san!"_

"_Yuuta-kun, you can't say that in front of Otou-san, he'll get jealous."_

"_I don't mind if you idolize Tezuka Oji-san, Yuuta. And Yuuna why would you want to fly a fighter plane?"_

"_Because I want to join the air force Outo-san, I want to be a brave soldier fighting for our country."_

"_Mou, show off!"_

"_Am not!"_

"_Show off!"_

"_Am not!"_

"_Yes you are!"_

"_Oto-san Yuuta is teasing again!"_

"_You can't be brave soldier if you keep on rambling about your brother teasing you Yuuna."_

I miss then so much. If I could just hold them once more, just embrace them once more. Please, Kami-sama. I know I can be arrogant and bratty at times, but please, give them back to me, and I'll never let them go, never again.

Alone. What does alone mean? I've never been alone before. I've always had servants following me, attending to my every needs. I was famous amongst my schoolmates since middle school. Rabid fan girls have been keeping me on my feet since I first entered the world of tennis. What does it mean to be alone? Ever since I met these guys, I've never been alone. Even our rivals, ever since we faced each other in middle school the weird kind of friendship that we shared has always kept me company. I don't know what it means to be alone. I don't ever want to know its meaning.

"Atobe-sama, we have news about your family."

I feel empty. I've never felt empty. I've always known my opponents weakness, my insight was perfect. I have never been empty. And yet now, as I sit here, as I stare down from the window of this helicopter; not only do I feel empty, but I feel worthless.

"Atobe, we'll be waiting outside."

"We'll leave you alone with them, give you some time."

Even if they are here, my Hyotei family, I still feel like the world has lost color; there are no birds singing in the tree; not even the adrenaline of playing a tennis match can bring me back from this spiral of defeat that I am flushing myself into.

My lovely children, where has all the laughter gone to? Where has your playfulness rested? Why did I let this happen to you?

You look so pale, your beautiful face tarnished with clotted blood, your perfect figure broken in so many pieces. I can't hear your heart beating as I embrace you, not like I use to. Your soft silky hair falls as I brush my fingers through them. Your lips feel so cold as I kiss them. Your hands, they do not hold mine back, they do not squeeze mine back, not anymore.

I feel like it was all a dream. I can still feel your presence here. I can still see your face, your lovely face. I can still hear your laughter, all of your laughter. Call me 'Keigo' once more, just once more. Please.

No one to call me 'otou-san' anymore.

I don't want to wake up yet.

I don't want to see the daylight, not just yet.

I just want to sleep, because that's the only place I can be with you now…in my dreams.

**-oOo-**

**There, I hope those people waiting for an Atobe fic didn't get disappointed with this.**


	10. The Best Sushi ChefMaybe?

**Chapter 10: Something I'll Never Know Series: The Best Sushi Chef…Maybe?**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**-oOo-**

He sat on the counter table, with his head hanging, being supported by his hands. The usual noisy, lively and light filled sushi shop was awfully quiet and dim tonight. There was no laughter or cheering, no celebrations or ranting. All there was was empty space. All that could be heard was the dripping faucets, drip, drip, drip, on the stainless basin. The knives were just lying on the kitchen sink, unsharpened and unused for several days now. There was no "burning mode", no energetic cheers of encouragement, no friendly smiling face from the resident power player, rather, ex-power player.

"_Takashi, remember; you have to slide the knife in parallel, smoothly and gently so that the blades will even out. Now, try it again."_

He finally lifts his head up and blinks a few times before walking around the counter. He reached for a knife and stares at it, he marvels at how sharp it was, how the stainless steel would sparkle when the dim lights hanging over the counter hits it. He sighs for the millionth time that day, he remembers the first time he ever fillet a fish; it was a disaster, he ended up filleting his finger more than the fish meat. A small smile creeps its way to his lips, more like a grin really, but the closest he has ever been to an actual smile in weeks. He walks over to the sharpening stone and gently places the knife over it, he inhales deeply and slowly but surely slid the knife back and forth, until he got the rhythm.

"_Stop complaining and concentrate on making the nigiri Takashi. Baka! Don't roll it that way, I already told you a million times the rough side of the nori should be facing upward."_

He gently places the knife on the neatly arranged knife holder that he installed on the counter a few years back, of course at first it was disapproved of, but eventually accepted in the end. He pulls on the basket under the counter where they keep the nori and began checking if there were still enough stocks, thankfully there was enough. One by one, he began to feel the nori, thinking to himself, rough goes up, rough goes up, rough goes up; over and over and over he recited it in his head, like a child memorizing his first poem.

"_There is always more than one way to do things, just like nigiri can be inside out or outside in."_

"_Demo, shouldn't the rough side be facing up?"_

"_Will you just listen to what I'm saying?"_

"_H-Hai."_

He began flipping the nori over and over and over. They did say there are always two sides to a coin and maybe the same is true for sushi making. He turns his head and directs his attention to the hangiri neatly placed on the counter top. He grabs hold of it and began mixing imaginary rice. How many times has he done this before? How many times will he do it in the future? He closes his eyes and remembers all the times he mashed the rice to pulp it looked like glue, or the time he was not paying attention to his mixing that he ended up not mixing the bottom part of the rice, but most especially the time when he forgot to let the rice cool down before putting in the vinegar and seasoning that it looked like porridge.

"_If it taste like vinegar add more sugar, if it lacks taste put on more salt; if it simply isn't there yet, add some more vinegar. Just like how it is in life you need to balance out the flavors, balance out your decisions. Ne, Takashi, are you sure you want to give up karate for tennis?"_

He stares at the wall, tapping his fingers on the wooden counter. He stares at his shadow, he closed his eyes, he inhales deeps before throwing his first punch, and another, and another, until all he could feel was air moving around, his body swaying to the rhythm of each punch, each kick, each elbow hit to his imaginary target. When he was satisfied, he rested his arms on his side and bowed to an unseen opponent. He still had it in him, even after all these years, he still remembered the art, the discipline.

"_Thinner Takashi, is should be about 1cm think. There you go, better. Are they your new set of friends?"_

"_E?"_

"_Those five young fellows you walked home with today. Are they your new set of friends?"_

"_A, Hai."_

"_Sou dane. How about the Akutsu kid? The one who use to live next door? I thought you two were friends?"_

"_A, Akutsu-kun dislikes tennis, so, I can't talk to him about it, but he knows I joined the tennis club in Seigaku."_

"_Hmn. Iiyo, go back to cutting, smoothly, smoothly, the fish meat has to look delicious even before you make the actual nigiri."_

His thinking was disturbed by the crashing sound coming from the stairs. He was quick to walk over to see what the source of the sound was, to his surprise he found his old tennis racket lying at the foot of the staircase with his son standing at the top of the staircase covering his mouth. He picks up the racket and walks up the stairs to his son.

"Gomennasai Otou-san." The young boy bowed to his father, fear evident in his eyes.

"Don't mind." He pats the boy's head, holds his hand and leads him to the bedroom.

"Takashi, what was that sound?" his worried wife asked.

"Makoto dropped this on the stairs." He hands over the old racket to his wife.

"Makoto, where did you get this?" his wife asks his son.

"Eto, I found this box in my room full of tennis things, my room use to be yours right, Otou-san?" His son replies scratching his head.

He stares at his son and smiles, an actual smile, his very first smile in weeks. His son was like a carbon copy of him when he was his age. His actions, his curiosity, his shyness. He starts to wonder, if he puts a racket on his son's hand, will he go into burning mode too? He shakes his head and ruffles his son's hair as if to say, curiosity is all right, but not too much, it can also kill. He kisses his wife and nods to say that she should take their son and go to bed. She understood him perfectly; he didn't need to say a word. She smiles, caresses his face then motions to their son to come and go to sleep. The ex-burning power player holds his wife's shoulder and motions for her to give him the tennis racket. Confused and unsure as to why, his wife hands the racket over to him. He smiles and nods at his wife before heading back down to the sushi shop.

"_I don't care if you're a substitute, I'm going to come over and watch you today."_

"_Hmn. Our goal is to go to the Nationals, after this I can play."_

"_That's the spirit! Ja, I'll see you later."_

He searches the empty sushi shop, for what? He was not sure of. It just felt so empty. He stares at the yellow dusty racket in his hand. How many reunion games has he been invited to? And how many has he declined to attend? He did always offer his sushi shop for after game dinner, he was more than happy to see everyone. Admittedly he misses the Hyotei bunch who use to have regular lunch dates in his sushi shop a few years back when that blue capped guy, what was his name, ah Shishido-san, lost his fiancé in a car accident. They haven't been coming in much lately. But truthfully he missed his team more; he remembers Tezuka's face when he was mistaken for a sensei. He remembers Eiji fighting with Kaidoh over the last piece of anago. He remembers how Momoshiro and Echizen would have these competitions of how much sushi they could stuff in their mouths. He remembers how Oishi forced them to eat wasabi sushi before facing Rikkai in the Kantou finals. He remembers Inui's over analysis of the size of sushi he makes compared to his Otou-san's. He remembers the ich-nen trio and how they would always greet him 'Kawamura-senpai' each time they came into the shop; he remember Tomoka and Sakuno; he remembers Ryuuzaki-sensei advice and patience when he had to take leave from the team to compensate for his Otou-san's broken arm. He remembers it all. But mostly he remembers how they all remembered him, long after he had quit tennis, how they still remember him.

"_Takashi, those friends of yours from middle school always come to visit you don't they?"_

"_Aa."_

"_You've found really good friends Takashi, keep them close."_

"_Hmn."_

He sits in a corner and searches the room once more. It was definitely empty. Sure there were tables and mats, sure there were wooden chopsticks and soy sauce and seasoning. Sure there was water running in the faucet. And yet there were plenty of knives to go around. But the fish containers were empty; the van parked outside was empty. He felt his cheeks began to warm up with tears as he stared at the wooden counter, in his delusion he began to see two male figures standing behind the counter, one was older and shorter kneading some rice in his hands, skilfully shaping and finally placing the slice of fish on top. The younger watching and trying hard to copy the older's skills and technique. He wiped the tears from his eyes and remembers once more.

"_Takashi, just because you run the shop now, doesn't mean you can disregard my opinions."_

"_Oyaji, that's exactly the point, I run the shop now, I make the decision now."_

"_If your decision go bad, don't come to me asking for my help."_

"_I won't!"_

It was stupid argument that they had, about changing the sushi rice supplier. Pretty lame, now it makes sense to him. How did he let it get that far? Why did he let it get that far? Wasn't he the dutiful and obedient son? Wasn't he the responsible first born who would carry on the tradition of the great Kawamura Sushi, the best Sushi in Tokyo, no, scrap that, the best Sushi in Japan.

"_How long do you plan on not talking to your Otou-san?"_

"_Youko, please don't get involved in this."_

"_Takashi, it's been more than a week."_

"_He's not talking to me either."_

"_Takashi."_

"_Youko, not now, please."_

"_Otou-san is not getting any younger, and so are you. Do you know how lonely it can be when you lost your wife, your daughter lives far from you, and your son doesn't want to talk to you?"_

"_Youko—."_

"_You too have a son Takashi, how would you feel if Makoto stopped talking to you because you don't agree with one of his life decisions."_

"…"

"_It hasn't even been a year since you lost your Okaa-san, Takashi. Do you have to wait until you lose your Otou-san before you realize how stupid this is?"_

He should have listened to his wife; he should have just let it slide. Be the better man and talked to him first. Wasn't this man the one who has been supporting him since he was young? Wasn't he the proud father who stood in the crowd with a grin in his face when he received his black belt? Wasn't he the ever diligent father who always found time to watch him play, silly as it may seem, drop by in the middle of a sushi delivery during his match against Ishida in the semi-finals of the Nationals in his senior year? Wasn't he the generous giver who always offered their sushi shop to celebrate each and every victory? He was wasn't he? What made him the ungrateful son who wouldn't even talk to his own father for a silly, simply, stupid reason as rice supplier?

"_Where is oyaji?"_

"_He left this morning, he said he wanted to visit your Okaa-san's grave."_

"_What time did he leave?"_

"_About an hour ago."_

The flashing red lights of the ambulance blinded his eyes, the white walls of the hospital's emergency room suffocated him, the green curtains didn't calm him at all like they were supposed to. Why were they there? Shouldn't they be in the sushi shop? Mixing? Slicing? Or the market maybe. Picking up fresh seafood. Everyone was so noisy. There was screaming everywhere. So many people crying. Why was he here?

"_Gomennasai Kawamura-san, we did all that we could, but he had a massive heart attack. We couldn't revive him."_

Why did he go to the cemetery all alone that day? Why did he choose to visit his wife's grave in the middle of winter? Was he so bored at home? Maybe he was wasn't he? After all he hasn't made a single sushi in his hand for a long time. A long, long time.

"_Oyaji, your hands are shaking."_

"_I can still do this Takashi, stop watching and supervising me."_

"_Ah! Oyaji see, the fish fell. Please Oyaji, go and rest, your tremors have been getting worse lately."_

Was he the evil son for caring about him, was he the reason why his Otou-san became sedentary and lifeless. Did he kill his own father?

There was a knock at the door.

"Gomennasai, we are closed." He states as he opens the door for the visitor.

A tall silver haired, beady eyes man with a cigar on his mouth stood outside, looking down at him.

"Akutsu?" he asked surprised at the other's sudden visit.

"I'm sorry for your lost."

"Hai. Come in." he lets the taller man in.

"I heard from Momoshiro."

"Aa. They were all here during the funeral. Even Echizen flew all the way from America to visit me." He nods as he prepared tea for his guest.

"Your Otou-san was a good man."

"Aa."

"So, I also heard from Momoshiro that you haven't been talking with each other the last few days before he died."

He stops preparing the cups and bows his head, even his childhood friend who was known for not caring at all was asking him about his unusual behaviour.

"I was able to talk to your Otou-san that morning."

He raised his head and stares at his friend.

"I saw him on his way to the cemetery and I was surprised to see him alone. You usually visit your Okaa-san's grave together, and seeing him alone that morning gave me an idea that you two were not in good terms."

"I regret ever putting my pride ahead of my love for my Otou-san." He admits as he pours the tea in two cups.

"He was very proud of you, he told me that he has always been proud of you. He loved you. And he could never hate you."

He places the cups on the table and stares at his friend, it was unlike him to be talking the way he was.

"Kawamura, I've known you for almost all my life. You know my family history. I know you did not mean to do what you did to you Otou-san. Don't blame yourself. He did not have any grudge or anger towards you, even to his death. You were lucky to have an Otou-san like him. I never knew my Otou-san—I guess I never will." The taller man sips from his teacup.

He woke up with a pain on his neck, it was not very comfortable sleeping on the counter all night with your neck bent forward on your arms. He looks around the empty sushi shop. He must have fallen asleep down there the night before. He looks at the empty teacups of the table. He wasn't dreaming, his childhood friend did come to visit the night before. He looks over the counter and realizes just how empty the shop truly was. He was not dreaming, his father was truly dead. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs and turns his head to the direction. A pair of yellow-brown orbs stared at him under sleepy lids.

"Ohayou gozaimasu." His son greeted him rubbing his eyes.

"Ohayou Makoto." He smiles at his son.

The young boy runs to his embrace and rests his head on his sturdy chest. He embraces the boy tightly. He closes his eyes and lets the tears flow freely. He promises to be the kind of father that his father was to him, maybe, even better. He swore to support his son in every endeavour that he will ever face. And if that time comes that his son stops talking to him for one reason or another, he going to make sure that he would be the first to talk to him again.

He remembers the burning power player from middle school who once dreamt of becoming the best sushi chef in Japan. Now he realizes, he could never be the best. Because the best sushi chef in Japan had just died, and he could never replace him.

**-oOo-**

**There, a little something different, I don't want you all thinking that I'm enjoying making our dear Seigaku and Hyotei princes lonely old men who lost their girlfriend/fiancés/wives…and besides, I think Taka-san's relationship with his father was just amazing in the series. And sometimes, no matter how hard it is to accept, as children, we do break our parent's hearts every now and then, but they continue to love us no matter what.**

**On the lighter side, I usually respond to reviews by sending a PM but those guest reviews I can't respond to via PM so I am answering you guys/gals in this chapter's AN**

** Anonymous: Yep, already did one for Atobe, the chapter before this is about Atobe.**

** Copper Sulphate: Thank you so much for the review! And yes, a fic where Tezuka always smile would be really nice, the closest I have managed to cook up for Tezuka "nearly always smiling" is my other story When Words Collide…he has a lot of scenes where he "smiles" in that story, so if you want to read a happy, smiling, glowing, in-love Tezuka I suggest you visit that story. =+)**

** mangareader54: I'm so sorry for making you cry =+(, demo, thank you for appreciating the collection so far.**

**Oh, and shout out to NewSlove who have been sending in quite a number of reviews, appreciate it much! Hope you like this chapter.**


	11. Flowers for Yuushi

**Something I'll Never Know Series. Chapter 11: Flowers for Yuushi**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**This chapter I am going to keep short and simple. And direct to the point. Plus, no one's going to die! Weee!**

**-oOo-**

I've always wanted the traditional Shinto wedding, in a shrine, with only our family and closest friends there. I wanted to see you wearing that shiromuku, I wanted to wear the motsuki. I wanted it simple and a simple kekkon hiroen after was enough for me, as long as I had the rest of my life to spend with you, it was enough. But we did agree, with all the people we needed to invite, and both of us being not so traditional, it would better to have a contemporary wedding, with you wearing that white gown, and that white veil, and me getting stuck in this tuxedo. I knew I should have cut down on those yakinuki chomp down with Gakuto two weeks before the wedding, now I stand here staring at this hideous looking me trying to fit myself in a tuxedo two sized smaller than I was. But it's too late to complain now.

"E? Looking good there cuz! Except a little fluffy on the sides there."

Kenya. I almost forgot about him. All I could do was roll my eyes at my debonair of a cousin who looked better than me in his tuxedo because he didn't have a nervous breakdown and started chomping down yakinuki before the wedding. Because yes, even I, Oshitari Yuushi experience butterflies in my stomach just thinking about this whole wedding thing. I can't believe we were pushing through with this wedding, after all, it was only two seasons back that Atobe lost his wife and kids to that plane crash, and only last winter did Kawamura lose his father to a heart attack. What was I thinking? Pushing for a wedding like this when some of my closest friends are still mourning; how very insensitive of me; should I call it off? Now, that would just be stupid. If I wanted to push back the wedding, I should have done it weeks, no, months ago, not on the day of the wedding itself. Oh, don't you dare get cold feet Yuushi, don't you even dare.

"Oi, Yuushi! Aren't you going to put that coat on yet? The ceremony's going to start in a few minutes."

Argh! Gakuto, no need to remind me. I'm actually doing this, I'm actually going to get married. It was like it was only yesterday that I first saw her in that hallowed halls of the University.

"_Their Aster."_

"_Gomen."_

"_The flowers, they're Aster."_

"_E?"_

"_You don't know anything about flowers do you?"_

"_Not really."_

"_You've been staring at the flowers a while now, so I thought I should inform you, they're called Aster."_

"_Sou dane."_

"_They were named after stars, since they look similar to one. Asters are a symbol of love, and of daintiness."_

"_E? These flowers?"_

"_You look so surprised."_

"_They don't look very loving to me."_

"_A lot of things in this world you would not see as loving, or lovely, but they are. Like these Asters, they may look like simple flowers, but they mean something beautiful."_

"_Gomen, how rude of me, Oshitari Yuushi desu."_

"_Yamamoto Ayaka desu."_

"_Yoroshiku onegai shimasu."_

"_Hajime mashite."_

I've always been fascinated on how much you knew about flowers back then, I still am until now, but it has always been a wonder to me why you took such an interest in them. After all, you did go in to pharmacy and I into Medicine, but, well, come to think of it, it does make sense. You sure loved botany, as much as I hated studying it. If it weren't part of the curriculum, I would have given up on it. But you always did keep me going.

I look out the window and watch the bridesmaids go about their blue dresses. I am still a wonder why you choose blue for a wedding color, after all, it was clashing with my hair color as it is. But I must admit, the Lilac on the bridesmaid's hair looked lovely. Come to think of it, I was your first boyfriend wasn't I? Yeah, somehow it gives me pride in knowing that. And today, I am making sure that I'll also be your last.

I hope you like the cake, I know you love cake and Gakuto has put so much effort in baking this one. I mean, I know we were together when we choose what type of cake and the design, but I hope you don't mind the extra thing I had placed on the cake for you. Besides, it was not easy to explain to Gakuto why he had to put Lilies on the cake.

"Ano, Oshitari-san, the wedding planner said we have to wear these flower on our tux."

Ootori can be kawaii sometimes when he acts all innocent like that, but of course, I know for a fact that he did get married before me, which means, he is by no means any more innocent than I will be in a million years. A lovely Anemone, another weird choice for a wedding package, much more to use it as a decorative ornament for a tuxedo. But who ever said this was an ordinary wedding? I never considered it as one, because you are special. What we have is special, and what special needs, is something extra special.

"_Ootori-kun looks so kawaii with Kentaro-kun."_

"_They do don't they?"_

"_I never thought he'd marry first."_

"_Well, he didn't Atobe did, he was the first to marry amongst everyone."_

"_Well, Atobe is not counted, so that makes Ootori the first."_

"_Forgive me if I failed to ask first."_

"_Oh, did I hurt my Yuushi's pride?"_

"_Iie."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yamero, you're wrinkling the tux."_

"_Come on now, I know you're being stiff about this."_

"_I am not."_

"_Yes you are."_

"_Ayaka, you're ruffling the little white thingies from the tux."_

"_They're Baby's Breath."_

"_Gomen?"_

"_The little white thingies, they're called Baby's Breath."_

"_Oh?"_

"_They mean everlasting love."_

"_Well, then, we should use a lot of these little white thingies on our own wedding." _

Everything was perfect. The music was perfect. The entourage was perfect. The chapel was perfect. If I must say so myself, I look perfect. And I can't wait to see your perfect face, in your perfect dress walking down that perfect aisle.

"_So this is the place huh?"_

"_Ahum. Do you like it?"_

"_It's perfect."_

"_For the perfect bride, I'd give everything."_

"_You are the perfect fiancé, and I'm sure you'll be the perfect husband."_

"_And you'll be the perfect wife."_

"_Right."_

The music was playing beautifully, and everyone was dressed to a tee. But something was missing, something that I have been longing to see walk down that aisle.

My heart started beating like there was no tomorrow, I felt weary and anxious, and began roaming my eyes on every living creature in that room. I was staring into Kenya's eyes that were telling me he had no idea why. I looked into Gakuto's eyes, which told me to calm down and collect myself. I dared to stare into Atobe's eyes, which were, if I should say so myself, filled with shock and horror. I stared into Shishido's eyes, which showed fear, yes, fear, not that I would even dare to believe it myself. I tried hard not to look at Ootori's eyes but my desperation led me straight to those brown orbs, which were almost crying. Even Hiyoshi looked like he was trying to decide whether to run away or cry. I turned to find Jirou, hoping that even one of them would not show me that expression; I hoped to find his eyes shut, or to not find him at all, meaning he was snoozing somewhere, but there he was standing in a corner with his eyes wide open in shock. Kabaji tried to abate my gaze, but even in his eyes I could see worry. This was not happening right? This was my perfect wedding.

A creak was heard coming from the door, which made everyone turn their heads. I swallowed hard and clenched my fist, hoping I panicked for no good reason at all. But to my dismay, a young girl dressed in blue came down the aisle holding a stripped carnation in her hand, then she handed it over to me. At that moment, I knew it was over.

I sighed and took my hand out of my pocket, I looked at Kenya and shook my head, somehow, that got the message to him. When a young boy tugged on my sleeve and handed a yellow rose to me; then I understood completely.

Gakuto gasped, he too understood what was going on, the rest followed on after that.

I should have known, the signs were everywhere, she chose purple hyacinth as the main flower of her bouquet, and it was adorned with irises all over tied in a white ribbon. A very odd choice for a bridal bouquet, but I thought she was just being creative. The garden where the ceremony was to take place was surrounded by an odd variety of flowers as well, there were Forget-Me-Nots and Daffodils everywhere, somehow she wanted me to remember nothing more than the memories we already had, and she has been telling me all along. But I was too blinded to see it all.

Everyone had gone home and left, I was left alone to stare at the starlit eyes that filed my heart with longing for the one I love. What I did to scare her away I still don't know, but what I know is that she's gone.

That morning I woke up, alone, covered in white sheets with the spring air blowing through my window. I heard knocking on my door, so I got up, got my robe and walked over.

"Deliver for Oshitari Yuushi-san."

"Arigato."

A pot of Azalea delivered to my doorsteps, could only come from her. The bell rings again.

"Delivery for Oshitari Yuushi-san."

"Arigato."

A bouquet of pink carnations…did you have to rub it in? The bell rings a third time, and frankly I didn't want to open the door anymore.

"Yuushi! Let's go grab some coffee."

Honestly, I've never been happier to see Gakuto in my entire life, if it was another delivery boy, I would have probably snapped.

I took a quick shower and got dressed, Gakuto was never the patient one, so I had to be quick about everything. It was weird going out for coffee that early in the morning with my best friend instead of you, but I'm guessing this will be a regular routine for me, for a while.

"By the way Yuushi, I didn't mean to, but I ran over a couple of your flower pots in the drive way, I never even knew they were there."

I stare at Gakuto with a puzzled expression, I was sure I didn't have potted flowers in the driveway.

"Here, I sort of dumped them in a corner, I mean, I don't even know what kind of flowers there were."

"Cyclamen."

"E?"

"They're Cyclamen Gakuto."

"Since when did you become the flower expert?"

"Gakuto, mind if we stop by somewhere before coffee?"

"Yeah, sure Yuushi."

So I drag Gakuto along to that familiar place where I use to spend hours with you.

"I'd like a single long stem red rose please."

"Here you go, Arigato."

"Arigato."

Gakuto has been staring at me all morning since I bought the rose, he's been trying to avoid asking me what it was for all through breakfast, but I know he will at some point. After all, I know Gakuto like the back of my hand, and he will not be able to hold himself in any longer than an hour more, he'll ask me why I bought the flower in three, two, one.

"Why'd you buy a rose Yuushi?"

Gakuto you never change. I stand up and walk away from the baffled Gakuto and walk over to the edge of the river. The riverbed looks beautiful in spring, when the cherry blossom bloom in full it'll look ever more beautiful. I thought my life was perfect, but maybe perfect doesn't exist. I thought of a fairy-tale ending, but maybe fairy tales were just that, make believe. And I may never understand why you walked away from me, but I know I still love you. So, I stare at the rose one last time before tossing it into the river, and watched as it was carried away by the waves, hopefully into the ocean, or maybe, with just a bit of luck, the river will carry it to you.

**-oOo-**

**I didn't want to put much explaining into the paragraphs so for those of you who are asking what all the flowers were about, these are the meaning for each of the flowers that I used in the story (in order of use), well, those that I didn't explain anyway:**

**Lilac – First love**

**Lily – Union, Partnership, and Long lasting relationship**

**Anemone – Unfading Love**

**Stripped Carnation – Sorry I can't be with you**

**Yellow Rose – Decrease of love**

**Purple Hyacinth – I'm sorry**

**Iris – your friendship means so much to me**

**Daffodil – You're the only one**

**Forget-me-Not – True Love**

**Azalea – take care of yourself for me**

**Pink Carnation – I'll Never Forget You**

**Cyclamen – Goodbye**

**Single Red Rose – I still love you**


	12. Echizen's Last Dance

**Something I'll Never Know Series: Chapter 12: Echizen's Last Dance**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies.**

**Warning: This Chapter is I Think the SADDEST Chapter I have written so far…I think.**

**-oOo-**

She had never looked prettier than the way she looked tonight, her long brown hair flowing freely in the wind, her brown orbs speaks of an unheard spell that has successfully captured my heart. Her gentle angelic face seems to glimmer in the lights, and the shadows that the moon has casted on her tender figure elaborately decorate her gentle physique. I've seen her for so many years, her smiling face, her adorable smile, her silly antics, her severe lack of direction, her determination. Everything about her just appears so special tonight. Everything about her is like a dream come true, and I haven't even gone to sleep yet.

I can hear the saxophone, the violin, the cello, the piano, the trumpets; the band drowns my illusion with music, with each step we take swaying to the beating of my heart. Like this melody was composed especially for us to share. I have never been this excited in my life. And honestly, I feel so happy holding her in my arms tonight, for once I was not ashamed that the senpai-tachi has been grinning at me all night for having been dancing with her for almost an hour. Oh dear! We've been dancing for almost an hour, her feet must already hurt. Well, if they do, she's not showing it, because the smile can melt my heart into goo.

How long have I known you? How many years have I let pass by without telling you how much your face has haunted me. How long must I wait again before I finally admit to you, that even whilst I was away in the other end of the world, you were with me, in my dreams, in my heart? You were there each time I closed my eyes. Because each time I did, all I could see was your angelic face calling me, saying my name.

"Ryoma-kun."

Yes, say it one more time.

"Ryoma-kun."

"E?"

"Can we please rest a while? We've been dancing to almost every song that the band has been playing. My feet kind of hurt now."

Even when you complain, you still look so kawaii. I couldn't help myself from grinning and I can't stop myself if I still want to hold your hands even though we're walking over to our table now. Honestly, I hate gatherings, especially those that require me to wear a tuxedo. But, since it's that pompous Atobe's birthday, and it's the first time he's celebrating it again, after his wife and children died so, let it be. Plus, the whole gang is here tonight. I did miss everyone, haven't seen them in a year since I went for the grand slam. Pity that Tezuka-buchou had already retired from the professional scene, it would have been me against him rather than me going against that, what was his name again, oh it doesn't matter, I beat his behinds to pulp anyway. Anyway, back to my sweet Ryuuzaki, okay, maybe from now on I should refer to you by name, since saying your surname taste like I'm desperately in love with my former tennis coach. I feel shivers down my spine.

I hate it when the senpai-tachi looks at me like that, especially how Fuji-senpai has the eerie smile, I feel like his brewing up a master plan to murder any possible hope of me having a peaceful evening. And what is with that face Momo-senpai, Eiji-senpai? You both look like constipated parrots. Inui-senpai, don't even try to hide you facial reaction, I can read through those glasses of yours. Come on! Not you too Kaidoh-senpai. And why the heck is Oishi-senpai blushing? If Kawamura-senpai's smile can get any wider, I think he'll need a third ear so I can still describe it as ear to ear. Well, at least Tezuka-buchou is not staring like the others. Maybe we should sit beside Tezuka-buchou and his family.

As I thought, Tezuka-buchou was not staring because he was too busy hiding his smile behind his son's head. I glare at them, all of them.

"Ne, Ryuuzaki, do you want to dance with me?"

"Iie, she doesn't want to dance with you Horio."

"E? Why are you answering for her Echizen?"

"Ryuuzaki, didn't you say your feet were hurting?"

"Sou dane. Gomen Horio-kun. Maybe later."

"If you hadn't dance with her for the past hour, her feet wouldn't be hurting."

I glared at Momo-senpai for that comment. How many years has it been since middle school? And the senpai-tachi seems to never have grown up. I watch them all go around, I've been asking myself, why we were here, nine grown men, not counting the rest of the team who are also here of course, and yet it seems, one was happy with each of our own lives, despite some tragic stories we may be hiding somewhere. Everyone seemed contented with their life.

"Ano, Ryoma-kun do you mind letting go of my hand for a bit, I—I need to go to the ladies room."

"I'll go with you!"

I could feel the dagger sharp stares the senpai-tachi was giving me when I said that. Not to mention the annoyingly loud laughter that Momo-senpai and Eiji-senpai burst into after I shot up declaring I wanted to go with her to the ladies' room. I could feel my face warming up with embarrassment. I swear Tezuka-buchou's eyes almost popped out in amazement of what I had just so mindlessly declared. I might even say that the noodles from the pasta that Fuji-senpai was eating was hanging out his nose had he not covered it so quickly.

"A-Ano, R-Ryoma-kun, that won't be necessary, I'm not a two year-old girl who needs potty training."

"I'll wait outside."

Baka Ryoma! What is wrong with you? I could swear Momo-senpai and Eiji-senpai almost died laughing from that next response from me. And I think I saw Kaidoh-senpai shower Oishi-senpai with the juice he was drinking.

"Ochibi, Sakuno-chan will only be gone a while."

"Yeah Echizen, it's not like it's the last night of the world that you have to tag along with her to the ladies room."

It's a wonder how those two could even talk in between catching their breathes. I remorsefully let go of her soft gentle hands and follow her with my eyes as she walked, no, floated to the ladies' room. I sighed and sulked in my chair as I glared at the senpai-tachi who was all-grinning back at me. I felt stupid and brainless at that moment.

My world seemed so small when she's not around me. The music feels so lifeless. The festivities around me seem nothing but moving lights in the darkness of night when I do not see her face. My hands seem so empty when I'm not holding her hand. I use to feel empty when I was not holding a tennis racket, but now, it seems her hands were all I needed to hold. They say nothing lasts in this world, even time and seasons change. Maybe innocence is the same, coming then fading into grey as we age. This was it felt to be in love with someone. I use to laugh at Tezuka-buchou when he was so worked up about Ami-senpai. I almost puked when Momo-senpai would go on dates with Ann-senpai. I couldn't believe my ears when I found out that Kaidoh-senpai had feelings for Aiko-senpai. I almost had a heart attack when I heard Inui-senpai got engaged, and then later on almost had another heart attack when I heard the engagement was called off. I didn't understand why Fuji-senpai cried when his fiancé found someone else abroad. It didn't surprise me when Kawamura-senpai married, but I never truly understood. Much more, Oishi-senpai glowing like that. Maybe, it scared me. It scared me to try to understand how they felt. Why they felt that way. Maybe I was afraid that I would lose myself in a world of illusion, which was why I didn't even attempt to understand. But now, now, I want to learn all about this foreign feelings I have inside my chest.

There she is, swaying like a wild swan on a lake. Why have I never appreciated how calm her face was, especially when her hair comes down on her eyes like that? Wow! She looks like an angel in that silky white evening gown she's wearing, the only thing missing are wings.

"Echizen, it's not polite to stare."

Sometimes, I wish Fuji-senpai was not so creepy when he suddenly comes up behind you and whisper in your ear like that. I turn to look and to my dismay, she was talking to that mushroom head from Hyotei. When did he get there? And why was he talking to her? Will you please leave her alone so she can walk back to our table? That's it! I can't stand this anymore, I'm going over.

"Oi Echizen! Where are you going?"

I can't believe I'm glaring at Oishi-senpai. But did he have to intrude?

"Let her mingle Echizen. You don't own her."

I want to strangle Inui-senpai for saying that. But he's right, I don't own her. She's not mine. I don't have any right to stop her from talking to other men. After all, I did sort of ignore her all these years. Let alone, she never had a boyfriend all these years, like she was waiting for me or something. Please don't make me regret everything that I did not do.

"Gomen, Hiyoshi-kun was telling me about a common friend who was getting married next month."

Hiyoshi-kun? Whatever happened to Hiyoshi-senpai, or Hiyoshi-san? Since when have they been close? Didn't that mushroom head have a girl he had his eyes on. Oh, crap! She died of cancer a few years back. So is he eyeing Ryuuzaki, no, Sakuno, I'll call her Sakuno from now on. Don't he even dare lay a finger on her I'll crush him, literally, not just on the tennis court.

"Ano, please excuse me, I'm just going to go out the balcony for a while, it's a bit humid."

Why do you walk that way? Like a silky satin sheet dancing in the wind. Why are you enticing my heart to plunge into something I am unaware of? And why am I smiling as I stare at you walk away.

"Echizen, aren't you going to follow her to the balcony?"

Momo-senpai is right, I have to follow her. I feel like I was flying as I followed her out to the balcony. The ebony color of her eyes twinkled in the starry summer night. The fireworks in the sky made her smile even more precious.

"Ryoma-kun?"

"Sakuno."

"E?"

"The summer sky is beautiful ain't it not?"

"Hmn."

"You look very beautiful tonight Sakuno."

I love the way she blushes each time I get near her. It tells me she's actually mine, although I never claimed what was rightfully mine.

"You're missing out on all the fun inside Ryoma-kun."

"I prefer to be out here."

"You were always the loner, always straying away sleeping under a tree somewhere."

"Hmn?"

"When we were in middle school, you tend to suddenly disappear in the middle of a game."

"And you always found me, no matter where I went."

"E?"

"Have you forgotten Sakuno? When everyone was looking for me, somehow, you always found me."

I caressed her soft face, tracing the shape of her delicate cheeks. Her eyes look so deep when I stare into them from this distance. She has stiffened again. She always does when I get close to her. Her nose are shaped perfectly. Her ears are carved faultlessly, like the diamonds that sparkle from her necklace. Her lips look so pink, even without the make-up on. Why did I only appreciate your true beauty now? I leaned closer to her, and closed my eyes. Everything was dark, but I could feel the softness of her lips against mine; I could feel her every breathe.

I pull away for a second, just enough to whisper in her ears.

"Aishiteru Sakuno."

She stepped away from me; her eyes wide open in shock, tears flowing from her eyes. Her candle shaped fingers covering her mouth, she was trembling and I could swear her color paled.

"Ryoma-kun."

She was speechless. Speechlessly staring two steps in front of me. I think she thought she was dreaming, or hallucinating or something. I was pretty sure she didn't believe what I just said, or the fact that I actually did kiss her. A fact that I myself is still having trouble processing. So I grab her hands and pull her into a tight embrace.

"Aishiteru Sakuno."

I whispered in her ears again. And that was when she embraced me back. It felt so good holding her that way. It felt so warm in my heart.

We stepped back into the ballroom, where everyone was dancing with someone or another. And I held her, I stared into her eyes, I savoured every moment of her smile. I recorded in my head every swaying movement of her hair as we moved to the melody of the saxophone. I was not afraid anymore. I found my one true love, and I realized; it was not tennis after all. It was Ryuuzaki Sakuno.

In fairy tales, when the prince finally finds the princess, the narrator would usually say 'And they lived happily ever after.' But life isn't a fairy tale. The last thing I remember was her smiling face, the music was playing, and we were dancing. Then, there was screaming, everything was shaking, debris were falling everywhere, people were running around. I remember I was pulling her hand, we were headed to the exit, and then everything turned black.

"Ryoma."

Why is everything so white? Why is my hand restrained to something? Why can't I move my legs freely? Okaa-san? Oyaji? What are they doing here? Where is Sakuno? Where did the music go? Where am I?

"S-Sakuno—."

"Conserve your energy Ryoma; you have a long recovery ahead of you."

"O-Oyaji, w-where is Sakuno?"

"We'll talk later, son, rest for now."

"O-Okaa-san—."

My legs still feel numb at times, but I can stand on my own now, slowly walking my way to recovery. The rehabilitation experts that Oishi-senpai recommended are all doing a great job. Somehow, even if it has been six months since that night, when I close my eyes, I still see her face. I still feel her body leaning next to me as we dance. I can still hear the music.

"_Where is Sakuno? Why hasn't she come to visit me?"_

"_The night of the earthquake, everyone was rushing to get out of the building."_

"_What earthquake?"_

"_Don't you remember Echizen? We were at a party, when the earthquake hit."_

"_Earthquake?"_

"_You and Sakuno-chan got trapped inside the building; a couple of other people were trapped with you."_

"_I was pulling her hand—."_

"_It took three days before the rescuers could find you."_

"_We were trapped—."_

"_A large piece of cement crushed your right leg, and you were out, we all thought you wouldn't wake up."_

"_Where is she? Tell me Momo-senpai, where is she?"_

"_Echizen—."_

"_She was there beside you Echizen, you were still holding her hand when the rescuers found you. She was embracing you actually."_

"_Is she here in the hospital as well Eiji-senpai?"_

"_She—."_

"_The piece of cement, no, actually it was part of the building wall, that was crushing your leg, it—."_

"_What? It what Momo-senpai?"_

"_It crushed her chest. She's dead Echizen."_

No matter how many times I play it in my head, I can't remember what happened. It's like my mind is blocking out the moment of her death. She died in my arms. Was she protecting me? She didn't have to protect me? I should be the one who protected her. Is she really gone?

Was that the reason why I didn't want her out of my sight? Was that why I danced with her like it was the last night of the world?

I can still hear the music. I can still see her face. I can still feel the kiss. I can still feel her hands.

I waited too long.

I waited too long and now she's gone.

**-oOo-**

**I was seriously tempted to make this a happy ending, but, NO, it would defeat the purpose of the collection if Echizen had a happy ending! *insert evil laugh here***

**A plea to all the RyoSaku fans out there…PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! (O_O)**

**Credits to NewSlove for the idea on how Sakuno died in this chapter. Thanks so much for the regular review and the so many different ideas you gave me.**


	13. Momo-chan-senpai

**Something I'll Never Know Series: Chapter 13: Momo-chan-senpai**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**In Loving Memory of a Special Friend with "special needs".**

**-oOo-**

Everyone thought that the girl that would make him cry was Tachibana Ann. For years, they've shared a friendship that can only be described as mutual. In social gatherings, one would often find them to be each other's date. Momo is often heard talking to Ann over his cell phone even at work. And every one thought, for sure, it'll be Momo and Ann forever. Until today.

"E?"

"Don't look so surprised Eiji-senpai."

"Demo, Momo, when we received the invitation to come over for a celebration, we thought it was for you."

"I thought you would Oishi-senpai."

"Momo, explain yourself."

"Ma, ma, Fuji-senpai, relax, you'll all understand soon."

"You could have at least told us clearly, I even got you and Ann this really nice silver wear for the engagement party."

"That's really thoughtful of you Inui-senpai, demo, I hope you didn't have our name engraved on that because it's not my name she'll be dragging along for the rest of her life."

"E? And you're okay with this Momo-senpai?"

"But of course Echizen, as long as my best friend is happy."

"Demo Momo-senpai, I'm your best friend."

"Good point Echizen, but having my best friend spending more time on the other side of the world. I had to have a best friend who was close by."

"I thought Kaidoh-senpai played that part."

"Kora Echizen!"

"Ma, ma, Kaidoh, relax, relax!"

"So, who are we celebrating exactly Momo?"

"they'll be arriving in a few minutes Taka-san."

"Can't be helped them, sa, minna, let's all cheer for Ann and whoever it is that she got engaged to."

"Ah! They're here!"

"E? Kamio?"

He was that nice of a guy, going to the trouble of even setting up an engagement party for Ann and Kamio. It didn't hurt him one bit, not even a smudge of jealousy could be traced on his face all night long. He happily mingled, chatting, laughing, drinking and cracking jokes. Just the usual jolly Momoshiro Takeshi. Although, there was one unusual and off habit gesture that he had been doing all night. A gesture that no one really noticed, except, Echizen, and well, maybe Fuji, after all he is a tensai.

The night flew by so quickly, everyone left for their own little lives, back to their own little worlds. Being the host of the celebration he stayed behind, thanked the staff of the bar for assisting in the celebration before heading off to his car. He struggles to find his keys from his pocket, and manages to drop almost all its contents before finally finding them. He rushes to open his car, start the engine and drive off, unknown to a shadow stalking in the dark.

He was quick to turn to an alley, another street and into a curb. He rushed to get out of his car and run towards a dainty and quiet single storey structure painted white on the outside with brown gates that seem to purposely serve only as a property line rather than keeping out anyone or anything from the premises.

He rushes to a familiar room and quickly opens the door; the same humming sound could be heard. The tuning of the clock's hands hastened his heartbeat. So he quickly grabs a chair, takes off his coat and settles himself. He inhaled deeply, closes his eyes and slowly exhales; when he opened his eyes, he had the same cheerful and welcoming smile plastered on his lips.

"O genki desu ka? I hope your day was peaceful. As you already know, I threw an engagement party for Ann and Kamio today, everyone was there! The Seigaku guys all came, even Echizen, you remember Echizen right? My best friend. He still has a limp when walking from the earthquake mishap last year, but he's recovered well. So, Tachibana-san thanked me for throwing the party for Ann and Kamio. I was so happy when he personally came over to shake my hand and thank me. Imagine that, Fudoumine's former buchou shaking my hands to thank me? Ma, he's after all at the same level as Tezuka-buchou. Sa, here I go again, telling you about my day. Tell me about yours."

He goes on through the night, listening, telling stories, pretending that everything was alright. Like he has been for the past week. He didn't care if people thought he was crazy, he didn't mind if an occasional person would peak and look at him in a strange manner. Because within the walls of that room, he didn't mind the world outside.

The both hands of the clock are at twelve, he would plant his lips on a cold, firm, surface. Return the chair to its place on the corner, grab his coat and wear it. Smile one last time and stare.

"Ja, na. I'll see you tomorrow."

As he walks out of that room, friendly faces greet him goodbye, they remind him to be careful driving home; and he returns greetings with a friendly wave and smile. And so another day is over for him, he goes back to his car and drives home, his real home. The city light seemed so dim to him each night, and they seem to get dimmer every day. Well, after all, technically its morning.

He arrives. He parks his car in the usual spot, grabs his house keys and opens his door. He browses through the mail scattered on the floor, a few bills, some offers for some shops, nothing interesting at the most. So he goes straight to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. Nothing. He remembers he hasn't done any grocery shopping this week; he was so busy juggling so much that he forgot to buy food for himself. So he grabs the carton of milk and drinks straight from it, why bother to get a glass.

He takes off his shoes and socks and rests himself on the sofa. Lifts up his feet on the center table and takes off his jacket, loosens a few buttons from his shirt and removes his belt. He reaches for the remote and turns the TV on. Nothing was on, naturally, is was almost one in the morning, except for some repeated cable shows. He turns it off and throws his head back; he stares at his ceiling and sighs. Because truthfully, he hates going home; at home, he's alone, no one to mingle with, no one to laugh with, no one to share jokes with. At home, everything sinks in to his brain. At home, he realizes the reality that he must face; a reality that he refuses to accept. Until, he finally falls asleep.

He opens his eyes and realizes that today was the most important day of his life. He twists his neck and feels his muscles cramping from the poor sleeping position he has been all night. He makes a mental note to not sit on the couch when arriving late at home, go straight to bed, it's more comfortable there. He forces himself up and head straight to the bathroom.

"_Sugoi."_

"_E? Momo-senpai, you're the one who's really good at sports."_

"_How many times have I told you, you can just call me Momo-chan."_

"_Iie, iie, iie, you're older than me, and you coach the tennis team; it's either that or Momo-sensei."_

"_Nani? Don't even dare to call me sensei! Momo-chan, or I tell your coach to suspend you from the track team."_

"_That's unfair!"_

"_So, what do you call me?"_

"_Momo-chan…senpai!"_

"_Mou!"_

He turns the shower off and grabs his towel, dries off any excess water and rushes to find something decent from his closet. He realizes he has a few clean clothes left and makes a mental note to do the laundry as soon as possible; before he ends up reusing his clothes. He rushes to get to his car and decides to just stop over somewhere for breakfast.

"_Momo-chan-senpai!"_

"_Date-chan, I already told you, Momo-chan is just fine."_

"_Ma, ma, here."_

"_O? What's this?"_

"_Breakfast."_

"_E?"_

"_Sato-san told me you that you always skip breakfast when you come in late for training."_

"_E? Sato-san said that."_

"_It's not good if the coach himself gets sick you know."_

"_A, sou dane, arigato gozaimasu."_

"_Dou iteshimasite. Ja, I'll be returning to the track."_

He parks his car and grabs the paper bag from the passenger seat, he rushes to another familiar building. He enters the same door that he enters for the past four years, the same chimes ring as he does, the same warm friendly faces greet him. But today it seemed no matter how happy this place was, it was overshadowed by a cloud of despair. Because despite the exchange of smiles from everyone, they all knew what today was.

"_Ano, Date-chan, do you think your parents would mind, if, ano—we, uhm."_

"_Dou shita Momo-chan-senpai?"_

"_Momo-chan, please, please, please, just Momo-chan."_

"_I'm just teasing. Iiyo, what do you want to ask about my parents, Momo-chan?"_

"_Do you think they'll mind if we eat out some time?"_

"_Eat out?"_

"_Hai."_

"_As in just you and me?"  
_

"_Hai."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Hai."  
_

"_What about Tachibana-san?"_

"_Mou, you know there's nothing between Ann-chan and me."_

"_Hontouni? I could swear you two look like an authentic couple."_

"_Demo, we're not. Kamio will probably kill me when he gets back."_

"_Who's Kamio?"_

"_Ann-chan's boyfriend."_

"_Oh."_

"_So, can you eat out with me some time?"  
_

"_Where's Kamio-san?"_

"_He's deployed abroad, work related, why are we even talking about them? You're avoiding my question."_

"_Ask my parents first."_

"_E?"_

He sits at his desk trying his best to keep busy as always, to make this day as normal as it could be. But the memories surrounding him could not let him just breathe like he usually would. So he locks the door so no one would come in and just lets it all out, he couldn't scream because people would definitely come running, but he could cry. He could cry until there was no tears left, until all he had left was his smile.

"_Momo-chan."_

"_Hai?"_

"_I want to meet them."_

"_Who?"_

"_The Seigaku regulars that you keep talking about. And Hyotei boys as well."_

"_Hontou?"_

"_Hai. You talk about them, like they're this really nice bunch of guys. Given the occasional arrogance and silliness. But I want to meet them. Especially Echizen-kun, not because he's a famous tennis player, because Tezuka-san is famous too, but because he's your best friend."_

"_Sou dane. Well, at Ann-chan's engagement party ne, I'll introduce you to them."_

"_Hontouni?"_

"_Hai. It's about time they meet my girl anyway."_

A knock on his door snaps him back to reality. He opens it and a young man reminds him that it was time to go. He goes and grab his car keys and steps out of his office. He was the last to get into his car, everyone else had left the parking space, so her turns the ignition and drives away, back to that familiar place.

"_Gomennasai, Momo-chan."_

"_What are you apologizing for? It's not your fault you got sick."_

"_Hai. You think I'll be better by the time the engagement party come? Because I really want to meet all of them."_

"_You'll be perfectly healthy by then."_

Everyone gathered outside that familiar room, quietly praying for a miracle. Each pair of eyes follow him as he walks into the room. A pair of sturdy arms pulls him to a tight embrace, followed by a pair of gentle arms that does the same. Words were spoken, but none of them really made sense to him. None of them really mattered at all.

Time passed and they all waited. He was left alone. Every one decided to wait outside. It felt empty without the humming sound. Yet at the same time, it felt deafening with just the beeping sound. He grabs the same chair and adjusts it position like he always does, he removes his jacket before settling down like he always does. He breathes deeply and closes his eyes like he always does. Then finally, exhales, he wanted to smile like he always does, but today, no matter how hard he forced it, he just couldn't.

The clicking of the clock deafened him, more than the irritating beeping sound, he missed the humming sound somehow. He tried to open his mouth, but nothing would come out, so he just sits there and stares. Until he hears the door open.

"About time Echizen."

"E? How'd you know it was me?"

"You've been stalking me since last night."

"E? You saw me?"

"Calm Insight Echizen, have you forgotten?"

"Che."

"Come closer."

"Why have you been keeping this to your self Momo-senpai?"

"Ne, Se-chan, I'd like you to meet my best friend, Echizen Ryoma. Echizen, meet my girl, Date Setsuko."

"Pleasure to finally meet the real girl who took my Momo-senpai's breathe away."

"She sure did."

They both sit there in the room, quiet. No other words were spoken, and no one left. Until one long and final beep. He stood up from the chair and gentle presses his lips on hers, one final caress on her face, one final whisper.

"Ja na, I'll see you tomorrow."

Gently he lets go of her body, and steps out of the room where so many have been waiting. He nods his head to all of them, to convey a silent message. He walks towards the door with his best friend lagging behind him. They reach the parking lot before his best friend grabs his arm.

"Momo-senpai, you don't want to go home right now. Come with me, we'll go get something to eat. Like old times."

He smirks and nods before following his best friend to his car, he'll just have his otouto pick up his car from the parking lot, after all this was a place he didn't want to come back to for now. He sits on the passenger side and just lets his best friend take the wheel.

"Why'd you keep it from us?"

"I didn't."

"We all assumed it was Tachibana's imouto that you were dating all these years."

"That's exactly it, you just assumed."

"How long have you been together? You and Date-san."

"Two years."

"Oh, just recent."

"Hai."

"Where did you meet?"

"Work."

"She's—."

"She's what?"

"Betsuni."

"Say it."

"Never mind Momo-senpai, let's just forget about it."

"She has Down's Syndrome. That's what you wanted to say right? What you wanted to ask? How could we have worked at work, when she has Down's Syndrome? Right?"

"Gomen Momo-senpai, I didn't mean to imply anything."

"She was a former member of the track team for the Special Olympics. She's about your age, she's actually smart, despite her condition. When she stopped competing, she helped to run the track team, encourage the kids, especially those like her."

"She must be really special."

"Echizen, a person's heart if more important than the outward appearance."

"Aa."

"When, Ryuuzaki-san died in that Earthquake a year ago, I never saw you cry. I know you loved her, and that you miss her every day. Demo, Echizen, how do you remember her?"

"E? What do you mean how do I remember her?"

"When you think of her, what do you think of?"

"Regrets mostly. Of how I waited too long before admitting anything to her. Of not being able to hold her in my arms anymore."

"I remember Se-chan as a girl running on the track, giving her heart out, aiming for victory. I remember her as the girl who kept a smile on her face even in defeat. I remember Se-chan as the girl I fell in love with three years ago."

"E? Momo-senpai, you said you've been together only two years?"

"The first year I knew her, was when I fell in love with her. Her and her pure heart."

"Why didn't you take her with you when we have gathering or stuffs?"

"She didn't want to. She wanted to meet you guys, but she wanted a private meeting. I finally convinced her to come to Ann-chan's engagement party two weeks ago so she can meet you guys."

"What happened?"

"She had pneumonia last week. Her condition made it more complicated."

"Sou dane."

"She was getting better. Her cough was steadily getting better, she wasn't having fevers anymore. Then, we don't know what happened, one day she just, crashed, and everything went south from there."

"There were so many people back there."

"People from work, her friends and family."

"How did they know, that it was today?"

"Before everything went bad, Se-chan gave the doctors her orders, that if anything bad happens to her, they should try and revive her, but if after seven days, no signs of improvement is noted, and any form of life support would only delay the time of her death, then it should be taken away."

"Momo-senpai."

"Today was the seventh day, and the ventilator was removed earlier. When you came in, she has been scarcely breathing on her own and her heartbeat has been steadily going down. We were just waiting."

They sat there, quiet. Breathing in and out without a muscle as much as twitching. Feeling for someone to say something.

"Echizen."

"Hmn?"

"Don't be afraid to love again."

"E?"

"Those her last words to me before she crashed."

"Sou dane."

"Don't be afraid to love again."

Sometimes love comes in packages we least expect. People will judge and laugh and criticize. Some will find the different irrational and unacceptable. Some will understand. Some will simply passively let it slip. Love was never meant to shame anyone, it never meant to hurt or deceive. Love is not blind, it just sees beyond the superficial.

**-oOo-**

**This Chapter was written to raise awareness about Trisonomy 21 or Down's Syndrome.**

**Down's Syndrome is the most common chromosomal abnormality in humans. Although most people with Down's syndrome have intellectual limitation, some can actually attend regular schools and participate in regular activities with other kids. The life span for people with Down's Syndrome have increased over the years, however, other congenital defects and systemic infections may shorten their lifespan.**

**These people we consider to have special needs are actually just like us, they too know how to laugh, how to cry, how to love. They live their lives the best way they could, the same way we do ours. They do not need pity or ridicule, they need acceptance and support, a cheering friend who will stay by their side and say "Ganbatte!", a friend who believes in them and love them, no matter what.**

**Calm Insight is one of Momoshiro's special "moves", he developed it while training in the mountain with Kawamura before the Nationals; he used it against Oshitari in their S3 Match during the Nationals.**


	14. Jirou's Wakeup Call

**Something I'll Never Know Series: Chapter 14: Jirou's Wake-up Call**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**-oOo-**

He rubbed his eyes as the rays of the sun blinded him from the open window of his room. Lazily he stretched his arms upward and yawns. He blinks a few times before he shuts his eyes again while sited on his bed. He was about to doze off again when his head bobbed and he realized he was late for work. So he hurried to get out of bed and into the shower, grabbed the first thing he saw from his dresser and started looking for his car keys. He was frantically searching when he realized he didn't have one.

"_You can't be driving a car on your own, not after this."_

"_I didn't mean to doze off behind the wheel."_

"_Even so! Best be thankful you only had scratches, and that no one else was injured."_

"_How am I going to get to work then?"_

"_Take the bus, or if I'm around I'll pick you up."_

"_I'm not a kid."_

"_Well, you sure act like one."_

"_Mou!"_

"_Your car keys are confiscated until further notice."_

"_Demo, how about when you're not here?"_

"_I'll arrange for someone to do the job."_

He frowns a bit at the memory of how his car keys were confiscated. It has been a while since he drove a car on his own, since he was either in a hyperactive state or sleeping, never in between. So he grabs his suitcase and walks out the front door, one thing he never forgets is to lock his door. Well, at least after he accidentally left it open one day and came home to an empty house since he was robbed. Can you really blame the robbers when he left it unlocked and wide open, it was like his house was shouting 'my owner is not home, rob me!'.

He stood at the curb and checked the time, he was surely late, and he was sure he missed his morning service to work. That was until his phone rang, it was his pompous boss and former buchou. It seems the service which was arranged for him by that long time friend was not available today, so his other long time friend, Ore-sama, will be sending a limousine to pick him up, else he take the bus and end up later than he already was. So patiently he waits for that long, black, shinny limo to park itself in front of him. He gets on and looks out the window thinking he wanted a nice slice of red velvet cake, but it was too early for that, he hadn't even drank his morning coffee yet. He thought about stopping over a familiar sweets shop where a familiar acrobatic team mate would surely hand him a piece of the red velvet cake he was longing for. But he was pretty sure that his former buchou gave specific instruction to the limo driver to take him directly to work, no stop over, not even if he begged. So he sighs and slouched on the smooth leather seat cover and dozes off.

The front door man shook him vigorously as he felt the limo was already at a halt and the door was swung open, how long have they been parked in front of the entrance of that empire? He scratched his head and apologizes to the front door man whom he knows so well, having worked in that empire for so long. He walks in and the lobbyist greets him with a cheerful smile, he was late, very late; yet no one dared to raise an eyebrow at him. Because everyone loved him, and find his narcoleptic episode quite amusing and adorable, weird as it may seem, but they do. So he gets on that elevator where he is greeted by the same familiar face of the operator who was quick to press the button for the sixteenth floor where he works, he turned his head to look for that brown-haired counter-puncher team mate that he was so used to see, then he remembered, he was late today, so he was probably in his office already.

"Ano, Akutagawa-sama, are you looking for Shishido-sama?"

"Hmn."

"He and Atobe-sama went to court today, about some unsettled finances that the Sankatsu Corporation owes Atobe Corporation."

"Is that so?"

He leans on the elevator wall and realizes just how transparent his facial reactions were that even the elevator operator would know what he was thinking. He felt sad for some reason, knowing that his two friends were out of the office today, he felt something was missing. He was quick to get off the elevator, turned and bowed to thank the operator. He walked slowly to his office where he was greeted by his secretary, holding a plate of sweets and a mug of coffee, saying that his acrobatic friend from middle school sent him the regular breakfast pack from his sweets and pastry shop to keep him going at least until lunch. He smiled knowing that his friends really knew him well, they could almost read his mind it's scary at times, but he was thankful having friends like them. Although admittedly he knew he did not appreciate them as much verbally, or he did not show it that often how important they were to him.

"_Here."_

"_What are these, season limited salted caramel puffs."_

"_E? Hontouni? Aren't these—."_

"_Hai."_

"_Nande?"_

"_Eto, I'm going to be sent abroad by the company I'm working for, my contract is for two years."_

"_E? How about Nomiko-chan?"_

"_She knows. And we've already talked about it."_

"_Demo, how can you stay away from her that long? If it were me, I'd probably break down in an instance."_

"_Jirou, I told you we've talked about it already, Nomiko understands the situation, after all, she about to get a promotion at work and she's going to be really busy the next few months herself."_

"_Aren't you going to miss her?"_

"_I miss her everyday Jirou, every second we're not together I miss her."_

"_Is that why you bought these?"  
_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_It's like you're saying goodbye."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_You say it like it's okay to be far from the person you love, then, you give your best friend something that is memorable. It's like you're never coming back."_

"_Stop saying such silly things Jirou, of course we'll see each other again, it'll take a while, but we'll definitely see each other again. And we'll hang out like we always do."_

"_You're only saying that."_

He wish he didn't argue, he wished he believed, he wish he didn't insist on what he thought was right. Maybe if he just believed things would be different, may he wouldn't be feeling alone. So he keeps himself busy and tries to do his job the best he could. He felt his head beginning to bob a little, he was feeling sleepy, and he would doze off any second now, so he takes a sip of the coffee in his mug, just to keep him going a little bit more.

For some reason he kept looking at his watch, he was never that particular about the time, maybe because he would doze off at different times that he wouldn't really notice whether it was noon, afternoon, night time or if it was the wee hours of the night. He had someone who kept him in track of time, someone who woke him up in the morning, made sure he kept awake at work. Someone who use to be so close to him, but was now so far, oceans away far; and he regrets every moment that passed that he wasted.

"_Oi, Jirou, what are you still doing here?"  
_

"_Working."_

"_Atobe gave you the day off didn't he?"_

"_Ano, hai, demo, there was a lot I needed to finish."_

"_You can finish that tomorrow. Isn't today when—."_

"_Hai, hai, hai. Let's not talk about that."_

"_Did you two have a fight or something."_

"_I'm not the one leaving my best friend and girl friend behind for a job."_

"_Oi, Jirou, it's not like he meant to leave you guys behind intentionally. It's just that his job required him to go."_

"_He could refuse."_

"_He could get fired."_

"_Whatever."_

"_Stop being so stubborn, his girl friend understood the situation, why can't you?"_

"_Nomiko-chan's job can send her to where he is, and they can still be together."_

"_So tell Atobe you want to go there too, I'm sure he'd oblige to send you to one of his company's branches there."_

"_What for?"_

"_Ah, you're being stubborn. You're like the girl friend."_

"_Oi!"_

"_That's why you get teased, because you act that way."_

"_I act the same with you and Gakuto, and Atobe. I have this attachment to my closest friends."_

"_I noticed."_

"_I don't like goodbyes."_

"_It's not goodbye, it's just, 'see you later', just for a while."_

"_How can you be so calm about this? After what happened to—."_

"_Cheiko?"_

"_Gomennasai."_

"_When Cheiko left to do her job, I didn't want her to go. But I never stopped showing her how much I loved her. Before she left, I hugged her and kissed and her, and told her how much I love her, how I will be waiting for her to return, because when she does, I will marry her."_

"_Demo, she didn't return. Not alive at least."_

"_And I don't regret anything Jirou, because even if Cheiko died, I know she died knowing how important she was to me."_

"_But it's different, she was your fiancé."_

"_And he's your best friend."_

He shuts his eyes, but somehow, sleep was not his purpose. He wanted to forget his stupidity, he wished he could turn back the hands of time to the day he left. He wished he hadn't been stubborn and went to the airport to see him off, maybe shake his hands, hug him like the brother he was, and maybe even buy him some season limited salted caramel puffs as a going away present. He wished he was there to see him off, promise him that he would take good care of him girlfriend while he was away, keep her safe. Say things that a best friend would say. But regret creeps its way when all things had been done, done wrong, and you wish there was a way to turn it right. But you're not always given the opportunity to turn it right, and you end up with nothing but regret.

He walks out of his office with nothing but desperation to undo what he had done, or in this case, what he hadn't done. He searches for something, anything that would give him a sign that there was still hope. But all he could see was the loneliness of his their office walls. He goes to proceed to the pantry, a place he often falls asleep at, commonly on the floor, just around the same time that his brown-haired counter-puncher friend would go to take a break and often stumble on him causing the coffee in his hand to spill on the floor. He would often find coffee stain on his shirt because of that mess, he had a difficult time getting the stain off when he washed it, but he treasured it, because it built memories that he treasured, memories of his friendships.

"_Ne Jirou, Arigato."_

"_Nande?"_

"_For being a great best friend to me all these years."_

"_You say it like you're leaving me or something."_

"_Iie. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate our friendship. Even if we come from rival schools, it never stopped us from being friends. And although you still hadn't beaten me in tennis, you certainly beat me in eating contests."_

"_What's that? Are you mocking me?"_

"_Iie, iie, Jirou-kun, I want you to be the best man in my wedding."_

"_E? Are you proposing to Nomiko-chan?"_

"_Aa. When she gets the promotion she's been waiting for, I'm going to make that day extra special by proposing to her."_

"_Sugoi Marui-kun! Sugoi!"_

"_Oi, oi! Yamero! You're ruining my shirt. Jirou!"_

A tear makes its way from his eyes, a rare thing for the hyperactive narcoleptic. He was seriously looking forward to the wedding, he thought, he would be the best, best man ever. But now he wonders, will it ever happen, after the fight, after the stubbornness he showed him. After letting him go without even saying as much as 'see you again soon". He pretends not to know the answer to the question, when he truly knows. It was difficult to accept the truth, and although he wants to live in the dream that everything was alright, he knew that the reality he must face, no matter how painful it was better than pretending and living in a dream.

"Jirou."

"Hmn?"

"We're back."

"Aa."

"We made it just in time."

"Sou dane."

"Time to go Jirou."

"I know."

"It won't get any easier Jirou, might as well face it."

"Hai, hai."

"Atobe already has the limousine up front, the rest of the gang are already waiting down stairs."

"I'll follow you down, go on ahead."

"I know you won't get your butt off that chair if I don't wait for you."

"Ryo—."

"I'm waiting."

"Fine. I'm standing up now."

"Hurry up."

The reality he must face was too painful, because his best friend was gone; and he could never have him back. But having other friends around somehow eased the burden he must carry.

"_Akutagawa-kun."_

"_Jackal-kun, nande?"_

"_Ano, it's about Marui."_

"_Nande?"_

"_We just heard from his family."_

"_What happened?"_

"_He, he and Nomiko-chan—."_

As they made their way to meet up with the others, their Seigaku friends, his best friend's team mates, other people who cared for his best friend as much as he did.

"_There was a fire in the hotel he and Nomiko-chan were staying in. They got trapped."_

He kept trying to erase the phone call from his head, he kept saying that it was all a dream, a nightmare that will be over when he wakes up. He started to blame his narcolepsy, he started to blame himself. He started thinking that things would be different if he did what he didn't.

"_They didn't survive."_

As the limousine came to a halt, his team mates began to get off. But he sort of froze in his seat. He didn't know whether his body stopped working, or it had been disconnected to his brain, or his brain ceased to function all together. Outside he saw familiar faces, the stoic buchou from Seigaku was talking to the stoic fukubuchou from his best friend's team. His former buchou and now boss was talking to the blue-haired buchou from his best friend's tennis team. They were all there, supporting each other, making strong the bonds of their friendship. If only he had done the same, if only he reached out, if only he was not so stubborn to call him and say 'hi', to ask him how he was doing.

"_Why didn't you see him off Jirou?"_

"_Stop asking me things like that Atobe."_

"_Jirou, he'll be gone for two years."_

"_Stop reminding me."_

"_He's your best friend."_

He forces himself out of the limousine to join the others, each one staring at him with pity in their eyes. A pity he did not need, or so he thought.

"_Akutagawa-kun, the remains will be flown in on Thursday, will you be coming with us to pay our respect to both of them?"_

Slowly he made his way to the front of the crowd, he stood beside the half-Brazilian ex-doubles partner of his best friend as they waited for the coffin which were carried towards them, two lonely boxes slowly making its way towards them.

"_Jirou-kun, I'll be leaving to see him tomorrow. Just for a vacation. Is there anything you want me to say to him? Maybe give him something?"_

"_Iie. Just take care of yourself going there Nomiko-chan."_

"_Are you sure Jirou-kun? You two haven't talked to each other in a while."_

"_Daijabou Nomiko-chan."_

He was not okay, he never was, ever since he stopped talking to his best friend for the stupidest reason ever. He wanted to be, but he couldn't. He kept saying to himself that everything will be fine, that this was not happening. But the truth was, it was, and no matter how many times he says otherwise, it won't change the fact that his best friend was gone.

"They said the coffin can't be opened, because their bodies were badly burned in the fire."

"Sou dane."

"I know you would have wanted to see him, even for the last time, didn't you Akutagawa-kun?"

"Maybe."

"Hmn."

"Arigato for telling me, Jackal-kun."

"You were Marui's best friend. You deserved to know, even if you were not talking to each other the last few months. You were still his best friend, he told me so himself, the last time we talked."

He stared at the half-Brazilian standing beside him, as his best friend's coffin was laid before them. Because deep inside him, he knew, Marui Bunta will always be his best friend. He was with the woman he loved when he died, and his only regret was, that he was not able to say what he wanted to say, what he needed to say. So maybe today, even if he won't hear him anymore, he would still say it to him.

"Marui-kun—Gomennasai...For everything you've done for me, for everything you've given me, for being my best friend...Arigato gozaimashita."

He brushes his hands on his best friend's closed coffin, and feels warm tears flowing from his eyes. Today he woke up, to the reality of life. It was short, and precious, too short in fact, to waste on stubborn pride. He knew he was a narcoleptic, and he needed a wakeup call; but he never thought the person who patiently woke him up in the mornings to get him to work, would be the same person who would wake him up to the harsh reality of life.

**-oOo-**

**Gomennasai for the long overdue for this update, was busy with a lot of things lately.**

**So just three more characters in the list and the series will be over, sadly, three characters that I find so difficult to make tragedies for...since I've managed to make their lives so happy. But I'll figure things out don't worry.**

**By the way, sorry I killed Marui =) He'll be back to life in the other fiction for Rikkai.**


	15. Oishi's Christmas Miracle

**Something I'll Never Know Series: Chapter 15: Oishi's Christmas Miracle**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**This will be short. I don't want to torture Oishi that much.:-P**

**-oOo-**

"_Everything's ready Shuichiro, ike?"_

"_Hai."_

"_You look very happy."_

"_Hai, because today I get to meet the second most beautiful lady of my life."_

He wished it was yesterday, back to the Tennis' Prince's birthday get together. Because he was happier then; because his life was filled with color yesterday; because each breathe he took was life filling the day before. Because today all he could hear was white noise and all he could feel was empty winter wind blowing in his face. He was surrounded with friends and loved ones, but somehow he could not hear the carols being sung in the air, the dancing lights were all black and white. Even the warm cup of coffee in his hands seemed cold as the snow falling from the sky. It was Christmas, it was suppose to be a happy day.

"_Sayuri, daijabu desu ka?"_

"_Ano, hai."_

"_What are you hiding behind your back?"_

"_Betsuni."_

"_Sayuri."_

"_Eto, Shuichiro, can you wait until you get home tonight? Then I promise to tell you."_

"_E?"_

"_Just wait until tonight, iiyo?"_

He could play back the moment he first heard the news a thousand, even a million times in his head like it just happened. He could remember the details. What she wore, what was prepared on the table, what song was playing, how the words came out of her lips, every twitch of every muscle in his body as his wife's voice echoed in his ears. He could reconstruct every minor detail of that day, except one aspect. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the joy he felt in his heart at that moment back. He tried forcing his facial muscle to twitch into a smile, but he just couldn't, no matter how desperately he tried.

"_I'm pregnant!"_

"_E?"_

"_You always had that worried look on your face."_

"_Sumimasen."_

"_It's alright, even before we were friends you've always had that look in your face."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You have that look that says you care for the people you love, and you best express that love by worrying for their welfare."_

"_You really interpreted it that way? You're truly something special Sayuri."_

"_Not as special as you Shuichiro."_

He wonders where that look has gone. And what look he walked around with today. Has he become a totally different person in a matter of hours, in a day, in a flash of life? He lifts his eyes to the night sky and gently closes his eyes as the snowflakes brush his cheeks. He wanted to fall asleep and just forget about everything that had happened, but every time he closed his eyes, he could see the flashing lights, his body goes numb, his heart starts racing, his mind goes blank, and he feels empty and lost.

"_Sayuri, why do you keep kissing me every chance you get?"_

"_I don't want to miss the chance."_

"_You know, I won't be able to drive properly if you keep stealing a kiss."_

"_It's just on the cheek."_

"_And why do you keep staring at me?"_

"_I'm pretty sure, she looks like you."_

"_I was kind of hoping she looked like you."_

"_I'm confident that she has my eyes."_

"_I'm confident that she had your kindness as well."_

"_If kindness is the measure of her beauty, then I want her to have your kindness Shuichiro."_

"_I think she'll be prettier if she had both."_

"_Ashitemasu, Oishi Shuichiro."_

"_Ashiteru, Oishi Sayuri."_

His eyes well up with tears as he watches a few of his colleagues pass by. A fact that he didn't need reminding of right now, but a fact that he could never change. He brushes his bruised hands on his pants to warm them up a little when he felt a pair of mittens hit his arm.

"Wear them, unless you want your hands to freeze."

"Eiji."

"Wear then Oishi, its cold enough as it is."

He stares at the red head sitting beside him. He wishes himself back to the middle school they all loved, a place where he met the best set of friends any one could ever ask for. Somewhere he was carefree and focused all at once. Back to a world where their lives revolved around getting good grades and tennis, well, mostly tennis. He wanted the smile back, he wanted the gentle fukubuchou back, he wanted himself back. Because right at that moment, sitting in that bench, beside his best friend and doubles partner, was a totally different person.

"I don't have the perfect words to say to you Oishi."

"Eiji."

"You know that I'm not very good with giving advice or stuffs like that."

"You don't have to say anything."

"But I do, I do Oishi, and I just want to say to you, no matter what happens, I'm just right here—."

"We all are."

He lifts his face to the source of the voice, only to find a group of people standing with teary eyes and a forced smile. The stoic buchou nodded, the smiling tensai patted his shoulder, the data man sighed and forced to widen his smile, the burning power player handed him a scarf, the bandana wearing counter-puncher handed him a new cup of warm coffee, the younger power player forced a cap on his head, and the tennis price sat on his other side and nodded at him. Truly his family was there, no matter how alone he felt, he was never truly alone.

"_Ano, Sayuri-chan, I really, really, really like you, please go out with me!"_

"_Oishi-kun, you didn't have to shout it to the whole office."_

"_Ah! Gomen."_

"_Demo, hai."_

"_E?"_

"_Hai."_

"_Hontouni?"_

There was someone waiting for him, but right now, this was where he wanted to be. Outside, in the cold, with his family. Even if it was just a way to delay the reality that he refused to face. Although each of them wanted to say something, they all knew there was nothing to be said; because not one of them knew what words should be said. But there was another friend who knew perfectly what to say, but until he comes, they were just going to sit there, in silence.

"_Merry Christmas Sayuri."_

"_Merry—."_

"_Sayuri, daijabou?"_

"_I think I'm going into labor."_

Today was Christmas, it was suppose to be happy, and it was suppose to be doubly happy, but like a shadow casted on the wall at night, it has turned cold and confusing. From a distance he saw several shadows coming their way, prominent was the figure heading towards them first; but unlike on ordinary days, the smirk on his face was nowhere in sight, his sharp arrogant eyes were filled with concern and worry. He once had those eyes, those were the eyes that everyone saw in him. Where has those eyes gone?

"_C-Can you please keep her there a little while longer, I—I just can't—Not just yet."_

In the middle of a cold winter night, he found himself alone with the pompous buchou from a former rival school, sitting outside a place he now both loves and hate altogether. Because even if he understood the very thin line between living and dying, between living dead and dying full of life, right now, his senses seem to have evaded him. Right now his dreams have turned into a nightmare that doesn't seem to have an end.

"I know, I'm not the person you would like to talk to right now."

He blankly stares at the snowflakes falling to the ground.

"And maybe you don't actually consider me a friend or anything close to that."

He blinks a few times as the cold winter wind blew in his face.

"But I'm someone who had been where you are right now, and although the circumstance maybe different, it is somehow still the same."

He bows his head and sighs.

"When I lost my wife and children in that place crash, my world became confusing. I understand how much it hurts Oishi. I've been there, going in and out of regret. Blaming myself for what happened. Hating the fact that I was still alive and they were not."

He glances over at the proud figure sitting beside him.

"It still comes. Sometimes, I remember and miss them so much that I wish I could join them in the afterlife. Demo—I know that they would be so mad at me, if I didn't live my life, because I still have a chance to live."

And after all the emptiness and confusion in his mind, he finally shed a tear.

"I was left alone Oishi—everything was taken from me, demo, instead of growing bitter and cynical, I grew stronger and lived the way I knew they would be proud of."

He finally felt the pain. He finally felt the reality.

"She's gone Oishi, being bitter and blaming yourself for not being able to save her won't bring her back to life."

He finally heard the words that has been repeatedly said to him, he finally understood what it meant.

"But she left you with something special—."

He was a doctor, and he had saved so many lives; but the life he wished to so much to save, he couldn't. After the blankness of his mind, he finally saw clearly; because sometimes, tears didn't cloud ones vision, instead, tears cleared the fog that overshadowed his vision.

"_Sayuri."_

"_Shuichiro, I can't breathe."_

"_The car door is crushing your chest, Sayuri, hang on, help is on the way."_

"_Shuichiro, our baby—save our baby."_

"_I'll save you both."_

"_Save her Shuichiro."_

In a matter of seconds, the blurry memory of his Christmas morning became clear to him.

"_We need to go into emergency C-Section Oishi-sensei, please sign the consent."_

"_Ikumi-sensei, my wife."_

"_Oishi-sensei, we'll try our best. Now go have yourself checked as well."_

"_These are just bruises, I need to be with Sayuri."_

"_Oishi-sensei, the more we argue here, the more time I lose in trying to save Sayuri-san and your daughter's life."_

And like a spring that welled up endlessly were his eyes.

"_Sayuri-san, her body was too weak, from the exhaustion of labor, the trauma of the crash, gomennasai Oishi-sensei, we couldn't—we tried our best."_

"_Sayuri."_

He felt the warm hands of the narcissistic buchou on his shoulder, and his words kept echoing in his ears.

"Oishi, I was left with nothing but memories. Sayuri-chan left you with a chance to live—you can't save Sayuri-chan, but you can still save your daughter. Ike, Oishi, ike and save your daughter."

He felt his feet moving, until he was flying. He felt his heart beating again, like a leaf revitalized by the Spring sun.

"_We need to keep her in the Neonatal ICU for now, until she's stable enough."_

"_C-Can you please keep her there a little while longer, I—I just can't—Not just yet."_

He felt his heart beating faster, and faster, and faster, until he felt tiny hands grasping at her finger.

"She's doing well, Oishi-sensei. I'm sure you'll be able to bring her home in no time."

He nods and felt the twitching of his face, until he realized, he was smiling. On that cold Christmas evening, he was lost, then, he was found. And like a mirage he saw her face smiling down on him, smiling down on their daughter, and her words echoed in his ears.

"_Sayuri, the ambulance is almost here, please hang on."_

"_Tell her, tell her I'll watch over her from heaven—I'll give her wings to fly, so when she's afraid, she should cast all her fears to the sky. Shuichiro—don't shed a tear—just, k—kiss me goodbye Shuichiro."_

"_Don't say that Sayuri—."_

"_Shhh, tell our daughter—Okaa-san loves her very much."_

He held on to her tiny hands as he stroke her fine hair, staring at her tiny face. He prayed for a miracle to save a life he couldn't save; instead, he was given the miracle of life.

"What's her name Oishi?"

"Yaeko—Sayuri always wanted to name our daughter Yaeko, and that's what I'm going to name her."

"Hello, Yaeko-chan, I'm Eiji Oji-san. Your Otou-san and the rest of your Oji-sans will always be here for you, we'll take good care of you."

He looks around him, and sees just how big his family truly was, with workmates, friends and loved ones keeping him standing. Words of encouragement coming from the least likely person to say such things, words that made him realize, that he was asking for one Christmas miracle, but Kami-sama, He gave him a whole bouquet of miracles. And no matter how sad his Christmas morning was, Kami-sama made sure, his Christmas evening would be filled with miracles that he never even asked for.

**-oOo-**

**Yaeko is a Japanese name which means child of the double bouquet.**

**Merry Christmas Minna-san**


	16. Choutarou's Full Moon

**Something I'll Never Know Series Chapter 16: Choutarou's Full Moon**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**I finally concluded my internal debate as to whether I should make Choutarou cry or not, and having this chapter would mean, the make him cry argument won right? Hehe.**

**Warning: May contain spoiler scene for Hana**

**-oOo-**

"_I never asked for anything more in my life, than what Kami-sama had destined for me. I have never wanted for so much more than what I needed. I never longed for anything that would make another soul suffer. I never knew that love could be this beautiful, this precious and this colourful. That's why, when I met you, when you loved me; I thought, Kami-sama, I don't know what I ever did, for You to bless me with such a wonderful person in my life. Arigato for loving me so much; I can only pray that I could spend the rest of my life loving you. Choutarou, to me, you are like the sun, shining brightly and making me see the beauty around me. I love you, and I will love you forever."_

He sat in that corner for what seemed like forever, in a space where not even the brightest light could ever reach him. His silver hair had grown long and messed up, no longer the neatly cut and combed hair that he was so accustomed to. His brown shiny orbs that were so kind and dear are now filled with regret, hopelessness and emptiness. His gentle lips was not flashing a smile, but were chapped, bleeding and was always in a frown. The silver cross pendant that had always hanged on his neck was gone, all there was, is a linear burn scar that although had healed still held the pain and sting of what caused that wound. His athletic figure, which was matched by his towering height, has wasted and was smudged with dirt. The formerly well-dressed and kempt Hyotei uniform, his suit and tie, even his tennis jersey has been replaced by sackcloth and ashes.

The electronic device for communication had been drained of power, dust has been accumulating on every surface and corner since it was placed on that tabletop, Kami-sama knows how long. The light bulb was covered with cobwebs and no longer shed light to the empty room. The once busy working table filled with papers, documents of every sort, pens and every imaginable electronic device was now devoid of life. The computer which used to be black was now grey from all the dust that have accumulated, there was no beeping sounds of mail and messages; there was no spread sheet and figures flashed on the monitor, only blank darkness.

Where was he? Where is Ootori Choutarou? He was gone.

There were footsteps outside just a moment ago, a shadow was seen passing by the window, but there was no voice that called for his name. He pushes himself farther into that corner, the walls were cold, colder in the pitch darkness that covered his frail body, but he was numb. Every movement and sound that was surrounding him scared him like a little child, like the roaring thunder crept on a sleeping child on a stormy night. The sound of crickets outside deafened him. The peaceful night was like a night on a warzone, hiding behind leaves and branches, evading the enemy, surviving like a lone warrior trapped on enemy territory, waiting for someone to rescue him. He needed to be rescued, he wanted to be rescued, but each time someone tries, he runs deeper into the woods and hides.

"_Ne, Ootori-kun, what is your dream?"_

"_E? Eto—I want to be a really good musician."_

"_E? I thought you wanted to be an Engineer or something."_

"_Ano, I can do both right?"_

"_Nani? Just choose one will you."_

"_You're so serious Hiyoshi-kun, we still have a long way to go, we haven't even reached Middle School yet. I have some more time to think about it."_

His eyes snapped open from the sound of footsteps crushing the dry leaves in the garden, and the dryness in his mouth caused him to cough, and as he tried to cover his mouth, he could swear it was blood that tinged his hands. He wanted to be afraid, but he had no strength enough to feel anything. Because even if his eyes were wide open, his vision was blurred and he could not see anything clearly as he used to. His 'always think positive' attitude had gone down the drain. His bright mind was now a blank. There were no dreams to dream, no goals to reach, no hopes to hold on to.

"_Choutarou, I'll never do anything to hurt her. I promise to be a good husband to your Neechan. I'll provide for her, keep her safe; you don't have to worry about her. I promise you that Choutarou."_

"_I know that Shishido-san. I trust you, and I'm very happy that neechan choose you."_

He was there, every step of the way, until his doubles partner could stand on his own again. Every day he would spend lunch with him, call him until he was so irritated he would hang up on him. But now he was alone. Not because no one cares, but because he chose to be alone. He chose to get lost in a world where no one could reach him. They cared, they loved him, but he didn't want to be loved or cared for, because he blames himself. For everything.

"_Bakero!"_

"_Kaidoh, yamero!"_

"_Ootori, baka!"_

"_Kaidoh-kun—G-gomen—gomennasai."_

"_You killed her—you killed her—Baka!"_

"_Kaidoh!"_

"_I didn't mean to—I didn't mean to—."_

"_Where were you when she needed you?"_

"_I—I never—gomen—gomen—."_

When did it happen? When did he become blind that he would not see the obvious? When did he become deaf that he did not hear the silent plea of his beloved? When did he become numb that he could not feel he was needed, much more that what he originally thought he was needed for? When did he become mute that he could not speak of what his heart truly felt? It was his fault, for not noticing, for not knowing.

"_I'll be late going home tonight."_

_*cough, cough*_

"_Daijabou desu ka?"_

"_Hai, just a little cough, no need to bother about it, I'll just take some cough medicine and this will be gone in a few days."_

"_Are you sure? Do you want me to set an appointment with Oishi-san?"_

"_Iie, I can take care of myself, ikke, you'll be late for work."_

Was he wrong to believe that everything was alright? Maybe he should have investigated some more, listened some more. Or maybe he should have just taken a day or two off from work and really spent time with his beloved. Maybe if he didn't drown himself in the business of the world, he would have been busy with taking better care of her, her and their daughter, and their son. Maybe if he took time, he wouldn't be lying on the cold floor tonight. Maybe if he was not so busy earning a living, he would not be alone in his own small corner.

"_Aiko, I promise to be with you, for better or for worse…"_

The walls were colored yellow, like the sun, because they both wanted a family full on sunshine. They wanted a home filled with love, filled with hope and a bright future. They promised never would the darkness of night cover their home, they will always have light.

"…_in sickness and in health…"_

She said she was alright. She said it was nothing that it would go away in a few days. She said she was going to cook hotpot that night when he got home from work. She said so, and he believed her; because he believed everything, she said, because he wouldn't trust anyone as much as he trusted her. Not in this lifetime, not in any other lifetime.

"…'_til death do us part."_

Oishi said something about pneumonia, or something about a lung illness that she acquired, which explained the coughing. He said it could have been easily treated if it was diagnosed earlier. He said it didn't help her condition that she was walking outside that winter afternoon. He said if only she was found earlier when she collapsed on that alley, if someone had passed by sooner, she could have been saved. But where was he that day? What was he doing? He wasn't picking up the kids from school, he was sure, because he remembers it was Fuji-san's turn to carpool and pick up the kids from school. He wasn't playing tennis, because Shishido-san was in court that day for a case filed by the Atobe Corporation. He was not having tea with his best friend, because Hiyoshi-kun was out of the country for an overseas project. So where was he? Why was he not the one who found her lying on that alley in the freezing cold? Why did he not notice that it was not a simple cough that would go away? Why was he so naïve to think that he would go to work that morning and come home to her warm embrace that night?

"_How long do you plan on sitting there?"_

"_Leave me alone."_

"_I hope you do remember that you have two kids who still need their father."_

"_Go away."_

"_Choutarou, this is not doing you any good."_

"_I said go away!"_

"_Fine. But I'll keep coming back here until you realize that you're still alive, and being so, you need to live, by doing so, you honor the dead."_

Where was he? Is it truly the end for him? Is Ootori Choutarou really gone?

"_Otou-san, can you hear me? I know you don't want to open the door, so, Shishido-oji-chan said he'll be bringing us to Obaa-chan and Ojii-chan's place while you recover."_

"_Neechan, why do we need to leave Otou-san behind? Can't he come with us to Obaa-chan and Ojii-chan's?"_

"_Otou-san, he needs a little time alone right now, we'll come back soon. Right Otou-san? Otou-san can you hear me? We're coming back here soon, so, please recover soon."_

The wind blew through the broken window and the shattered glass was scaterred on the floor. He saw rodents and cockroaches running around but he didn't even bother to move an inch, he didn't care anymore. Because slowly he felt the life withering away from his body, like the snow melts with the sun's rays on a warm spring day. And he wanted to melt; he wanted to wither, because he found no meaning to fight anymore. Until finally he closed his eyes and let the coldness of that night, embrace him.

"_Otou-san, I don't care how long it takes; we'll wait for you to come back."_

He had a dream. In the dream, the sky was so blue, and the clouds were scaterred in the bluest sky. In the dream, the sun was shining brightly in the east, but on the west, the stubborn moon was still there. In was one of those days when the moon meets the sun, and together they watch over the earth. He had a dream, and in that dream she was happy, she was smiling and running on a prairie; he was holding her hand, they were laughing and dancing. And then a bunch of clouds came down from the heavens, then she let go of his hand, she blew him a kiss and smiled. He stood in that prairie, while the clouds took her up to the sky. He ran after her, but it seemed no matter how fast he ran, he was in the same spot, until she was no longer visible to him. He looked up the blue sky to try and find her, but the moon was no longer there, it was just the sun, ever so bright. And he woke; he felt warm hands holding his.

"Otou-san?"

"Otou-san, where right here."

"Are you coming back to us now?"

What had happened to him? Didn't he love these children with all his heart? Didn't they promise to take care of these gifts from heaven? Did the promise die with her? What has he been doing all this time? Has he gone so far that he could never return?

He heard the doctor speaking to his parents, about his care and recovery; apparently, he had become too malnourished that he almost died. But how he got to that hospital bed, he didn't know. Because all he remembers right now, was the dream.

"Baka!"

He turns his eyes to the source of the voice.

"I had to drag you here. I leave town for a few days for work and you almost die on me. You almost left your children as orphans. Baka Choutarou!"

His senpai, he was more like a brother to him, and he felt so ashamed to face his senpai, because he was not the person that he used to be.

They say time heals all the wounds of the heart. And time has been patient with him. But his voice has drowned in the past, each time he opened his mouth nothing would come out. For months and months, all he did was take in pill after pill, saying those would help him recover. Each day, his children would come to visit him after school, tell him stories and take care of him. he tells himself, he should be the one doing that, he should be the one taking care of them; but each time he tries to move, his body fail him.

"Daijabou Otou-san, when you get better, you can come home, and you, me and Neechan, well be a family again."

He wanted that bluest sky, he wanted that day when the moon meets the sun and watches the earth together. But all that will ever be is a dream.

"Choutarou, eat up, get better. Your children, they love you very much. They keep telling, 'Shishido-oji-chan can you finish painting Otou-san's room now, we just know he'll be coming home soon.' So Choutarou, ganbatte, come home soon."

For the first time in the longest time, he felt something warm flowing on his cheeks. For the first time in the longest time, his vision was not blurred by sadness, but by tears, that seemed to wash the sadness away.

"S-Sh-Shi-Shishi-do-san."

"E? Did you just call my name?"

"S-Sh-Shi-Shishi-do-san, sh-sh-she w-w-was—."

"Nani? Come on, you can do it, say it, say what you wanted to say. Ganbatte Choutarou!"

"Sh-Sh-She w-w-was m-my m-mo-moo-n-l-li-light i-in t-t-the d-dar—kess n-n-n-ight."

He knew; he had a long way to go. But today he decided, U-turns, sometimes, they're allowed. That no matter how deeply into the darkness you have gone, the light will always welcome you back, if only you choose to stand in the sun again. For as long as there are people who loved him: his children, his parents, his friends; he will always find his way back home.

"…_Arigato for loving me so much; I can only pray that I could spend the rest of my life loving you.."_

"_Aiko, I promise to be with you for better or for worse…"_

"… _Choutarou, to me, you are like the sun, shining brightly and making me see the beauty around me…"_

"…_in sickness and in health…"_

" _I love you, and I will love you forever."_

"…'_til death do us part."_

**My beloved Aiko:**

**I want that day to come, when the moon meets the sun in the sky and they both watch over the earth. But for now, I'll let you shine freely, like the full moon that light up my darkest night. I love you and miss you very much. When that time comes, please, meet me in the sky.**

**Forever loving you,**

**Choutarou**

**-oOo-**

**Many people suffer from Depressive disorders, and in worse cases, depression can lead to suicide and death. So if you know someone who is suffering from depression, be a friend, don't let that person fall into depair. Listen, give time, pray, encourage them, help them recover.**

**So, I hope that was not confusing for you. And all that's left for me in this series is Tezuka…who I still haven't figured how I would write since, thus far, I have managed to make his life so freaking perfect!**


	17. Tezuka's Spring

**Something I'll Never Know Series Chapter 17: Tezuka's Spring**

**Standard Disclaimer Applies**

**And yes, it's finally over, I finally made the painful decision of writing Tezuka's chapter…**

**-oOo-**

The sakura were falling outside, spring had come once again, and everything was alive at that moment. He looked out the window and stared at the pink flowers that surrounded him, frailly he took steps until he found himself embraced by the wind, the warmth of spring was everywhere, and it was the most beautiful spring he had ever seen in his lifetime. The former buchou of Seigaku lifted his left arm to try to catch a few sakura petals flying in the air. His hands were shaky, and his vision had faded with time, his face remained stoic as it has always been. The wind blew harder and he closed his eyes, his former brown hair now comparable to snow, he remembers every springtime that he had ever spent.

"_Cherry blossoms!"_

"_Nani?"_

"_Cherry blossoms!"_

"_Hai, the cherry tree usually blossoms this time of year." He explained, "Do you like sakura?"_

"_I think they're beautiful."_

"_Yes they are aren't they?"_

He smiles at no one in particular, a smile that he rarely showed, a smile that was meant for someone he had met one springtime a long time ago, someone who changed his life in so many different ways. In ways that was slowly seen by people surrounding him, but first by his best friends.

"_Tezuka!"_

"_Fuji."_

_Are you alright Tezuka?"_

"_Hai."_

"_You were different during this morning's practice. You seem happy Tezuka."_

"_Hmn."_

"_Whatever it is Tezuka…I'm glad you're happy."_

Yes, he was happy, truly happy, so happy that the happiness he learned that spring lasted his lifetime, a happiness that has helped him surpass every imaginable trial he could have faced. Because it was that spring when he learned that, he needed people, because he was not alone in his battles. It was that spring that he realized, he not only needed them, but they needed him as well. And for the first time, he had admitted, he was afraid of losing that person.

"_Tezuka."_

"_Hai?"_

"_You're jealous."_

_He stared at Fuji with a puzzled expression._

"_You are. Your face doesn't show it, but I can feel that you are."_

"_H-Hai."_

"_Don't be, she's not attracted to me."_

He feels blessed to have a best friend like them, people who have seen him through the trials of his heart; people who have shown him that he needed to fight for his love, that giving up was not an option, both in the game and in real life. He was happy that he had friends that pushed him to admit the most difficult confession he ever did in his life.

He opened his eyes once again, with teary eyes he watched as the wind continued to blow the sakura everywhere; he remembers every spring he had ever spent since, every memory, every moment.

"_Mitsu, I want to watch the sakura bloom with you next spring."_

"_You want to come here next spring?"_

"_I want to watch the sakura bloom with you—every spring."_

In his life, there were only three women who have brought a smile on his face, his mother—

"_Kunimitsu."_

"_Hai?"_

"_Daijabou?"_

"_Hai."_

"_Don't lie to me Kunimitsu."_

"_Okaa-san—."_

"_Apologize to her Kunimitsu; tell her how you truly feel. You love her don't you?"  
_

"_Hai."_

"_Then go make her happy."_

His wife—

"_I want to keep another promise that I gave to you."_

"_Huh?"_

"_I took you here in winter, so I could keep you warm, so we can see the sakura bloom in spring. Now that spring has come, I want to keep one more promise to you." Fireworks suddenly lit up the sky and he bent down on his knees and held out a ring, "Will you marry me?"_

And his daughter—

"_Otou-san."_

"_Nande Akari?"_

"_Hai."_

"_What is this?"_

"_The best gift I could make, for the best Otou-san in the world."_

He strokes the picture frame on the cupboard, he blinks a few times as he stares at the family portrait of his parents and Ojii-san thinking how many years it has been since he last saw them, or heard their voices. It's been years that he was left behind by them, yet in his mind they remain alive, and each of their sound advice still echoes in his ears. Like it was only yesterday that he last held a fishing rod with his Ojii-san. Like it was only this morning when his Otou-san first taught him how to drive a car. Like it was only a moment ago that his Okaa-san made him breakfast. Because he was proud to be Tezuka Kunimitsu, and he was proud of his family, even if they were gone.

He walks over to the coffee table where a couple of magazines were piled up, some of them old tennis magazines with him on the cover; he flips through them and remembers the good old days of his success. He was proud of his achievements, he was proud that he was once a professional tennis player. But he was most proud of what not that he made a name for himself, but that his son made a name apart from him, that his son was able to step away from the shadow of his famous father and made a name that matches his own.

"_Otou-san."_

"_Nande Kenshin?"_

"_Arigato."_

"_For what?"_

"_For believing in me, for trusting that I could do things that I never even imagined I could."_

"_Kenshin—."_

"_You and Okaa-san, you've always believed in me, you've always stood beside me, and this one, this one is for you Otou-san."_

But the truth is; his life was not all happy moments and victories. He had his share of failure and regrets, of weakness and troubles.

He sits on a white porch swing that he made himself, an anniversary gift for his wife on their twenty fifth wedding anniversary not so long ago. He runs his frail hands on the almost broken down wood that was holding the swing together, he sighs and looks up the sky, remembering how he has quietly witnessed the pain and prosecutions of life that he shared with his friends.

"_Shishido."_

"_Tezuka."_

"_Ore—I don't actually know what to say to you, but I know you'll make it through."_

"_Hmn, arigato."_

How he comforted them in his own indirect way.

"_Kikumaru."_

"_Tezuka?"_

"_Play a game with me this weekend."_

"_E?"_

"_Oishi—he told me, and I don't know what to say so, play a game with me this weekend, if it help you forget, even for a while."_

"_Okay—Ano, Tezuka."_

"_Hai?"_

"_Arigato ne, for trying to help out."_

How he tried to cheer them up, even when he had so little to give.

"_Here you go Tezuka, arigato for dropping by, I never knew you for the type who like sweets."_

"_Aa, they are for Ami, she's a sweet tooth so."_

"_I see your fiancé like sweets."_

"_Hmn."_

"_Well, arigato."_

"_Gakuto."_

"_Nande?"_

"_One day you'll find someone who has a sweet tooth, and you'll bake every sort of sweet cake there is to make her smile."_

"_Tezuka."_

How he pushed them to be strong, when they were too weak.

"_Kaidoh."_

"_Buchou?"_

"_Sometimes, in life, we have to make difficult choices and decision; most of them will be difficult ones, some of them will test our heart—just how strong we are. So Kaidoh, ganbatte, ganbatte and lead this team to victory. In life failure is something that we deal with every day, demo, it must not stop us from living and striving for happiness."_

"_Buchou, are you giving me advice about the team, or about something else?"_

"_Kaidoh, in tennis and in life, always remember yudan sezu ni ikou."_

How he held off his own celebrations, to be a friend to the broken.

"_You deserve to be happy Fuji. She made her choice. There's someone out there who will love you as much as you love her Fuji."_

"_Sou dane."_

"_Give yourself a chance to be happy Fuji."_

"_He's beautiful Tezuka, you have a beautiful son."_

How he reached out to share the warmth of friendship.

"_Tezuka-san, why did you invite me for coffee?"_

"_Well, Hiyoshi, its winter and it can be cold sometimes."_

"_I hate winter."_

"_So I've heard."_

"_Did Atobe-buchou ask you to do this?"_

"_Iie, Atobe only told me the reason why you hate winter; I decided to invite you for coffee myself."_

"_A cup of coffee won't make a difference Tezuka-san; it won't bring her back to life."_

"_But a cup of coffee can bring you warmth."_

"_Hmn."_

"_And maybe a little warmth can make you hate winter a little less."_

How he made the illogical seem a bit logical somehow.

"_Tezuka, your service game just now, there were deviations to your usual angle."_

"_Are there Inui?"_

"_Chotto, you're doing it on purpose aren't you?"_

"_Doing what on purpose Inui?"  
_

"_Tezuka, I'm fine, just play your game, you don't have to make things interesting for me."_

"_If it gets your mind off what's bothering you right now Inui, I'll deviate my game as needed."_

"_Giving away you data so easily Tezuka?"  
_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about Inui."_

How he proved that he was no enemy to anyone.

"_Atobe."_

"_I was a fool to think that everything will be okay."_

"_You didn't know."_

"_Nobody knows. It just gets snatched up from you, in a blink of an eye."_

"_It doesn't mean you didn't love them."_

"_If only I loved them a little more Tezuka, maybe I'd still be holding their living bodies in my arms."_

"_You loved them enough Atobe, you loved them enough."_

How he assured them in their uncertainty.

"_Kawamura."_

"_Arigato for coming to the funeral Tezuka."_

"_Your Otou-san is very proud of you Kawamura."_

"_If I only talked to him, maybe it wouldn't hurt too much that he was dead."_

"_Losing a father will hurt, no matter what Kawamura, but I am sure that he will always be with you, if you keep him alive in your heart."_

How he stood by them, when they could not stand on their own.

"_What do you need Tezuka?"_

"_Betsuni."_

"_Then why are you here? I don't need a pity party Tezuka."_

"_I do not pity you Oshitari."_

"_Are you insulting me?"_

"_Iie."_

"_Then what do you need?"_

"_I simply need to remind you, that you are stronger than you think you are."_

"_Nani?"_

"_You are stronger than this Oshitari, so get yourself together and stand again."_

How he carried his friend in his own arms.

"_Stand up Echizen."_

"_Yada."_

"_Get out of bed and walk again."_

"_Yada."_

"_Stop being so stubborn."_

"_Get off my case buchou; it's not like its tennis practice."_

"_It's not tennis Echizen, its real life."_

"_She's dead buchou, I waited too long and she's dead."_

"_And whose life was she trying to save exactly?"_

"_She's dead."_

"_Are you going to waste Sakuno's life and sacrifice of trying to protect you by lying around and not moving those legs?"  
_

"_It's not like they're moving on their own."_

"_They won't because you won't make them."_

"_Yada."_

"_I'm not going to leave this room until you stand up from there and start learning how to walk again."_

"_Stubborn buchou."_

"_Stubborn kohai."_

"_Fine! I'm standing-up. If that's what it'll take to get you off my case."_

How he appreciated their strength.

"_Momoshiro."_

"_Buchou."_

"_I heard from Echizen."_

"_Aa."_

"_I'm sorry for your lost."_

"_I knew this would happen at some point, demo I still chose to love her."_

"_And I am humbled by the love that you have for her."_

"_You sort of inspired me buchou. The love that you have for your wife is just amazing I couldn't help but wish I had the same."_

"_Iie, your love for her Momoshiro and far beyond, and more amazing. And I'm proud of you."_

"_Arigato buchou."_

How he held their hand in the rain.

"_Ano, Tezuka-kun, arigato for this."_

"_They're just a few boxes of sweets."_

"_Hai, enough to get me through another day."_

"_Sou ka."_

"_Another day without Marui-kun."_

"_Jirou, you miss Marui that much don't you?"_

"_Ano, its funny, demo, it's like everywhere I go, I see things that keep reminding me of him."_

"_He was your best friend, so it's but natural to feel that way."_

"_What would you do if Fuji-kun or OIshi-kun unexpectedly died?"_

"_I would probably be doing the same thing you are, thinking about them everywhere I go, because every place I see remind me of them."_

"_Hontouni?"_

"_Hmn."_

"_I thought I was stupid for feeling this way, demo, it seems Tezuka-kun also feels the same for his best friends. Arigato Tezuka-kun."_

How he fathered the weak.

"_Ano, Tezuka, arigato for doing this."_

"_You're my best friend Oishi, if it helps you get through this, I'll do this all over again."_

"_You and Ami-chan has been a big help with Yaeko."_

"_Well, she is my goddaughter, ain't that right sweetie?"_

"_She really likes you Tezuka."_

"_But she likes her Otou-san even more, here, carry her."_

"_She looks so small."_

"_She'll grow up to be a very caring woman, like her Okaa-san, and her Otou-san."_

"_Hmn, and strong a dependable, like her Tezuka-Oji-san."_

How he became their voice, when they couldn't speak.

"_Ootori."_

"…"

"_Ootori, I know you can hear me."_

"…"

"_It's not easy to lose that one person that means the world to you."_

"…"

"_Demo, Ootori, your children, they can't stand alone in this world. They need you to be with them. Dakara, Ootori, fight, recover and speak again, so that they can hear their Otou-san's voice again. Sometimes, Ootori, the comfort of a father's voice is all that a child needs to get through a thunderstorm. They've already lost their Okaa-san; don't make them loose their Otou-san as well."_

He feels soft cold hands touch his shoulder, and he lifts his eyes towards the frail angelic figure who gently wrapped her arms around his neck. He smiles and gives her a peck on her cheek. Slowly he guided her to sit beside her, until she was resting her head on his old yet sturdy shoulder, with his arms embracing her fragile body.

"It's spring time once again."

"And it gets more beautiful each year."

"Aa."

He held her hand and slowly they walked the path of sakura, like how they did during their first spring together.

"Are you ready?"

"Hmn."

"Then let me fulfil one more promise to you."

In the warmth of that spring morning, once again he wore that white tuxedo that he wore fifty years ago, and she wore that silky white dress that she wore on the day she became his wife. Under the shower of pink sakura he uttered his promise of spending the rest of his life with her, and she uttered he sweet reply. In the beauty of the spring breeze, the familiar faces who have witnessed their love for all these years stood witness once more, as they renewed the vow they first made fifty years ago.

He stared into his son's eyes, as he sees the youth that he once had. He caressed his daughter's face, as he sees the hope of a beautiful future in her eyes. He shuffles the hair of his grandsons and daughters. With what's left of the strength in his arms carries them in his embrace.

In the beauty of the sakura blooming in the trees, he led his wife to the place they have called home.

When he opened his eyes that morning, he realized, they forgot to close their bedroom window the night before, and the sakura had filled their room. He turned to see the pale white face of his beloved lying beside him in their bed, he held her hand and just lay beside her knowing it was time, he kissed her lips one last time and wrapped his arms around her cold body whispering in her ears.

"Aishitemasu Ami."

He closed his eyes, lingering in the memory of his well-lived life. And when he had opened them he no longer saw the sakura blown by the wind, but the clouds that were whiter than snow, and in front of him was his beloved, with her arm wide open. He walked closer until he was embracing her, until his lips touched hers, in their first kiss, a kiss they shared in heaven, where their love have led them to look back on a lifetime that they shared, of a love that began and ended on a beautiful spring day.

**-oOo-**

**I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter. I just couldn't bring myself to make Tezuka cry, I just can't, so I decided, why not just let them die together.**

**I took some of the scenes from When Worlds Collide and some of the encounters from the previous chapters, so please don't be confused.**


End file.
